Monday, 29 December 2008

Out with the old and in with the new

I'd like to take this opportunity to say 'All the very Best ' for every body in blog land, to the people who I've come to know, the stories and poems I've come to read. I know that I haven't actually met all of you, even though I feel I already know you... The day is dawning, the eve shall soon be here, when we shall remember our friends and family who we have lost..
I'll raise a large glass of merriment to you all wishing you all the ' VERY BEST ' for the new year ahead. May all that you dream for become reality, may your health be good, the spirits protect you. May you always have love to share, health to spare and friends who care. Keep your heart safe and your friends, they don't come along every day, it takes a long time to grow an old friend. Be good to yourselves and others. Have respect for those around you. And when it eventually arrives..... I shall raise my glass high and wish you all


Sunday, 28 December 2008

Broken Edges

I sent you a message, you didn't reply. I sent it again, I have no idea why. Do you not love me, do you not care, have I done some thing to upset you? Please tell me you're still there.
Not knowing the pain you've been through, not wanting to remind you... I want to help, but I'm not her, the one you loved for more than nine years. I can't make you promises, that's a debt unpaid.. talk to me babe................. talk to me.. I'm here for you ... I-I care. My feelings are jumbled, my nerves tattered and torn, I don't want to lose you babe.... I hurt too you know. I want to be with you, love you, take care of you. I'm not used to being ignored!
My eyes are watery, my vision's gone blurd, talk to me please- this is so absurd!
If you don't tell me what your problem is then how am I to know?
Three days have passed, I've cried so much, I don't want to lose you... what is wrong?
The phone rings, I stutter my reply... " hello babe " comes your reply.
I'm sorry for hurting you this way, do you still want to see me...................
of course I do, I always did.. do..... " do you ?"
We're talking again, still steeling that kiss, hand in hand. I have to slow down, not wanting to scare, I can't help loving her.... I really do care.
She comes with broken edges, the wound still intact, for me it's true love, I know she feels the same; but I can't rush her, she's not the same.
I try to make her happy, her sadness makes me cry. I do love her you know...
I always made the first move, I don't know any other, so I guess in many ways
I too have broken edges!
We're not in any rush, I know she knows I care,
I will always be here for you love, I will ..... I care.

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

Thank you

Hello fellow bloggers. I'd like to take this festive opportunity to thank you all for visiting my blog and to wish you all a very' Merry Christmas 'and a 'wicked New Year' .. I'm not going any where, I look forward to continuing my stories and also look forward to reading your very interesting replies, so keep 'em coming. Thanks again every one XX

Wednesday, 17 December 2008


You walked into my life... with a great big grin.
I am your new lover, my every day sin.
To touch you, to feel you, to pull you in.
My every day lover, my every day sin.
I dream about you every night, to have and to hold
from this day forth..
I love your east and west south and north.
You make me smile, you feel like silk,
with skin so soft and milky white..
We sit on the sofa, hand in hand,
occasionally smiling, stealing a kiss,
making a wish, stealing the moment
when the stars glitter in the sky,
and I ask why?
Why you love me.....
You reply...

You are my shining star, you keep me alive,
you brighten up my mornings and my
nights. You know what to say when I am down,
you know how to make me smile.
I love you eyes, your mouth, your chin
I am your daily sin,
And I... your everything.

Your touch is so soft. You
reduce me to marshmallow
with every inch of you hand,
soft and tingly, pretty and nice.
Sinking your hand into my pants,
urging your finger to my knicker top,
hesitation is every thing.. our breath..
hushed, goose bumps covered skin..
Don't hesitate my lover, come right in.

My flesh is weak, my heart thumps
then misses a beat, beads of sweat form
a wall upon my chin, you are my lover..
my every day sin.
The night falls, the sky is dark, the
birds are all asleep, I cannot speak,
my voice is still, do your best my love
make me sing, make me laugh,
do your everything,
I love you with every inch of my

Friday, 5 December 2008


My phone was on silent, but vibrate.. awaiting your message with baited breath.
My mouth feeling dry, my nerves slightly frayed, thinking of you and I .. naked.
Naked and touching-feeling our skin, nipples and pussies, sweat upon sin.
The door bell rings, I jump to my feet, roses for me? how sweet!
I'm wanting you so badly, I've missed you so much... want to taste you..
want to fuck! Hold you so close, peel the clothes from your skin-pull you close,
lick your thighs, kiss your mouth, sink my tongue into your abyss.
I close the door, with a bang, pull your coat from your shoulders, tear at your
buttons, dropping them to the floor, breasts abandoned...not any-more.
With gentle speed I caress your skin, pull you close, you let me in...
sensing your urgency, the heat of our love. The need to be had, the want to
be had. My fingers stumble at your belt, fumbling for the fastener that holds you with in,
down your legs, the scent is over powering, of hypnotic proportion..
I lean into your groin, spread your legs and lick.. lick ... lick..
The sensations of rapture tear through your loins, legs twitching, orgasm rising
juices running, pulsating clitoris, swollen breasts, tears of over whelming joy
of love, of total abandonment...
when all is calm, we kiss ... kiss ..................... kiss.

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Coming Out

There comes a time in every one's life when we all have to do some thing that takes a lot of 'balls.' Last week I did just that I came out to my family!!.................... The most nerve wrecking moment EVER!!!! I had decided what I was going to say... chose my words very carefully..... paced up and down the lounge carpet, palms sweaty. When the actual moment arrived-stuttering....... I opened my mouth.... and nothing came out that made any sense; but after a sharp intake of breath... I started again-and it flowed. My family were quiet, listening as I told them what I had practiced. To my 'amazement' ........... and 'RELIEF'... they had known for quite a long time. I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. So........ no more pretending, no more excuses as to where I go of an evening or weekend. I can now be 'ME' and the family except me for that. I wish every thing in life could be so easy. I'd wanted to .. on several occasions to say some thing, some how explain why I was going out, where I'd been and who with; but I always thought it was my business and no one Else's. The new love in my life is 'PROUD' of me, but says she couldn't do what I have achieved, not at her place of work or to her family, only to her closest of friends. I too am out at work. Some people criticise me for who I am, they are not my 'true' friends. My real friends support me, listen when I have problems, they do not condone who I am, live and let live is my motto.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Lost and frightened

The past few years have been turbulent in my love life, to say the least! After one broken relationship that seemed to throw me over the edge, I feel I've lost the true ME!! Life has had it's ups and downs, more so the downs. Until a few weeks ago I hadn't really been looking for love- but it found me. My new lover, who I've known for quite a few years as a friend. We've grown strong together, finding out what we like in and out of bed. Apparently, she says I might come over as the tough kinda Tom boyish woman... it's fake. She has found this lost little girl in me, and looking at myself in the mirror I can see what she's on about. With her help I have to now find myself again; I know in my heart of hearts I can do this, but I'm not sure where to start! I have the ability to give my undying love to the new love of my life.. at the same time I seem to have the same ability to forget about me and what I want. I'm a fish out of water at times, slowly suffocating... drowning. So 'how' do I start this journey of self discovery? What do I do different that makes me stand out from the rest? I can write about pretty much anything. But when it comes to describing how I really feel, what 'I' want and need.... the answer is empty. My expression is blank... I look lost, this little girl inside of me is searching for the 'woman' who I am and should be proud of. It's almost as if.... I've been impersonating some one else all these years, being some who in the past other people have wanted me to be, and without realising this-have been some one else... if that makes sense? I'm open to any suggestions as to how I tackle this hurdle .....

Sunday, 2 November 2008


Afew weeks ago, I fell head over heels in love. The first time in a very long time. Time to take it easy again; Last week I drank too much red wine; a good full bodied red wine none the less-opened up and declared that I love her. Now if you've ever watched The L word, Alice tells Dana she loves her and she pretty much got the same reply... or not... as I did. In return I got a kiss on the cheek and a hug?!..
I have to admit I was kind of expecting the same reply as the line I just shot ' I love you too Honey... or babe.' I spent most of the last week thinking I'd blown the whole story, my love life taking off and now coming back to earth with a big THUD!! I get very insecure at times and the menopause aint helpin a great deal either. Any way .. I decided to cool things a little, try and not rush it.. play the game a different way. Behave like it was no big deal even though I was fallin apart inside. I sent less text's, although I wanted to bombard her with text's. The whole of last week couldn't go fast enough for me. Every day I was waiting for my mobile to sing to me, waiting for her name to appear; no it didn't happen. SO... Friday I decided that maybe I'd frightened her off by rushing it- I sent her a message saying when could I see her again? To my surprise she said Saturday night, 'Oh and bring your tooth brush with you babe.' My heart lept from off the ground and is now sitting back where it was on cloud 9... well almost.. roughly cloud 7. Love can be a turbulent at the best of times, and I shouldn't expect every one to be like me.
Wednesday night is the next time I will get to hold her again, kiss her soft sweet flesh, play footsie with my fingers over the back of her hands, look all googly eyed at her... be happy again.
I guess you could say we're still in the 'Honeymoon period' all mouths and hands; not that I'm complaining of the 'all' mouths n hands!! Next Sunday evening we're off to the local Gay Bar in town, some where where we can be accepted, be who we are, relax in a enviroment made for gays.. soft lighting, wicked music, a whole new bunch of friends we've made. Why can't the planet be like this place? Why can't we be accepted for being different? Am all for Gay Rights.
So every thing's ok again, for now anyhow.

Friday, 31 October 2008


From morning until night,
I held you close, never letting
you go from my sight.
Holding your hand and
touching your face,
outlining the contours of your body
feeling the heart beating inside your chest.

The passion that boils within me,
burns the very existence in me.
I can't sleep , I can't eat...
for I'm in love.
This crazy thing that attacks my senses,
feeds the mind, controls the my heart.
Leaving me spiralling out of control.

I can't eat, I can't sleep...
my appetite is dead..
thoughts of you, visions of beauty,
visions of you lying next to me,
holding me close to you, in our bed.
Your body is so soft, skin like satin.
Your touch melts my every thing.

I can't eat, I can't sleep,
I'm in love.
Love is a powerful thing,
I wake up every morning,
with this deep seeded emotion
I want to cry with joy,
listen to the angels sing,
run naked in the fields.

I will love you forever,
until the cows come home.
I will love you until the sky falls in
and the earth runs dry.
I will love you with all
of my body and soul.
I will love from now until I'm old.

Saturday, 25 October 2008

Complete Surrender

I took you in my arms and gently placed a kiss upon your mouth-you tasted so sweet. Your lips parted, the taste of your tongue...filled me with emotions, beyond compare. The night was calm but in my heart, butterfly's fluttered. My hands trembled with the knowing that tonight was the night I'd waited so long for; the night I would give myself to you. I took you by the hand and led you into the bedroom, the door appeared to close by itself. Our hands explored each others hot body's. My mouth found your mouth, so sweetly, but yet so quickly did we undress each other, eager to please you, not wanting to disappoint you. Needing ... wanting to give you my ever thing. Calmly I unbuttoned your blouse, sliding my hands down the smooth flesh of your shoulders, you let out a quiet moan, throwing your head back in submission... following the fabric of your bra I fumble to release the fasteners, once more pulling so slowly past these erect temples of tight pink flesh before me, lowering my mouth, I take each one in turn , lick then devour into my lips, you let a loud moan of pleasure; your lips parted, your breathing becoming laboured. I take a brake from sucking your nipples, pulling myself back to your kiss. Our tongues darting in and out, nibbling both upper and lower lips, biting. My hands slide down to your jeans, fumbling with the zip, your hands beat me to it, it's sliding down before I get to it, one yank and I'm down to your thong...'Mmmmm'... black lace with the scent of a woman ready to submit her soul to me. I lay you down on the bed, the feel of fresh cold cotton sheets, fused with the heat of passion, I shudder, goose bumps covering my skin like a sheet of ice. My nipples spring to attention, the attention of your teeth. I crawl over you hovering like a vampire with it's pray. With my right knee I push your legs apart, lowering myself to you-nipples on nipples, flesh on flesh. The smell of your pussie infuses my senses giving me an appetite. Tracing the out line of your thong, sliding my hand down the inside of your thigh to your knee and back again, kissing every inch along the way. You lie their motionless lapping up all that I give you, all that I am, all that I think I'm falling in love with you. I can smell the moistness of your pussie, I inhale, flick the tip of my tongue over the fabric then bite into the black lace, you let out a loud moan, I wait, look up into your eyes, you smile back at me, I continue to tease you. Reaching to grasp the pink buds of naughtiness erect and wanting attention, rolling them between thumb and fore finger, softly then with more pressure; you scream. I smile wickedly under the covers. Placing one finger upon the black lace, waiting, ... waiting................... waiting. Your breathing is gettin heavier, as my finger delves into the depths of no return. Totally shaven, smooth and free. I trace the put line of your lips. inhale the sweet scent of your hot hole, reaching closer and with my pointed tongue lick the out line of your juicy flesh. Pulling away, you toss and turn, trying to fight the eruption that is taking part inside of you. Taking two fingers into my mouth, lubricating them, slowly gliding them into your pussie, I kiss your labia, part your lips and push my tongue all the way in. The pace quickens in and out, licking and flicking, licking and flicking my tongue upon your genitals. You rock your body in time with mine, you orgasm building with every second, every minute I touch you, every kiss I kiss you with, every fuck I fuck you with, the tension is mounting; I can feel you coming. My hand moves faster, you're thrashing about the bed, your legs wide, your hands gripping the fresh cotton sheets, thrashing with total abandonment, from a quiet squeal, your voice rings out.. a thousand choirs singing. Total rapture evades your soul, riling in Ecstasy. Complete surrender. I kiss you, slowly, gently, the orgasm slowing, it takes every ounce of your energy. Exhausted, you lie so still, after shocks of orgasmic tremor's flicker through your body, kissing every inch of your soul. You pull me toward you, I collapse beside you, wrapping my arms around you, planting sweet kisses over your face, neck, shoulders, eye lids and mouth. We lie there motionless, in exhaustion of our love making. Your skin tastes so Delicious so tender- warm. You look at me with those dark eyes, the windows to your soul. You smile with so much emotion, my vision becoming cloudy, I blink, a tear escapes-rolling down my face.. I am falling in love with you.

Sunday, 12 October 2008

New Love

The night was frosty, a thin layer of fog covering the earths crust. I called for a bottle of red wine, some thing to calm the nerves. We hadn't seen each other for several years, not since your girl went away-precious time to heal. I parked the car and walked gingerly up the gravel drive, dogs barking in every direction echoing all around-met by one tiny dog with a face that resembled road kill.. the breed I think imitates bad posture combined with broken nose defect ( pushed in !) After making my peace with the tiny creature... I meandered up to your front door, nerves getting the better of me. Knockin a couple of times, rearranging my jacket, straightening my hair, the door opened. God you looked so vibrant and sexy... we were all fingers and thumbs, I hugged you a welcome but really intended to kiss you, not sure if I was rushing things-treading carefully. " Hi "... yeah " hi "... coats off and wine corked. " How have you been?" You look so good, I mean- stumbling with what I was trying to say, we laughed, I know you knew what I was trying to say, it just came out back to front-nerves!!
We went into the lounge and sat down on a small but fairly comfortable sofa. After a while and several glasses of wine, I swung my leg around, folding under my leg, not knowing where to put the other one, I casually asked if you'd mind if I put it over your legs.. that's better. " More wine ?" we got steadily drunk, easing the moment when you slid your left hand up my jeans legs stroking it so softly, your right hand over the upper part of my right thigh, shivers raised up and down my spine, I wanted to kiss you there 'n' then, with the feeling of want in my pussie. Shifting my bum on the furniture, the crack of the fabric rubbin my clit, I almost came! The evening went on into the early hours of the next morning. The clock striking on every hour, Meir back ground sound. We shifted alot of emotional baggage, cleared alot of stuff, cried together, laughed together; we were meant to be.. your ex had said 'that' on many occasion, the frightened words of a dying woman.Your hands still tickling my leg, gently rubbing my foot, I love having my feet touched, sensuous. I melt under your touch, your eyes saying you want me, was I reading your mind right. You've been to hell and back these past few years, I wasn't about to take the wrong signals and ruin anything.. you turned , looked me straight in the eyes....... it felt like an eternity... I met you half way-our breath hot, skin warm, caught in the heat of the night, passions running high. I leaned forward to kiss you, you pulled back, you mimicked my move then in for the kill.. tongues deep n hot, playing the tango, your sweet tender lips against mine. My right hand tracing the out line of your face, down your neck around the front of your ample juicy breasts- you're putty in my hands; I so wanted to undress you there and then, take you to euphoria. Another night, another time, you had an early start that morning. The kitchen clock struck 2 o'clock ... we looked at each other, our mouths wet and glistening, my heart racing, the blood in my veins pumping.. my pussie so in need of some stimulation, so tired, so excited, excited for the next time we meet.......

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Speed Demon

The sky was painted black. The sun was hot upon my back. I climbed upon my trusted steed, with the wind in my face, I smiled. Turned the ignition, the engine burst into life... with a delicate throb between my thighs, I rode off into the sun. It wasn't long before I was speeding down the free way, not a care in my head. I felt the tickle of my mobile in my leather jeans pocket. Checking my mirror, I indicated and pulled into the to road, knocked her into neutral and slowed to a stop. I had one message on my phone.. it read ' I'm ready and waiting for a ride, pick me up at 10'clock,-I'll be waiting in the usual place, don't be late.' The heat of the throbbing engine rose between my thighs, I smiled and chuckled to myself. I have a hot date with a woman. The sun was rising in the sky, the heat was rising in my groin. I checked my watch, 9.58a.m, I pulled into the lay by and sure enough you were there, waiting for me. I smiled beneath my visor, put her into neutral and brought her to a rest, kicked down my side stand. Nervous of what was to come, the anticipation warming my flesh. ' Hi ' I grinned at you. I dismounted the bike, turned to face you. Your black leather trousers fitted you s tightly I could've sworn they were painted on, touching every inch of your fit body. Taking off my crash helmet, my golden hair falling in a ribbon of gold down my back. You smiled at me. I smiled back, wanting to take you there and then. We talked of where we were going that morning, what route to ride. Lunch was packed, with all varieties of luxuries awaiting to be devoured, along with her body; my appetite was hungry, my love for her was growing with every moment spent. ' Let's ride, the sun is warm, the weather... ideal for today, let's not spend another day talking... you smiled and we mounted the bike. The throb of the 1300cc engine sent tingles through my loins. You climbed on and held me around my waist. I found it hard to concentrate, but I did. I opened up the throttle, slowly, tempting the bike, holding on with my thighs. The scenery is beautiful, green fields, trees, lakes. I could feel the heat rising in my loins, my pussie started to mimic the engines noise. I tried to adjust myself but you clung so close to me. Relaxing my seat without you noticing; I felt your hands slip, lower toward my thighs. My jacket had risen up with the speed of the bike, the wind causing an updraft. I smiled to myself, licking my lips. A cool draft flew into my pants, I looked quickly looked down, not wanting to take my eyes of the road, not wanting to lose concentration. Your hands had slipped into my trousers and you were sliding your right hand into my boxers. I wanted to stop the bike, climb off and fuck you there and then, but the thrill of being played with at high speed was so much more sexual. I had to lift my visor up, I was starting to steam up. My nipples became erect rubbing against the t-shirt I was wearing. My breasts became firm. Trying to rock against your hand, leaning backward for better access for your hand. With the contrast of cold wind and the warmth of your fingers rubbing against my clit, I was sure to crash. The faster your hand rubbed the faster the bike seemed to travel... I was starting to cum. Trying to hold on with my thighs to steady the machine... I came with a cry of shear euphoria, my thighs trembling... with an aching in my breasts, wanting to break free. An awesome feeling of losing control.. but not losing control. I want to kiss you, I let go of my left hand and slide between her thighs behind me; squeezing her flesh beneath the black leather, a promise of what is yet to cum.

Sunday, 24 August 2008


Today is the Anniversary of my journey down to Devon. It's this time last year I found out my best friend was poorly, so I drove to Devon to see her. The journey was long, hot and tiring but well worth it, as I wasn't sure how long it would be before I saw her again, if at all. She had been taken ill and was coping the best way she new how. Secondary lung cancer is difficult in any one's eyes to cope with. The thought of dying is scary enough. But to be told that you have only a short time left to live must be earth shattering.. and maybe she didn't take it all in, maybe she knew but wasn't showing so. It's usually the people left behind that have to come to terms with it. Today I went to her house in the local village, where she once lived and thrived. The house is locked and a for sale sign is bolted to the wall. Quit a sad day for me. I went on my motorbike, parked it up and sat for some considerable time on the porch, just thinking of what she might have said about my new bike. I tried to hold it together and was doing really well until her neighbour appeared and asked why I was sitting where I was. I told him I was remembering the good times as my best friend used to live here but died last year. Up until that moment I was OK. He was a friendly kind of a man in his mature years. 'Oh yes' he said, with a broad smile on his face. 'She was a lovely lady...' that was it for me, my eyes started to fill up and I started to cry! He started to move away, 'Oh I'm sorry for upsetting you,' he said. 'That's alright, ' smiling back, it was due to happen, and it's good that I've come round to see her again. I still talk to her, she's with me most of the time, it does get easier, but I wish she was still here, I have so much to tell her, we have so much too laugh about, jokes to tell, hugs to share!
I spoke to her daughter a while back; they still have her ashes; they can't move on yet, but as long as they have her with them, that's comfort in itself isn't it? I couldn't make the service held for her last year, I was in Morocco. I do have the service sheet from the church and the poem she adored so much. This is the poem by Joyce Grenfell.........

If I should go before the rest of you,
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone.
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice,
Be the usual selves that I have known.
Weep if you must,
Parting is hell,
But life goes on,
So sing as well.

I shall remember my best friend as I knew her best, full of life, always laughing, bright, vibrant,
cheerful, charming, with an abundance of love for life and every one around her, family and friends. I loved her then with all my heart and I still do.

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Fancy Dress

On Friday 22nd August I'm going to go fancy dress for charity, my friend Caroline's organising the evening. Her other friends are going dressed as either fairies or maids! I do not wish to go dressed as a f***ing fairy! That is not my thing.. however I do fancy going as a Dominatrix, now THAT is more my thing!! There is one other problem . . . . we're targeting the local pubs in a near by town, I'm not sure the locals could handle a full on Dominatrix? Can you imagine the lads and the older men, half of them perhaps don't even know what a Dominatrix looks like let alone does?!! I am running out of time as the event is THIS Friday night. I'm wondering 'what' I should do exactly. Does anyone have any brain waves, some thing that won't cost me a bean, as I'm skint. I am all out of ideas right now. Let me fill you in some more, my friend's doing the Sahara walk next year to raise money for diabetes, a much needed charity like all the others out there. I have to admit I'm jealous of her, although I couldn't put myself through the rigorous training that she will have to endure, I have an idea of what she will have to do to get fit, if it's anything like what I did for 6 months re London Marathon, she has her work cut out for sure and I wish her all the very best. My contribution is walking the streets and pubs begging for money, shakin my collection box, and making a complete fool of myself in the process, I truly cannot wait. SO . . . . . . . What am I to wear???????? Did think about my birthday suit but I might get arrested!! That wouldn't bode well for my occupation! Years ago my dad made some olde fashoined stocks, I sat in them locked in and people got their revenge throwing cold wet sponges at me, made loads of money, almost got the flu in the process!! Hmmmm.... come on peole I need your HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, 14 August 2008

Lucky Escape

For some considerable time now I've been feeling some what low! Not sure about how I've been feeling this way but I've come to the conclusion it's either an iron deficiency or the lack of hormones!! Either way I'm gettin on with dealing with it... HOW?? Alcohol!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm startin to get a liking for red wine. For years I didn't ever drink it, I'm hooked on it now... to the point of nearly every night I look forward to a drink with my dinner. Well tonight I'm well n truly trollied! Although I'm bordering on almost sober, due to the almost good typing.. without too many mistakes. Tonight however took a turn for the worst... not to go too much into detail, I've been very pissed. I'm startin to think I have a problem? Tonight I've drank almost a whole bottle of some nice red bird, er... bottle! I've had a good day at work although I'm hung over in love with several women... several? yeh! I like to keep my options open, not that they even know I even exist! I'm rambling now... SO why and what am I talking about. Too be totally honest I'm not really sure, like I said earlier I've kinda lost the reality on life just lately. Tonight I came so god damn close to getting a sharp implement and doing some major damage. I tried so fucking hard to control my destiny... I tried so fucking...........................................................! Yeah am back again, sorry, hey shit... no! I'm not apologising for no one, I gotta get through this my way... how? I have no idea, but I can't go back to my old ways, I can't.... I nearly did tonight but it was a lucky escape for sure.................................

Friday, 1 August 2008

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty woman where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suite a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms, the span of my hips
The stride of my step, the curl of my lips.
I'm a woman, Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, that's me.

I walk in a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man, the fellows stand or
Fall to their knees.
Then they swarm aound me,
A hive of honey bees,
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I am a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Saturday, 26 July 2008

Facing my fears

Today I've been out on my Yamaha FJR 1300 motorbike. I've travelled a long way. With the sun in my eyes, the throttle between my fingers and the roads beneath my wheels... I've had alot of fun. Today I went to Warwick in Warwick shire- a beautiful county. With endless winding roads to open her up and work my way up and down the gears. I did decide it would be rather brave of me to take her down the motorway, the last time I did that I frightened myself BIG time, today, however.... was easy. My previous bike didn't have the pull that this bike's got;if I want to move away with this bike I do-she has such shear power, she's awesome. I couldn't have chosen a better day for roaming around the countryside, the only down side is, in this heat... I get very hot n sticky in my black leather trousers.... but as I have a fetish for 'black leather' I can put up with it. The clue to riding on a three lane motor way is to keep your cool, concentrate and have eyes in every direction. You need to remember that every body on the road is wanting to get to where they're going as fast as they can... sometimes having little regard for the other users on the road ie: us motor bikers. I did at one stage of the journey find myself relaxing and actually starting to enjoy it, finding myself positioned in the outside lane whilst overtaking. Each and every time I go out on Black Thunder, every time I sit on her and turn the key in the ignition I'm risking everything, but I know what I have to do, I know there are idiots out there, drivers who don't see me, us... other road users who couldn't care less if they cut us up. But, you have to give them a wide birth, I have to know what the car in front of the car in front of the car in front is doing before the two cars behind 'that' car have realised and start to either slow down or start to stop. I have to read every one else's moves, if I don't then I in Big trouble. It's hard work, but I have to do it, for my safety. My safety is paramount to my survival.. and anyone who I take out with me, the pillion passenger is my responsibilty too. I read some where that you have to do some thing every day that scares you. I did that today, and I'm very proud of the fact that I faced my 'fear' and survived. I'm looking forward to going out again and going back on to the motorways, knowing now that they don't scare me anymore. I've faced my fear.

Friday, 11 July 2008

Time to say goodbye

Tomorrow I will be handing over my dear friend Dragonfly, my trusted friend my Honda deauville 650cc motorbike, in a part exchange for my new bike. I'm kind of sad, I always get attached to my bikes, like my cars, but I don't name my cars-just my bikes. Well you've seen the photograph on my blog... I actually get to bring the new bike home tomorrow. I would like it to be a nice day, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a dry journey. I shall say my goodbyes tomorrow just before I ride her for the last time, she's been a great piece of mechanical brilliance and never let me down, pitty people can't be like that.. never letting us down! I have to make room in my life for new beginnings. I know that once I get to grips with the Yamaha FJR 1300 aptly named ' Black Thunder,' I will love riding her. I will have to run her in, go steady for at least the first 200 miles, that shouldn't be too difficult, I'm not a stupid rider, I'd like to class myself as a sensible rider. I had a near miss the other day in the car park at work, some silly bugger didn't stop to see what or who was coming around the corner, it happened to be ME!! I slammed on the brakes, she kind of hit her brakes and we managed to miss one another... her explanation was " Oh sorry duck I didn't see you!" ... That's the main problem with prats in cars, they have tunnel vision and don't look out for any other road users..
For god sake it's a big enough bike ad I was wearing bright yellow fluorescent jacket, how the hell could she MISS me? Anyway, I can't make excuses for the idiots on the road who don't recognise us bikers, they should be given a test to see how they would cope in an accident with a biker or better still how to avoid having the accident in the first place! I will love and care for my new baby, she's brand new. I've had an alarm fitted, data chipped,heated handle bar grips, top box suitable for two crash helmets, and the addition of intercom, so I can talk to any passengers I decide to take on board. I'm quietly excited, tired more likely. I've been up since 5a.m-having started work this morning at 6a.m.

Tuesday, 8 July 2008


We live in a world where nothing shocks any more unless of course it's your daughter or your mother or your cousin who's done some thing wrong. I remember the first time my dad saw my 1st tattoo, I was 38yrs old and he went ballistic at me... 30 fucking 8 and he went of his head at me???? What's with this parent thing? Doesn't it fuck you off? It did me, so I went into rebellious mode, and over the years have graduated to 6 tattoo's, unbe known to him..Ha! Ha! Am now in the process of wanting to cover an old tattoo over, as I've grown bored with it. I want another tattoo over the top of it, as yet I haven't decided what am going to cover it with! I shall give it considerable thought before going down that road. I love my tats but I've grown out of one in particular, the more I see it the more I don't want it any more, these things happen, I thought I would love it forever, I was wrong! So what shall I decide on? Animal? Portrait? I don't go in for names, never ever have a name tattooed on your skin, that's a definite no no. My friends son's just had an awesome tattoo done, his first. I remember my first, I'd like to cover my back with an amazing tattoo of a tiger leaping out of water, but A. I don't have that kind of money and B. my bike comes first. My brand new motorbike is and will be my life. So ... come on people, let's hear your advice on what I will do in the not too distant future, what do you think? Do you have any suggestions.. I would however like to design my very own tattoo, so know one else can have it.

Sunday, 6 July 2008

Guardian Angel

Have you ever seen some one be it a complete stranger who you've had an immediate connection with? I did the other day. I was standing out side a super market in our local town, minding my own business, trying to get a signal for my phone... when all of a sudden out of thin air, this female came towards me, almost as though she knew me. I kind of smiled, well I think I smiled at her-you see-she had got this almost hypnotic stance about her. I think I actually blushed, but I never took my eyes off her, and she-me.I stood my ground, hand held tightly toward my right ear, mouth slightly ajar. I felt a sudden feeling of euphoria rush through me... I do believe we all have a guardian angel with us;watching over us. We may not know this but I do actually believe this. I finished with my mobile phone and proceeded into the super market, to look for her. Every isle I went down, she had just finished going down and as I entered the next isle, she disappeared around the other corner. I saw her face the first time, outside, she was smiling at me, like she knew me... I can't really explain it but I felt like I'd seen her before, but I haven't, I would've remembered, for sure. I have a remarkably good memory for faces, so who was she? By the time I'd got the items on my shopping list, she had gone. I chased every trolley with a female in blue jeans, tall with long dark hair, but I couldn't have missed her, it's not possible! I had convinced myself she was for real, she couldn't have been a figment of my imagination, she smiled at me;outside the super market. I rushed out of the store, expecting to see her getting into a car, or packing her stuff away in to the boot of a car, NO ... she had vanished, almost like she was never really there; but she was and she smiled at me, I saw her... I have come to the conclusion she was my very own guardian angel, keeping watch over me.

Sunday, 29 June 2008

Black Thunder

I'd like to introduce you all to my brand new motorbike. She's aptly named 'Black Thunder.'
She's a Yamaha FJR 1300. Her number plate is DXO8OOF. I
haven't actually got her yet, I collect her on July 12th, and I can't wait to show her the roads, sit astride her magnificent body and feel the vibrations between my thighs!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm almost sure we'll have many many years of fun, I shall take great care of her, show her the ropes, so to speak... and pick up some pillion passengers along the way... for sure. Just think.... hot women clad in 'black leather' from head to toe, holding onto me around my waist, fearless of nothing......'oh boy' YES we're going have alot of 'wicked' fun!!!!!!! So what do you reckon to my new toy? beats any hand held rabbit my eyes anyway... this has class, this has style, she goes so fucking fast, I'm bound to smile!!

Saturday, 28 June 2008

Highway 69

The weather had turned out nice, with a cool breeze, high cloud. Ideal biking weather. I climbed into the shower, the heat of the water wakening my senses, showering me with tiny goose bumps, my face wet and the water running down my ample breasts. I lathered the flannel, chasing the out line of my thighs down to my toes. As I bent down to wash my feet, the water ran down and beneath my breasts, the liquid dangling off my nipples, the droplets of water hitting the bath. I dragged my hands down the length of my body, flicking them out wards, grabbing the towel and stepping out of the bath to dry myself. The towel was rough, dry from hanging outside in the wind, the only way I like to be dried, roughly! I moisturise my skin all over with some scented body lotion, the delicate perfume lingerers in the air, awakens my senses. I inhale the smell. Taking my black leather trousers form the wardrobe, I feel the weight, dragging my feet one at a time into them. Mmmmm.. I just Lurve the smell of black leather, no other colour smells quite the same, it has to be black, it oozes power, passion, excitement!!! I'm almost ready for my journey, heading out on the highway looking for adventure what ever comes my way.. I was born to be wild!! I take a brief glance at my wrist watch, checkin the time, checkin I have enough fuel, yeah I do. I grab my keys, de-activate the alarm and climb on to my brand new beast of a machine. She's hot, she's ready and she's mine.
The smell of petrol, the throb of the engine, she trembles between my thighs, pure energy.
I hit the indicator glance left and turn right, acceleration is just a flick of my wrist away. Down the free way for the first twenty miles, a straight road, no traffic, time to see what she's really made of?! I rip back the throttle and take her to the limit, the wind's in my hair, and I've left all my worries behind me. The shear power of this bike excels itself beyond anything I've ever known. I lose my concentration and slip into auto pilot for a split second My mind isn't where it should be, on the road. I'm humming rock music, but I can hear sirens, as my mind returns to the matter of the situation I realise I'm being tailed by a cop car. The sirren hollows the air followed by a blue light. I pull over to the side of the road, turn my ignition off and await the officer. To my surprise a female officer steps out of the patrol car and strutts her way over to where I'm parked. " Step away from the bike " a strong southern accent. I climb off my bike and move a steps away. The sun is in my eyes so I don't get a good look of who I'm talking to. The female officer has long dark hair held together at the ack of her head with several pins, in a bun. Her complexion is clean with an olive type skin and very pretty. She grabs hold of my upper arm, man handling me with some force. She points to the patrol car, dragging me toward it. I follow her with haste trying to keep up, but she's too strong for me, I stumble and fall over.
Feeling awkward and hot form the days sun, I wipe my brow with my hand. My breasts are hot and I am thirsty. As I move nearer to the car, I can see she is smiling, but I decline from getting chatty. My throat is dry. My groin however is sweaty, my pussie twitches for some attention, I need to pee!... " Eerr excuse me officer but I need to go to the bathroom!" She throws my arm away and points at a large cactus at the side of the road. " If you need to go to the bathroom then you'll have to make do with that " and points her finger at the cactus. I stumble toward the prickly thing, fumbling at the buttons on my leather trousers. Not taking much notice as to who might be watching me, I bend my legs yank down my blt's, desperate to pee I let go of a hot flood or yellow steaming liquid, the relief is beautiful. " Arghhhhhhhh... ni-ce. " As i stand up I look round only to find the officer with her hand down her trousers, and 'playing ' with herself. I fumble with my zipper, smiling to myself, I walk slowly back to the cop car. She pushes me up against the door... " Spread 'em bitch." She kicks my ankles hard, my feet lose their grip on the loose gravel. I grab a hold of the door frame, stopping myself falling further to the ground. She runs her hands over my body as though she's looking for drugs?! She grabs my shoulder and swings me around, my back hits the door with a bang, my legs falling from beneath me, but she holds me tight. Our eyes meet, her hands pulling at my jacket, and slowly she pulls down the long zip, exposing my bra less breasts,trapped beneath the fabric, my nipples hard and erect. The warm air clinging to my skin. My lips part and I want to pull her into me, I want to delve into her pants, I want to fuck her there and then. She smoothes away the hair from my face, tracing the out line of my mouth, pushing her thumb into my mouth, running it the full length of my teeth, I bite it hard, she pulls away. Our breathing becomin laboured. I pull her into me, she straddles my thigh, grinding her groin with such force, moaning. We rock gently at first, but as the orgasm builds, the rocking becoming almost violent. My breasts swinging freely beneath the fabric, She squeezes my right nipple so hard I cry out in pain. I bite her finger, she pulls it away. I push her away from me, I slump to the ground leaving her standing, me between her thighs. I reach up tugging at her trousers, freeing her clit from it's fabric tomb. Kneeling up I engulf my tongue upon her pussie, pushing my fingers deep into her anus, she rips at my hair, thumping the car, the torment of her passion entwined with heat of the sun. Faster and faster I pump her vagina with all that I have. Her legs start to tremble, she's coming.................. with the force of a tornado, she wriggles and squirms trying to fight against it. But with one final thrust, her loins gyrating in every direction I feel the orgasm tear through her with such speed, her juices flowing down my face and onto my breasts. As the moment subsides, she kneels down to kiss me, her dark sensuous lips engulf my mouth, our tongues dart in and out, teasing each other. We embrace for what seems like forever. We get dressed again, at which point she pulls out her note pad, I all expecting a ticket for speeding, she writes down her number instead, my heart misses a beat, I smile at her, she kisses me on the forehead and thanks me for my services. I smile, licking my fingers, tucking my shirt back into my blt's walking back to my bike, I turn to wave, she waves back, climbs in her car, drives off. " WOW" is all I can think, I can't wait to get back home, I'm oh so fucking randy now, can I ride back safely? for sure, but maybe not so fast!!!!

Thursday, 26 June 2008

Test Ride

On Saturday 28th June, I'm going to, for the very first time, ride the bike that I've fallen in love with. I have a list of questions I want to ask the dealer. I am very excited and can't wait to sit on 'Black Thunder'... that's her new name. You see I've named her and I haven't even ridden her yet let alone bought her! I do hope for nice weather but being Britain, being June, I think I'm asking for a hell of alot!! I'm even thinking about housing her, for insurance purposes. Oh yes, it's all happening. I've done my sums and can afford this hum dinger of a beast. Apparently the bike comes in dark red, silver and black, I have to Say I much prefer black... black makes a statement, black is clear and precise, black is black. The hum of the engine, the throb of the chassis between my legs, just thinking about it makes me want to go and play with my clit.... Oh and the best part...... wearing tight black leather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! '''OH YEAH''' I'm in love that IS for sure. Bikes and women, and if I'm bloody lucky .............. a women in tight black leather on the back of my bike, holdin on tight around my waist............. now I really must go and masturbate.......................................................................

Saturday, 21 June 2008

Falling in love

Do you ever have those days when you find some thing, be it a new pairs of shoes or a new piece of jewellery? And you know you just have to have it? I did yesterday. I saw this gorgeous piece of silver jewellery, it took my breathe away. I wasn't looking to spend any money, but It was there waiting for me I guess. My eyes scanned it briefly, then moved on, only to find I'd gone back to it, drawn to it, hypnotised by its I bought it. I'm wearing it now. It consists of the rays of the sun which encases a semi circle of amber, but half of the amber is covered by the remainder of the silver in the form of a moon face, so delicately made, such wonder as it sits around my neck on a slinky silver chain... I just Love it.
I seem to be on a roll this week with falling in love! I have been looking for some time for a new motorbike, I have been scanning the websites, checking out the competition, sizing up the prices etc.etc.etc. I was blown away today by a bike....... yeah a motorbike! Not some thing that I will hang around my neck but a splendid piece of machinery made by a company who are renowned for making all kinds of things, including organs, electric key boards.. and awesome motorbikes. She is a beauty... I haven't actually bought her yet but I intend to. I will of course give her a name, bikes are always 'she's' I still can't get over her slick body work, instruments and shear magnitude of the whole bike. I will have sooooooooo much fun riding her, manoeuvring her around tight corners, to have her 1300cc engine throb between my thighs!! Mmmmmmm... 'Oh.. the joys of biking, I can't wait! AND ........ AND there's ALWAYS an AND!!! to wear my BLT'S...... Black Leather Trousers...just my BLT's? Oh yeah that would be sexy! Hot sexy flesh scantily clad in black leather, the smell of thunder in the distance & the throbbing between my thighs... not sure I'd get to ride anywhere with those erotic ingredients... I can almost envisage another tantalising story coming along!!! Watch this space....

Friday, 20 June 2008


I'm considering having another tattoo. I fancy a wicked fairy on my right foot. I haven't decided as to what design yet, but I've seen a few I like, I just haven't picked the right one. I like the pain of tattoos, I have quite a few already in various areas of my body. I might have another piercing while I'm at it. Why?....Why not! I feel like adorning my skin with varying pieces of art form.. it's my way of expressing myself. I wonder what the pain threshold for the sole of the foot is like? I do know that no Tattoo artist will tattoo the side of the hand, I have no idea why this is but I might enquire next time I go to see tattooist. If any one has any designs for wicked fairies and want to share them, I'd love to see them.
I once thought of having a 'branding' .. some thing very spiritual, cleansing my soul. A ying n yang emblem or the devil himself, just for laughs on my arse.. Oooowww the pain would be right up my street for sure.

Thursday, 19 June 2008

On the road to recovery

Tonight I had a sort out and I lit a bonfire, I thought I'd feel sad, angry, empty. I didn't feel anything., or if I did, I was hiding it well. It was the end of an era. Maybe it was the wine that I drank in vast gulps, maybe because I'd prepared myself for this event, I had accepted the inevitable. I have had a good clear out, it's amazing, us as human beings, just how much stuff we actually keep. I do however wish to apologise to some one for being ... possibly a bitch for any thing I've said, maybe they've taken it out of term, I don't know. But this for once is about me and how I've felt over the past god knows how many months. I'm looking toward the future, whatever that might bring, I know for sure that next time, if there is a 'next time' that I will not fall so fuckin head over in heals in love. I have to stay focused and take my time to channel my new energy's. Look after 'me' sod any body else. If I can't channel my energy's for me, then I have no hope for anybody else!! All my life I've been there for people, given my all, my best, my 100%. NOW I have to start taking care of 'myself.' I may not find new love, just loving myself is the number one priority right now.. and I'm not sure that's going to be easy.... but I will give it my 110%.

Fly me to the moon

Whilst rummaging through stuff to throw on the bonfire, I came across a poem, well words of a Frank Sinatra song...

Fly me to the moon

let me play among the stars

let me know what spring is like

on Jupiter and mars

In other words

hold my hand

In other words baby kiss me.

Fill my heart with song

and let me sing forever more

you are all I long for

all I worship and adore

In other words

Please be true

In other words....

I love you.

Wednesday, 18 June 2008


After my last blog, I've had time to realise that I'm ready for a large bonfire. I've got to soon or later and maybe I should have a long time ago, got rid of a load of emotional shit. I'm not tired and I haven't been drinking, unlike last Friday when it all came flooding to the surface! Whilst I was at work today, a few work friends asked was every thing alright with me? as I'm usually bright n cheerful n telling jokes. Some times I like to have a quiet day, time to reflect on what I really want out of life, at work and at home. I've had all day to figure it all out. You might agree or disagree with that but I'm ready. I won't be told how to deal with my life, and I'm pretty sure some folk only have my interests at heart, some.... those I work with just want some juicy gossip, they ... I do not class as true friends! Anyway when I tried to explain my healing process that I had the wonderful opportunity of receiving a few weeks ago, as soon as I opened my mouth, I just knew .... I was waisting my time trying to explain why I was being quiet. Things like 'healing' and ' grounding' are not the terminology that these 'Vanilla' folk would understand, let alone figure out. It'd be like me listening to some body talk Chinese... a complete and utter waist of time, WHY?? because I don't do 'Chinese' that's why! Right so that is my decision. I shall prepare an area of ground tomorrow night and pour some flammable liquid over the area, just to make sure that the evidence is completely destroyed. I won't shed any tears, I shall raise a glass to the future and make a wish, that I find new happiness. But like I said in my Friday night blog, I'm not in any immediate rush, it will happen when the time is right.

Friday, 13 June 2008

Dealing with stuff

A few drinks and our favourite music playing... life seemed just fine, then it all came flooding back. I really thought I'd got over you, I'd been kidding myself for so fucking long now... but it's the wine playing tricks on my mind, my emotions are flooding, I've been up too long. I remember when I'd text you in the morning to say my hello's and again in the afternoon, then last thing at night before I retired to my bed. I have a book full of hellos and goodbyes. How the days were made of candy, so sweet and un real, our lives were made in heaven, My life would never be the same again, or so I thought. If you are reading this now, you'll now what I'm talking about. no names mentioned but you now who you are. I have a magic box full and over flowing with spent love, your scent, your perfume, you. I keep wanting to have a tidy out, get rid of the things that no longer have any meaning, I really thought I could do it, I was wrong, I can't not yet, not quite ready for that just yet. You know who you are, you brought love into my existence, gave me so much and I gave you my every thing. I can't let go, and I'm not sure I ever will. I've tried so fucking hard to cast you aside, like you did me, just a bit on the side you said, I have to write about it like that because that's how it was, fucking painful. Love isn't all it's cracked up to be, I feel very hurt some times, when I remember what we had, what I lost.. I really have to fight against what I still feel. So why now I here you ask? why talk about it again? I've been awake too long, I'm messed up and drunk, it's the wine's fault! I never did get it off my chest did I? I NEVER told my side of the story, how I felt? This might hurt you, you know who you are. I wanted to die that day. I went to hell and back, thought about suicide, yeah pathetic I know but that's how I felt. Why now? why not?
May be it's time to say goodbye. Time to have that tidy out! Light the bonfire and say my farewells! Out with the old and make room for the new whatever! Life's shit some times, this is for real, this is how it is, that's how it was then, time heals does it? That's a load of bull shit and every one knows it. I don't want forgiveness, it's too late for that, I've written my heart out tonight, it' was there and I had to write, it's the wine talking and I'm too tired to care. I know what we had, what we lost, I loved you so fucking much. I was doing so well, but just lately I've had different visions, coming from every direction, I'm lost some times, take a different direction, I'm still dealing with stuff, I'll get there one day, but there's no immediate rush!

Friday, 6 June 2008

Spiritual Healing

I had a very out of the ordinary experience a couple of weeks ago. I had the opportunity of talking to a lady, who has got the ability to heal people. I had a few issues and had been feeling anxious, bad tempered and other things, so what happened next?. Well I'm not quite sure what she did .. but I sat on a chair and was told to empty my mind, of which I had no problem in achieving-usually it's full of other cast offs of other people's troubles;the only other time my mind's empty is when am asleep! So .. I sat on the chair and she stood directly behind me placing her right hand on my fore head and her left hand on my left shoulder. OK I thought. She was in contact with me for what seemed a long time but in fact it was just a few minutes. She started off breathing normally then her breathing became kind of laboured as though, and this is my theory, she was drawing out my bad energy. I've never experienced any thing quite like that ever!! Afterwards I felt different, dizzy and tearful, so did my new found friend, she cried a bit and was fine. I still don't know what exactly happened that day, I can only explain as above. I had about a pint of water to hydrate me again??? Then because I was giddy, she told me I had to be earthed again?!!........ She showed me how to do this. From head to foot brush myself over every inch of my body to re-a line my Aura. I had no idea what to expect the next day.. if any thing at all. I was right to believe I might have after tremors so to speak. All day the following day I felt SO relaxed and 'different.' No more bad feelings inside, not anxious any more, and also very tearful as though some-one had passed away, maybe it was the old me that had passed away and this what I feel now is the new me? like I said I don't know what transpired. I can only say I've been 're-born' what else could it have been? I feel very humble to have met this lady, I wish I had her ability to do what she did to me. We still keep in touch via e mail. She's still thinking of me. I have the power to nurture some thing with in me, I'm not sure what it is but I'm on a different journey now and I think I can just make out the light at the end of the tunnel. So over the last few weeks since my spiritual healing took place I've been watching and waiting for some thing to happen... Yesterday I was getting out of bed at the usual time of 7'o'clock.m, I turned the bed side radio on whilst I got washed and dressed. I could hear music coming from downstairs in the kitchen, but I knew I was the only one on the house, so who had TURNED the radio on in the kitchen? After a few minutes and the initial shock of realising there might be a ghost in the building;shivers ran up and down my spine! OK so I can SEE ghosts?? The plot thickens. I went down stairs to turn the radio off, but I couldn't......... it wouldn't let me........I tried to turn the volume down, again it wouldn't let me. My hand now shaking.... I pulled the plug out! Went back upstairs and finished getting ready for work. I left the house feeling slightly nervous and shaking. Oh it doesn't stop there, oh no! Today it happened again, same scenario only this time the channel on the radio changed to a foreign one. SO do I believe that I have this invisible force to make electrical equipment to come alive or do I have a ghost? Either way ........................ it's got my attention, for sure!!!!!!!!

Friday, 30 May 2008


Yesterday I paid in my sponsor money for the race for life charity for cancer research. A grand total and I'm proud to have raised £142.50 for the cause. I've had a rough week one way or another. I went to a friends funeral on Wednesday, he died of leukemia at the young age of 68yrs. Yesterday my boss at work told me he had just been diagnosed with throat cancer. So even though we cannot help people directly and make this awful disease go away, we can still raise much needed funds for the research into hopefully one day finding a cure for cancer.
So lets keep giving for these well worth causes and never forget the one's we've lost. Take care of the friends we still have, give them love and respect and treat them as you would like to be treated. We may not be on this planet for ever so come on people lets get ready to party, as life's for living.

Friday, 23 May 2008

A tribute to my best friend

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
with a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me,
and I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves,
and satin sandals and say we have no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
and run my stick along public railings,
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other peoples gardens..
and learn to spit.

You can wear horrible shirts and grow more fat,
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go..
or only bread and pickle for a week.
And heard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street,
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
so people who know me are not to be shocked and surprised
when suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.

This is a poem my friend wrote to me to try and cheer me up one year when I'd had foot surgery. I've treasured it for ever and still have it. She was always so full of life, life so tragically taken away from her last year, after a short fight against cancer. So you see she never got to learn to spit, rattle her stick along the railings and to wear purple. As for wearing purple, well I got to wear pink when I ran for cancer on May 10th this year. The grand total of my efforts has risen to £142.50 . Last year whilst I was in Morocco I visited Marrakesh, where my friend had visited some many years previous, so this was a trip I had to do. The Sunday of the journey to this amazing city had bearing on me reading this very poem, because in England on the same day in a small village called Ilam in Derby-shire, in a church on a sunny day, the family of my best friend were celebrating her life, every one that ever met her was there and by all accounts the church was full. But as I was unable to be there, I had my very own private ceremony.. and I read this poem.............................
shead alot of................. tears.. and told her I loved her and missed her.
She was most certainly with me on the day of the race, more than likely looking down and laughing at me... my naked legs more likey!! She had a wicked sense of humour, she oozed personality and life. At the bottom of the poem, she added 'Hi you, thought you'd like this poem "Warning" I do & I'm getting there sooner than you' Thinking of you strapped & laid up after your operation... see you soon. Love Anita. Or as I'd called her and still do 'nattie.'

Sunday, 18 May 2008

Only Human

I've had an amazing 24 hours! Last night I had a fantastic night out with a woman who I've been best friends with for so long, but I fancy her to pieces. Today I've been out for a thrill of a ride on my motorbike. Washed and polished her, cooked n amazing dinner and got pissed on three glasses of cabinet wine, and still drinking. This isn't normal this is M&S food...hahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahah... or as I say this is S&M food!! It's an enormous feeling, of total euphoria. This feels foreign to me because I've felt so depressed just lately, anxious, panic attacks, is it my age? Go fucking knows but one minute I'm high as a kite and the next I'm thinking fuck life I've had enough! I need help I think. Or is the fact that I'm talented and can't come to terms with life? I read some where some time ago that the talented are more likely to have problems dealing with life itself than normal people who just live to work and breathe n work, full stop! So do I deliberate with the physic? do I continue to drink myself into oblivion or just get on with life? We tend to judge ourselves when infact we should live for the moment. A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer of the blood about three months ago, he spent 10 months in hospital......... He died yesterday. Alcohol lowers the senses, you can go from happy to sad in seconds..... I just did! Life is for living... live today as if it was your last. I'll be OK in the morning, will no doubt have forgotten about this conversation by tomorrow, may well think about what I've read and laugh at what I wrote.... I am after all only HUMAN!

One Hot Second

You and I had a late night. I was due at half seven, but arrived at eight. You wore my favourite perfume, my senses dancing with euphoria every whiff I got. I drove, we chatted, where to go? Try some where different? sure. Another village another country pub, busy chatter every where, bright surroundings. You sat next to me, I turned my head to see you, you smiled at me. A swift half of this I had the same, next to be fruit juice, I was driving, remember? Next place nearer town, new owners. Very nice decor, soft sumptuous leather sofas, decorative guitars hung, tempted to pluck... resisted. We sat next to each other and reminisced, your face broad with smiles of events gone, I slightly embarrassed over one in particular, but if you'd known me as you do now, but then, back there, the situation would have resolved itself, still smile about it though, but we moved on, for better, and you were getting slightly worse.. too much wine. Lively conversations, our body's getting comfortable and warm against the leather sofas, me not wanting to move. I yawn, then you. We leave and I take you home, every one's gone to bed. The house lay in darkness and cold, the heating having switched off. I shiver as we enter the front door, your key clicking in the lock. You put the kettle on, I'm on tea now, driving remember. You get the brandy out and pour a large amount into a cut glass. We sit talking, I can tell you're very relaxed now, I smile at you, you return the gesture. I hug the mug of tea, I'm tired and now cold. You light the gas fire, soon the room is filled with colour. We tuned the computer on, our smiles turned to loud chatter. We scanned certain web sites, voyeurism with intent on finding some thing saucy! A poem I'd written on my blogg. The brandy's working well, you start to get slurd with your speech. All I need to is turn to you and.... but I resist. I've recently finished a story, you lean further toward the screen, trouble focusing, you start to read it. I smile and sit back in the chair, my hands rest peacefully in my lap, I smile at you but you're lost in the words, I smile anyway. You're wearing a white low cut top, each moment I win, and you're not looking in my direction-I steal a gaze of your cleavage. My eyes easy, my expression calm. You giggled at the story, my loins become awaken, I'm feeling moist, I want you but I bide my time, not yet my friend, not yet. This moment holds very close a life long friendship and an intoxication of hidden passion. I want you and the time is now, but again I resist. My pussie tingles, I rub my legs together, sensations slide down my thighs, I wriggle, make some excuse to use the bathroom. I return and the brandy's almost gone, my god slow down I thought, she'll pass out before I get any further at this rate, I smiled at you. I turned to look at the kitchen clock..'hey you got work in the morning'...'yeah, but who cares' came your reply, not a care in the world. You moved closer to me, resting your hand on my thigh, I sat back so you could see the screen, straining to focus. I suggested I read the poem of the year to you, raw sex in every sense, lost love, the hurt left behind. You'd see it before and made a comment about how I'd suffered and still was, I brushed it aside, yes it did hurt, but I've moved on. Your sumptuous right breast, soft pink flesh oozing out of your white bra, my gaze now fixed in one direction, yours! I ran my finger down the length of your top, stroking your skin, 'hey you're leaking.' I didn't hear what you said, I was in heaven, momentarily. 'Yeah' ... I lost all train of thought. I picked my coat up and suggested you went to bed, I need mine too. You followed me to the front door, the smell of the midnight air hit my nostrils, a shiver ran down my spine. 'Click' the central locking open, climbing into my car, you swaying in time to the music. Female vocals purrfect for the kind of moment that was too follow. I asked you for a good night kiss. You leaned forward and with soft parted lips offered yourself to me. For one brief minute that felt like a life time, we shared a kiss, a soft sensuous perfect in every way....kiss. I wanted to pull you in, into the car, embrace you, pull you further into my world. At last my evening was complete. A short sweet kiss is some times all it takes, some times that's all it needs. I was happy, I was content.

Friday, 16 May 2008

Letting of Steam.

I don't know if it happens to every one, but I tend to get either morbid or extremely happy when drinking. I know it relaxes the senses, helping you to unwind, gives you a false sense of security...blah blah blah. I can touch on a few nerves some times, I don't always mean it of course but when I drink I lose faith in the ability to have such feelings;so how can I judge what I've done or come to terms with the fact that I've just written a load of bullshit?! I think tonight I've possibly written a poem from the deep depths of my once ticking happy heart, and turned it into a weird kind of bad tasting poem. But some times I have to get things off my chest with out directly pointing the finger... or not as the case tonight may be! Let me know your points of view. Tomorrow when I've slept on it, had time to re-read it again, I may still think it's a good poem. HOWEVER... I may also think SHIT what the fuck have I done?! Life's like that some days isn't it? Well I'd better go to bed now, as I've been up since 5a.m this morning, but the good thing about tomorrow, I don't have to set my fucking ALARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Submissive Love

You tied me up in chains, and gagged me too muffle the pain.
I wriggled and shouted, kicked and cried, for when you left me, my love just died.
But I wanted more, to strike you back, to make you hurt, to get you back.
The time has oozed hate, for once you were my lover, but now....
I can't wait.. Wait to see you cry, for my..our love just died.
There have been times when I wanted to say no!
You smiled, stroked my hair, told me love just wasn't fair..
Touched my heart, fed me warmth, gave me love, held me tight.
I could sense that some thing just wasn't right.
Every day would pass, you... I... we...
Drifted apart.. my warmth for you.. my love for you..
it died.

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Randy Weather

The day was another run of hot lazy sunshine. I had the day off so I decided to go for a walk, but to get to the woods I had to travel quite a few miles, so I changed into a pair of cut of jeans, threw on a strapless top, no bra; my nipples-free, the fabric brushed them, causing them to stand to attention. Slipping into some old trainers and headed off for day. The radio blasted out some heavy rock, the sky was clear blue, no clouds anywhere. I pulled into the car park, dust rising up from the gravel as I skidded to a halt, like some kind of stunt driver. I was the only car. I closed the sunroof, grabbed my bottle of water and headed off toward the pond, located deep into the undergrowth. The scent of the blue bells was immense. I saw several grey squirrels scooting about the tree trunks, their tails flickering and then they had gone. Streams of sunlight pushed its way through the tree tops-dazzled the earthy ground. Wild garlic grabbed the senses, its sweet intoxicating scent. As I wondered deeper through the wood, I caught the distant sound of dogs barking.. the sound drowning into the distance. I wasn't the only one here after all! I wandered off the beaten track, a small insignificant stream wound itself through the undergrowth. The ground was dry and covered in pine needles. I was beginning to feel randy, his sunshine makes me feel randy, as though its inviting me to do some thing naughty out side-as though I need an excuse!As I walked a few more yards, I noticed an opening and the tallest redwood I'd ever laid eyes on. I couldn't see the top of it, as hard as I strained my neck, blinded by the sun, I could not reach the top. The birds were singing, my crotch was hot and sweaty. A trickle of sweat ran from under my breasts. The sensation of all too much for me to cope with. Standing beneath the giant tree trunk, I took a quick glance to see if I was alone. I pulled my top down to expose my ample breasts;the sun hot on my damp skin. Taking the left nipple in my fingers I pinched it until the pleasure was replaced with weird pain. Unbuttoning my top button of my shorts and quickly pulling the zip down;I seized the moment, sinking my right hand down to my hungry clit...'Mmmm' the scent of a woman. I didn't need to lick my fingers, I was moist and ready. A few slow rotating movements over the tip of my love bud, my legs began to buckle as the wave of orgasm flushed itself through me, leaning forward at the very last moment rubbing my naked nipple over the ruggedness of the tree bark, as I orgasm, I ejaculate a stream of hot liquid down my legs. The sensations are toxic, I almost collapse under the quivering pleasures. My sensations are spent, and my god it was SO worth it. I sit down, my legs bent and my clit twitching with the after math. I smile, sucking my soaked fingers, tasting my perfumed fingers. Suddenly I hear noises coming quick and fast toward me, I scramble to the under growth, yanking my shorts up, re-arranging my top. The sounds of people chatting. They pass and the sounds fade. I'm still wanting more, one orgasm isn't enough. The thrill of masturbating in the open is like your first time on a white knuckle ride. You want to but you're not sure how much it scares you and how much you know you'll love it;and want more! As I dress myself and stand up, the course seem of my shorts rub against my clit driving even better sensations through my body. Stumbling toward a tree, throwing my back towards it, biting my lip to muffle the sounds. Rubbing my breasts together pinching each nipple with passion. My limbs ache beyond compare. I can't take much more. I'm hot, spent and thirsty. Time for home. I head back for the car park, with a big smile on my face, my pussie still tingling...

We did it

Here is the evidence to prove that myself and a friend took part in the Race for Life race on Saturday 10th May. The day was very hot, very sunny, great fun and a day to remember. I am
so proud to have taken part. I have managed to raise £137.00 for cancer research. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who sponsored me. THANK YOU. As you can see from the photo, I was wearing a pink t-shirt and blue shorts. My number was 519. Yes folks... this is ME!!

Monday, 12 May 2008

Running for Life

Saturday May 10th. We've trained and trained to get this far. All our hard work done, now is the time to put it to the test. As we made our way to the main field, the sight of all these women, from very young through to older ones, wearing various outfits of fancy dress, was a picture. The local radio station blasts out music to jeer the crowds on. Ice cream vans scatter the edge of the field, queues of desperately hot and hungry crowds battle for the burger vans. Portable toilets for the last minute nerves.. of which there was alot. The atmosphere was amazing. So many people running or walking to raise much needed cash for cancer research, promising us that together we can find a cure! I hope one day soon we do find a cure for this horrible disease. We arrive in time for a warm up, and on the stage are four young men/lads with pom poms , wearing black t-shirts and shorts-shouting words to a song, I don't know if they realise just how funny they look but it is after all for a good cause.They made us laugh. We stand together in strength, our running numbers on the front of our t-shirts. The reason for our just cause on the back of our t-shirts, mine said in bold silver writing... 'For my best friend.. Anita.' Every one had some one close who'd either died of cancer or had the disease and recovered from it. I was running for my best friend that day and I'm pretty sure she was with me. I kissed her photo before I left the house and told her to look out for me, I had a strong feeling she was listening that day. The time was ticking on, and every one was getting ready to run. The elite athletes were at the front of the starting line. I wanted to join them, but I knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn't ready to sprint, not in this heat anyway. I forgot to wear my peak cap, my head taking the brunt of the sunshine. What a gorgeous day for a 'fun' run. I can't remember the last time I sweat so much! The crowds gathered at the start line and the crowd counted down from ten to 1 and start, the gun went off, and the race had begun. The atmosphere was electric. We started off slowly, the grass below was green and lush. The route had changed since I had done it in previous years, with a few added steep hills to get up, which we took in our stride. The scenery was breath taking, and the route strewn with clapping on lookers beckoning us to do well. We ran with all that we had to give. I had time to read some of the reasons for running, on the shirts of the athletes in front of me, one was for two people who had died of it, some body's relative and herself who had survived the illness and recovered enough to actually take part herself, which I thought was goal in itself... truly wonderful. I was by this time starting to get slightly emotional. The sweat was running of my face, the sting of salt seeping into my skin and the burn in my calf muscles as we staggered up the hill. As we neared the finish line, Marshall's with fluorescent waist coats shouted us on even more, praising us for doing so well. With the crowds clapping and shouting. the last descent down the grassy bank was ever closer to the finish line. When I could see the finish line in view I mustered up all my energy and made a final sprint. Stitch in my lungs and cramps in my thighs I gave it all I got. And even now as I type it up, I can feel tears welling in my eyes. It was a very HOT sunny day, not ideal weather for running, but I'd have done it if it was deep in snow! Nothing would've stopped me from taking part. I nearly collapsed as I ran over the finish, relieved to have done, extremely proud to have had the opportunity to take part and help raise much needed monies. My friend did extremely well to have kept up with me, as my legs are slightly longer! Every one who took part has my admiration.. From those that organised it to those who completed it.. A day to remember.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Almost here

Over the last few days I've upped my training for the race for life. On Sunday I ran four miles in the rain, with my friend who's running with me on Saturday. Yesterday I walked four and a half miles to a village, and decided to run back the same distance of four and a half miles. Today is a rest day, as I can feel my thigh and lower calf muscles tightening up. I need to take on board some carbs and continue to drink plenty of fluid. Saturday is just '3' days away. I can't believe how quickly it's come round. I hope the day is filled with fun and joy.. and the weather isn't too hot. I remember the 1996 Flora London Marathon,the hottest on record, heat is the last thing you need when running... anywhere! I was asked the other day that when I've run the race for life, shall I continue to do some running? My reply was 'yes!' I enjoy the space, can think of nothing better than getting hot and sweaty whilst dicing with the on coming traffic.. what fun!!!!!
My friend's looking forward to the day too, we should have fun, with no injuries;whilst raising much needed funds for a very good cause. I can't wait. And hopefully will have some photos of the event to put on my blog!!

Fracture or Fiction

Well the day has finally arrived. My appointment at the fracture clinic . I was kind of nervous, not wanting to be put in plaster for six weeks. Well the good news is nothing is fractured or broken, but badly sprained. I've had one week off work and now have to endure another two weeks off work. I'd much rather work for a living than sit at home wondering what the hell to do. But these things, ligaments and stuff take time to heal. I guess alot of you reading this would relish a couple of weeks of doing absolutely nothing? Well after being restricted in certain activities, life's not exactly a bunch of roses right now, and financially I can't afford to be off work. I can honestly say I've never had a day off sick in my life, and when presented with a sick note to give to my employer, I didn't know what to do with it. So my next two weeks will be filled with fun....NOT. So there you have it.... there's one good thing to come out of this... the weather has improved!! ..... For now!

Sunday, 4 May 2008

Wishful thinking

Today is the first time since I've actually taken my hand brace off to do house hold duties, which is what I'm not meant to be doing;but being as I have the patience of a saint, I knew the 'rest the hand' part of the conversation with the hospital would eventually go out of the window. I have convinced myself that my hand IS in actual fact just bruised and NOT broken! The day is getting ever closer to going back to the fracture clinic, I'm starting to panic slightly . I can be quite convincing at the best of times and I've fallen for this. It has to have mended. It doesn't hurt any more. I haven't taken any painkillers for a couple of days. Could I be right in thinking.... I've mended myself? A miracle has happened. I'm a 'healer' and didn't know it. Some one told me once that I had two life lines on my right hand, which had significant powers... yeah I thought but you never know. Tuesday will be the day when I shall find out if my theory is true. Watch this ...............................................................


Thursday, 1 May 2008


Today I phoned in work to say I was going to the doctors to get checked out regarding my swollen hand. OK the doctor did his usual examination by pressing on certain areas of the hand, and me in return pulling contorted faces responding to the fact that wherever he prodded, I HURT!! He then suggested I go to A&E to get it x-rayed, so off i toddled to the hospital! Several hours later and four x-rays done, they think I might have, but they're not sure, but I might actually have fractured a bone in my hand. I was yesterday in some considerable pain, the hand is now in a brace with Velcro straps to hold it steady and support my swollen, now multi coloured bruised hand in place. I have to admit I do feel pissed off with the fact that I may actually get 'plastered' and not in the liquid variety, next Tuesday when I return to the fracture clinic. For now the swelling's too much so they won't do the cast bit. I don't look forward to 6 weeks in plaster, more so, I don't want to be off work that long, but accidents do happen, I happened!
I'm taking anti inflammatory tablets and painkillers to make things bearable. The house work is out of the question, washing and taking care of me is hard enough! I'm trying to look on the bright side of things... I get bored very easily, so may read a book. At some stage of the game, I've to go for a run, Oh yes I have my race for life in nine days time! Everything appears to have gone wrong, and I'm feeling sorry for myself.

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

Accident waiting to happen

Just recently I appear to have become accident prone, an accident waiting to happen! Well today was that day. I'm in considerable discomfort, and with a swollen hand, my right to be exact; which is a real pain because I happen to be right handed! Oh shit!! I managed just to ride my motorbike home from work, but that in itself was a task. I had no other choice really. My hand is a mess, but not wanting to spend the entire evening in A&E, I'm leaving it until the morning, hoping that by the time I've rested it, the swelling will have lessened, hence the pain will have gone? Hmm.. who am I trying to kid here? I don't do hospitals if I can help it. So my movement is hindered. It was partly my own fault and if I tell you out there in blog land how I did it, then I'd have to kill you all!! Lol. So I'll tell you tomorrow night what the results are and have I actually 'broken' anything.

Monday, 28 April 2008


Yesterday was the ideal day for a long bike ride. I've been given a very nice expensive pair of black leather trousers, which fit in all the right places with no room for error. Mmmm.. the Meir scent of black leather drives me wild! I remember the first time I visited a leather shop. The excitement of hovering out side the door, waiting for the shop to be more or less empty, so that my entrance would be one of grander, a Queen entering the court yard, met with pure elegance, the finery of leather garments fit only for a Queen. On opening the door, the heat of the shop mixed with the intoxication of the 'dead skins'.. was almost over whelming. I walked around inspecting the coats, trousers, jackets, the list of colours was endless, but my favourite colour has to be black. Black has 100% Dominance with out a doubt. But if I had to chose again I'd have to chose red. Red leather has vibrancy, romance and power. I flicked through the rail to find a pair of trousers in my size and the next size up from that just in case they were so tight I'd have to struggle and 'OH' how I love to struggle!!
Walking into the cubicle, just big enough to swing a cat in; I pulled the curtain across behind me. Standing in front of the minuscule mirror hanging on the cubicle wall, I lingered. Inhaling the heady scent of the warm leather, black leather. Checking for Ariel cameras above my head. Pulling the zip down, savoring every inch, starting to feel hot and Oh so bothered! I pull my jeans down, stepping out of them, hurrying to get the BLT's on. Stepping into the legs, bending over, trying my best in this small cubicle not to lose my balance. Easing them up and over my ass.. feeling wicked on the out side and randy on the inside. I didn't pull them all the way up, I stopped just above the thigh, pausing for a moment, taking one final check for security cameras. Standing close tho the mirror keeping away from the curtain, I eased my right hand down to my now damp pussie. I felt almost drunk. A mix of scent of leather and the sweet musky smell of my
sex which twitched when I rubbed my index finger over my clit. I was in heaven! Slowly I rubbed my clit from side to side, biting my lower lip to silence my moans. Quicker the hand became. The sensations surging through my body were becoming uncontrollable. Doing my best not to bring attention to myself... I rubbed faster until my legs shook so vigorously I came in a crescendo of orgasm. I bit down on my lower lip so hard I drew blood. My orgasm fading, my legs trembling and my knickers now very wet! I collected my belongings and made my way to the till to pay for my black leather trousers. The young man behind the counter smiled with a glint in his eye, almost as though he knew some thing. As I walked out of the shop, some thing caught my eye, a camera just above the doorway. I laughed to myself as I left the shop.

Friday, 25 April 2008

Suicide is painless

Feelings fermenting out of control,

repetitions over again.

My mind is in turmoil,

I've lost the will to live.

Sifting through fragments of flesh,

taring limb from limb.

Searing pain, agonising and cold,

sticky and sweet, rich pickings.

I'm not listening, I'm not making sense

my mind is in shut down.

fermentation: a mind out of control.

I've lost my footing, am slowly sliding in.

Don't pull me out, don't cry I did not die.

I'm in limbo, dangling on the edge.

Upwards is hard, downwards is easy way out.

I will not scream, I will not shout.

The first cut is the deepest,

the second flows with ease,

my hand is steady

my mind is clear...

I will not look, I hold no fear.

The clock is ticking, I have to go.

Don't cry or talk of love,

from that I came to this still morn..

lifeless, finished, empty and torn.

Love is full of demons.. each one

biting at my flesh, do not resist.

Giving, is for idiots, hypnotised and drugged.

Give your all, get nothing in return.

My eyes are full of tears,

I cannot focus, my vision's blurred.

I've given up competing, trying to please..

given up loving, no more the tease.

No more the fool, my heart is broken

shattered and torn, I'm done.

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

True Colours

I'm trying to be a better person.

I'm trying oh so fucking hard!

I start off will all good intentions,

but then it goes awefully wrong.

I'm trying to be nice, huh!

I want to be horrid, think it may have

some thing to do with A.W.O.L

You see my hormones have left me, it's

also very fucking hard

like trying to fry onions in half

a tonne af LARD!!

I think I've lost the plot, I'm starting to cry

for gods fucking sake, ... I tried!

Some days I start off 'HAPPY'..

but get half way through the day

I'm starting to tare my hair out, what can I say?

I also lose my temper, that's not a pretty sight..

I'm crying now, and I have no reason why?

If any one can help me, please throw me a line..

I think I'm going crazy.................

Can any one tell me WHY?

Friday, 18 April 2008

Race for life..

It won't be long before I'm out in the field slogging my hard earned guts out for charity. I have to be honest with you, I can't wait! What with the weather just recently, I've found running in these highly strong winds almost impossible.. but I've done it non the less. Over the weeks I've gained a few extra pounds, which I or anyone else can't see, but the scales don't lie. My appetite has doubled, my energy levels are up, even though I start work on a Friday at 6a.m and finish about 5p.m,I still find time to go for a run, as I have today. I'm still bursting with energy! Yeah... strange but true. If any one visiting my blog would like to sponsor me, then they can go directly to the site and donate on line at 'cancer research UK'.. it's a worth while cause, one of which I hold close to my heart, having had several relatives and friends die of the disease. And I thank you for reading this chapter in my life. The date of my run is May 10th . Weather permitting, it will be an eventful day. . I look forward to it, it's what I've trained for...

Sunday, 13 April 2008

Baited Breath..

Tomorrow I shall be going some where to spend quite a substantial amount of money. The person who I will be seeing, shall be wearing clinical wear, surgical gloves and hope fully a steady hand! I can not tell you any more than what I already know, but I will have some thing to show you in a few days time, no it will not be another tattoo, no I'm not having dental treatment, nor a smear test, wrong end! I'm kind of excited, but I know when push comes to shove I'll be shaking. So watch this space people... keep watching! It'll be some thing to show off on the beach!!

It's only just begun..

In 1996 I ran my first London Marathon. Some thing I'd always wanted to achieve. I trained for six months, went through numerous packets of plasters, new running shoes, injury after injury. At this moment in time I'm watching the 28th London Marathon, I'm with them in spirit every step of the way. I know what it's like to stand on the starting line, the taste of your breakfast still fresh in the pit of your stomach, heart burn, nerves and excitement attacking you from every angle. The year I ran it was the hottest on record; running out of bottled water at just seven miles. I lost several toe nails with the constant pounding of my feet hitting the road, rubbing against the inside of my Nike trainers. If you think you've ever suffered cramp then you've never run 26 miles 385 yards before, that's real cramp for you.But the race itself is a test of endurance, emotional, trauma. The hard work doesn't start just there, the real hard work starts with the sponsoring, then the collecting of the funds. Each person doing their best to raise much needed cash for well worth charities. My total amount was around £1,200 for Asthma research. So I've been there done that they even gave me a T-shirt for it; but it's the pride of taking part. I won't be doing it again, but you never know what's around the corner?
My toe nail has survived, slightly tender but with out infection.. nothing to compare with really, nothing like what the 28,000 competitors will be suffering after their courageous efforts today and the pride of holding close their 'medals' that they will receive later in the day. I wore my medal for a whole month I was so proud of my commitment and courage for my run. But it doesn't stop me getting emotional every year when I sit in front of the television to witness yet another Flora London Marathon, been ther done that!

Saturday, 12 April 2008


With special care and attention and with a steady hand, I crack the ice bag which causes an interaction. With a couple of quick shakes, eventually the ammonium nitrate reacts with the water creating instant ice. Holding it against the effected area. Finally my big toe is numb. With the over light straining to keep view easy and with a scalpel, my hand trembling, my mouth dry. I check one final time to see if its totally dead... it is. I'm not one for DIY surgery, but I thought when I started this it would be an easy procedure...One, two, three here I go!
It's just occurred to me that while my toe, minus the nail down one side,is frozen then it'll be a piece of cake, but WHAT do I do when the bloody thing thaws out?
I have dressed it in a light bandage and await morning when hopefully my once in grown toe nail will be OK. One down one to go... Yes, not only did I have one bad toe but after careful inspection this morning, I now know I have two bad toe nails!!
Double trouble. Not sure I've done the right thing but there's no turning back now!!

Friday, 11 April 2008

Injury time.

Well I haven't been running for a couple of days due to a very painful ingrowing toe nail. I do intent to sort it out this weekend one way or another. My running shoes are big enough, broad enough and don't rub anywhere, so I can only think I have some kind of abnormality in the actual growth of my nail! However, as I know my fitness is better than it used to be, a few days res bite won't hurt. It hasn't exactly been running weather of late anyway, April showers?? Unless any body has any clues as to how to attack this problem? I will resort to freezing the offending area with an ice-cube and attempt to dig it out! Come rain or sleet or snow, some time this week end I will be out treading the tar mac AGAIN!!

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

' Oscar '

I checked my watch, 6.47pm. I was early. I drove into a lay by just around the corner. Desperate for the toilet, I pulled the hand break on, checked for traffic, slid quickly from the car.. pulling my jeans down, my thong to one side. The jet of hot urine hit the tarmac with such force it splashed my trouser leg. I panicked, trying to wipe it on the grass. The dark winter night stung my lungs as the frost settled on the ground. All was still. I could hear my heart beating in my ears, deafening me, not wanting to arrive early, not wanting to be late. I pulled the car to a stop, the time just chumming 6.59pm; My heart missed a beat as I locked the door. Rushing up the drive I made that one final check, 7pm, I pressed the door bell, and waited. Taking one very deep breathe, the door opened and I walked in.
Standing in the hall way, I stripped and awaited my instructions. I was to strip off leave my clothes in a neat pile under the hall way seat and make my way into the lounge. I was not alone, sitting beside the fire place was a small fat man wearing nothing but nipple clamps, he didn't utter a word.. kneeling down on his hind legs with his hands resting on the fronts of his thighs. He pointed to me, not a word was spoken, he showed me what to do by pointing; after a few minutes in this awkward state, my legs started to go numb. We sat along side each other like books ends, still, saying nothing. The fire roared in front of us, I was just starting to get warm. The door opened and our heads bowed to the floor as our Mistress walked into the room, I did not see what she was wearing, but got a brief whiff of her perfume Oscar de La Rente, pure intoxication, hypnotic. Not a sound was made. She bent down to me, pulling my hair with a rough tug and placing a leather collar to my neck. The scent of black leather awakened my senses. The other slave had the same done to him. At which point she attached a dog lead to the collars and one by one paraded us around the carpet like dogs from crufts. Up stairs on all fours trying to keep up. The harshness of the carpet burning on my knees. One lap around the house and back to where I began. Patted on the head for being good doggies!! After the initial shock of becoming a dog for the evening and entertaining my Mistress in this manner, I calmed down and took to my new part with pride.The meal was of chilli con carne. "You shall eat at my feet while I shall sit at the table...a dogs place is on the floor." I was kneeling one side of her legs, the man, the other side.We had our hands tied behind our backs, only left to use our mouths, like dogs eat. I was the first one finish, doing my best to lick the remnants form around my face, so as not to be punished for making a mess. I was praised for leaving my bowl empty for which I received a pat on the head.." Good dog." I was pleased with my first attempt at trying to gain 'brownie' points against the other 'dog' not wanting to be the under dog so to speak. The evening was going with a swing, I'd been fed, walked but now I was desperate for the toilet, not daring to ask and holding my self between my legs, worried I'd be made to cock my leg in the cold winter night or some thing terrible like that. The pots were tidied away. As we sat from where we first began, the fire crackled and spat, but I was a content. My Mistress stood up and disappeared out of the room and upstairs. I took this swift opportunity to make a dash for the toilet hoping I wouldn't meet her on the way out or back in. I made it just in time as she re-entered the room, the lights went dim, the music started playing and we began.