Wednesday, 19 September 2007


Pain comes in different stages from self inflicted to grief. I feel I have to write about this because my best friend died of cancer due to smoking for years and years. I'm trying to deal with the fact that I'll never see her smiling face again, and believe me it's very difficult to come to terms with. She was so full of energy and enthusiasm for life, she was an amazing woman, but the nicotine killed her, I have to admit I've given up the dreaded weed, not wanting to be the next victim of the killer disease. So how do people cope with losing a relative or friend, the pain must be so awful, unmentionable and unless it happens to YOU we have no idea of what the human mind can cope with. But do we actually cope or do we go into auto drive? Today I went for a mammogram, painful experience I have to admit but necessary just to be able to put my mind at rest. This tough exterior that I so often show as me, isn't real, I have to admit I was scared, just a very small amount of me but none the less I was scared! But I was one of the lucky ones, imagine being told you've got a lump and it's cancer!! Shit happens every day, my shit happened last Saturday when my friend passed away, I'm dealing with it in my own way, ample amounts of alcohol, maybe not the answer but this is the only way I can cope!

Saturday, 1 September 2007

Doing time

As I walk toward the jail, my nerves getting the better of me, I hear the sound of keys rattling. As the large heavy door opens, I'm beckoned in by a stoutly blond female, in full uniform. .."stand here and empty your pockets, place all your belongings in this box then move to the side and wait." I try to smile at her but she shows no emotion. " You " and points at me.." come over here, put your arms out at your side, stand like a scare crow. " Her hands are strong, her face cold and dead.. she's tickling my arm pits and I let out a giggle, not in the slightest bit amused the guard turns me around, I lose my balance and stagger to one side," stand still can't you," I feel myself blush with embarrassment, "sorry" I whisper. My belongings are through the x ray machine but there seems to be some confusion as to what's in my handbag. I'm hurried into a side room and ordered to strip down to my bra and knickers.. and it's cold, so what happens.. my nipples become erect, poking through the flimsy fabric of my bra, I blush even more so now than before.
The door shuts too with a loud echoing bang. I'm left standing for what seems ages, my flesh quivering and covered in goose bumps, my palms begin to sweat. Looking around the small dull room I notice a camera in the corner.. oh my god I'm being watched, I do my best to hide my embarrassment with my arms! Then the door flings open and a different women enters the room, she's in her early forties, tall, about ten stone nicely rounded with a warm look on her face. She orders me to turn around and bend over as far as I can. . so I do as she orders. My ass protruding out and my breasts almost escaping my bra. " Now what do we have here then ?" the women in a quiet voice , not daring to speak, she runs her hand from my head down to the base of my spine, tugging at the elastic of my knickers then letting go, the snap as it hits my flesh. "Well we'll have to see what else you're hiding won't we?" I feel a hand on my shoulder, " move over to the wall, spread your feet and arms against the wall." This I do and do quickly; My mind's gone blank, my mouth's dry with fear. I can hear a noise behind me that resembles gloves being put on, the scent of rubber. She begins to unhook my bra, the fabric falling over my erect nipples, I shudder.. a hand comes around the front and brush them .. " Mmmm .. excited are we ?" I mutter nothings under my breath and for my efforts receive a sharp smack on my left buttock, I jump, losing my balance and fall to the ground, hitting my head on the way down. " Oh dear ... hurt are we ?" "No" I reply in a loud voice. "Well if you're hurt then you'd better lie down. " As I stand up to face my tormentor I notice a small wooden table in the opposite corner of the room.. I certainly don't recall seeing that when I came in! " Get on this table but on all fours keeping your head down." Once again she starts to trace the outline of my body now with a gloved hand. The sensual touch of surgical rubber on soft silky skin certainly awakens the senses. The touch of her hand, the accuracy of her fingers, she knows just where to go and I'm giving her the answers she's wanting. I start to relax, to enjoy my strip search. She tugs at my panties and with grace they fall to my knees. The coolness of the air whistles through to my warm bud of love. I feel my juices start to drizzle, that aching wantonness, I want to touch myself, but she gets there first. I arch my back moving to the rhythm. Slowly at first, she glides her fingers just to the entrance of my throbbing pussie just teasing me. Another few strokes and I'm sure to come. I want to squeeze my pink buds to heighten the excitement but I can't move my hands for fear of falling over again .. " Mmmm " I mutter under my breath. Am rocking back and forward willing her to go faster. Suddenly the door opens and another guard comes in, to my amazement she orders the first guard out and immediately takes over, her touch a lot more brisk. Her hands feel bigger but softer. As i look up to the ceiling I notice the camera looking directly at me, I feel myself blush, but not with embarrassment but with excitement, the thought of being watched, I start to smile to myself, at the camera watching me! Faster now the rhythm, with one finger nudging my ass hole and another thrusting deep into my hot wet hole I can feel myself about to orgasm, biting my lip, buds of perspiration trickling down my forehead ..." Oh my god-d-d-d-d- " rocking violently, the table quaking under the pressure , the squirt of hot cum dripping down the inside of my thigh. A smart slap on both buttocks and a towel thrown at me... " clean yourself up. " As I collect my clothes, dress, I'm given my hand bag and shown the door, " enjoy your visit " ... I'm looking forward to my next visit already!...