Tuesday, 29 April 2008

Accident waiting to happen

Just recently I appear to have become accident prone, an accident waiting to happen! Well today was that day. I'm in considerable discomfort, and with a swollen hand, my right to be exact; which is a real pain because I happen to be right handed! Oh shit!! I managed just to ride my motorbike home from work, but that in itself was a task. I had no other choice really. My hand is a mess, but not wanting to spend the entire evening in A&E, I'm leaving it until the morning, hoping that by the time I've rested it, the swelling will have lessened, hence the pain will have gone? Hmm.. who am I trying to kid here? I don't do hospitals if I can help it. So my movement is hindered. It was partly my own fault and if I tell you out there in blog land how I did it, then I'd have to kill you all!! Lol. So I'll tell you tomorrow night what the results are and have I actually 'broken' anything.

Monday, 28 April 2008


Yesterday was the ideal day for a long bike ride. I've been given a very nice expensive pair of black leather trousers, which fit in all the right places with no room for error. Mmmm.. the Meir scent of black leather drives me wild! I remember the first time I visited a leather shop. The excitement of hovering out side the door, waiting for the shop to be more or less empty, so that my entrance would be one of grander, a Queen entering the court yard, met with pure elegance, the finery of leather garments fit only for a Queen. On opening the door, the heat of the shop mixed with the intoxication of the 'dead skins'.. was almost over whelming. I walked around inspecting the coats, trousers, jackets, the list of colours was endless, but my favourite colour has to be black. Black has 100% Dominance with out a doubt. But if I had to chose again I'd have to chose red. Red leather has vibrancy, romance and power. I flicked through the rail to find a pair of trousers in my size and the next size up from that just in case they were so tight I'd have to struggle and 'OH' how I love to struggle!!
Walking into the cubicle, just big enough to swing a cat in; I pulled the curtain across behind me. Standing in front of the minuscule mirror hanging on the cubicle wall, I lingered. Inhaling the heady scent of the warm leather, black leather. Checking for Ariel cameras above my head. Pulling the zip down, savoring every inch, starting to feel hot and Oh so bothered! I pull my jeans down, stepping out of them, hurrying to get the BLT's on. Stepping into the legs, bending over, trying my best in this small cubicle not to lose my balance. Easing them up and over my ass.. feeling wicked on the out side and randy on the inside. I didn't pull them all the way up, I stopped just above the thigh, pausing for a moment, taking one final check for security cameras. Standing close tho the mirror keeping away from the curtain, I eased my right hand down to my now damp pussie. I felt almost drunk. A mix of scent of leather and the sweet musky smell of my
sex which twitched when I rubbed my index finger over my clit. I was in heaven! Slowly I rubbed my clit from side to side, biting my lower lip to silence my moans. Quicker the hand became. The sensations surging through my body were becoming uncontrollable. Doing my best not to bring attention to myself... I rubbed faster until my legs shook so vigorously I came in a crescendo of orgasm. I bit down on my lower lip so hard I drew blood. My orgasm fading, my legs trembling and my knickers now very wet! I collected my belongings and made my way to the till to pay for my black leather trousers. The young man behind the counter smiled with a glint in his eye, almost as though he knew some thing. As I walked out of the shop, some thing caught my eye, a camera just above the doorway. I laughed to myself as I left the shop.

Friday, 25 April 2008

Suicide is painless

Feelings fermenting out of control,

repetitions over again.

My mind is in turmoil,

I've lost the will to live.

Sifting through fragments of flesh,

taring limb from limb.

Searing pain, agonising and cold,

sticky and sweet, rich pickings.

I'm not listening, I'm not making sense

my mind is in shut down.

fermentation: a mind out of control.

I've lost my footing, am slowly sliding in.

Don't pull me out, don't cry I did not die.

I'm in limbo, dangling on the edge.

Upwards is hard, downwards is easy way out.

I will not scream, I will not shout.

The first cut is the deepest,

the second flows with ease,

my hand is steady

my mind is clear...

I will not look, I hold no fear.

The clock is ticking, I have to go.

Don't cry or talk of love,

from that I came to this still morn..

lifeless, finished, empty and torn.

Love is full of demons.. each one

biting at my flesh, do not resist.

Giving, is for idiots, hypnotised and drugged.

Give your all, get nothing in return.

My eyes are full of tears,

I cannot focus, my vision's blurred.

I've given up competing, trying to please..

given up loving, no more the tease.

No more the fool, my heart is broken

shattered and torn, I'm done.

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

True Colours

I'm trying to be a better person.

I'm trying oh so fucking hard!

I start off will all good intentions,

but then it goes awefully wrong.

I'm trying to be nice, huh!

I want to be horrid, think it may have

some thing to do with A.W.O.L

You see my hormones have left me, it's

also very fucking hard

like trying to fry onions in half

a tonne af LARD!!

I think I've lost the plot, I'm starting to cry

for gods fucking sake, ... I tried!

Some days I start off 'HAPPY'..

but get half way through the day

I'm starting to tare my hair out, what can I say?

I also lose my temper, that's not a pretty sight..

I'm crying now, and I have no reason why?

If any one can help me, please throw me a line..

I think I'm going crazy.................

Can any one tell me WHY?

Friday, 18 April 2008

Race for life..

It won't be long before I'm out in the field slogging my hard earned guts out for charity. I have to be honest with you, I can't wait! What with the weather just recently, I've found running in these highly strong winds almost impossible.. but I've done it non the less. Over the weeks I've gained a few extra pounds, which I or anyone else can't see, but the scales don't lie. My appetite has doubled, my energy levels are up, even though I start work on a Friday at 6a.m and finish about 5p.m,I still find time to go for a run, as I have today. I'm still bursting with energy! Yeah... strange but true. If any one visiting my blog would like to sponsor me, then they can go directly to the site and donate on line at 'cancer research UK'.. it's a worth while cause, one of which I hold close to my heart, having had several relatives and friends die of the disease. And I thank you for reading this chapter in my life. The date of my run is May 10th . Weather permitting, it will be an eventful day. . I look forward to it, it's what I've trained for...

Sunday, 13 April 2008

Baited Breath..

Tomorrow I shall be going some where to spend quite a substantial amount of money. The person who I will be seeing, shall be wearing clinical wear, surgical gloves and hope fully a steady hand! I can not tell you any more than what I already know, but I will have some thing to show you in a few days time, no it will not be another tattoo, no I'm not having dental treatment, nor a smear test, wrong end! I'm kind of excited, but I know when push comes to shove I'll be shaking. So watch this space people... keep watching! It'll be some thing to show off on the beach!!

It's only just begun..

In 1996 I ran my first London Marathon. Some thing I'd always wanted to achieve. I trained for six months, went through numerous packets of plasters, new running shoes, injury after injury. At this moment in time I'm watching the 28th London Marathon, I'm with them in spirit every step of the way. I know what it's like to stand on the starting line, the taste of your breakfast still fresh in the pit of your stomach, heart burn, nerves and excitement attacking you from every angle. The year I ran it was the hottest on record; running out of bottled water at just seven miles. I lost several toe nails with the constant pounding of my feet hitting the road, rubbing against the inside of my Nike trainers. If you think you've ever suffered cramp then you've never run 26 miles 385 yards before, that's real cramp for you.But the race itself is a test of endurance, emotional, trauma. The hard work doesn't start just there, the real hard work starts with the sponsoring, then the collecting of the funds. Each person doing their best to raise much needed cash for well worth charities. My total amount was around £1,200 for Asthma research. So I've been there done that they even gave me a T-shirt for it; but it's the pride of taking part. I won't be doing it again, but you never know what's around the corner?
My toe nail has survived, slightly tender but with out infection.. nothing to compare with really, nothing like what the 28,000 competitors will be suffering after their courageous efforts today and the pride of holding close their 'medals' that they will receive later in the day. I wore my medal for a whole month I was so proud of my commitment and courage for my run. But it doesn't stop me getting emotional every year when I sit in front of the television to witness yet another Flora London Marathon, been ther done that!

Saturday, 12 April 2008


With special care and attention and with a steady hand, I crack the ice bag which causes an interaction. With a couple of quick shakes, eventually the ammonium nitrate reacts with the water creating instant ice. Holding it against the effected area. Finally my big toe is numb. With the over light straining to keep view easy and with a scalpel, my hand trembling, my mouth dry. I check one final time to see if its totally dead... it is. I'm not one for DIY surgery, but I thought when I started this it would be an easy procedure...One, two, three here I go!
It's just occurred to me that while my toe, minus the nail down one side,is frozen then it'll be a piece of cake, but WHAT do I do when the bloody thing thaws out?
I have dressed it in a light bandage and await morning when hopefully my once in grown toe nail will be OK. One down one to go... Yes, not only did I have one bad toe but after careful inspection this morning, I now know I have two bad toe nails!!
Double trouble. Not sure I've done the right thing but there's no turning back now!!

Friday, 11 April 2008

Injury time.

Well I haven't been running for a couple of days due to a very painful ingrowing toe nail. I do intent to sort it out this weekend one way or another. My running shoes are big enough, broad enough and don't rub anywhere, so I can only think I have some kind of abnormality in the actual growth of my nail! However, as I know my fitness is better than it used to be, a few days res bite won't hurt. It hasn't exactly been running weather of late anyway, April showers?? Unless any body has any clues as to how to attack this problem? I will resort to freezing the offending area with an ice-cube and attempt to dig it out! Come rain or sleet or snow, some time this week end I will be out treading the tar mac AGAIN!!

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

' Oscar '

I checked my watch, 6.47pm. I was early. I drove into a lay by just around the corner. Desperate for the toilet, I pulled the hand break on, checked for traffic, slid quickly from the car.. pulling my jeans down, my thong to one side. The jet of hot urine hit the tarmac with such force it splashed my trouser leg. I panicked, trying to wipe it on the grass. The dark winter night stung my lungs as the frost settled on the ground. All was still. I could hear my heart beating in my ears, deafening me, not wanting to arrive early, not wanting to be late. I pulled the car to a stop, the time just chumming 6.59pm; My heart missed a beat as I locked the door. Rushing up the drive I made that one final check, 7pm, I pressed the door bell, and waited. Taking one very deep breathe, the door opened and I walked in.
Standing in the hall way, I stripped and awaited my instructions. I was to strip off leave my clothes in a neat pile under the hall way seat and make my way into the lounge. I was not alone, sitting beside the fire place was a small fat man wearing nothing but nipple clamps, he didn't utter a word.. kneeling down on his hind legs with his hands resting on the fronts of his thighs. He pointed to me, not a word was spoken, he showed me what to do by pointing; after a few minutes in this awkward state, my legs started to go numb. We sat along side each other like books ends, still, saying nothing. The fire roared in front of us, I was just starting to get warm. The door opened and our heads bowed to the floor as our Mistress walked into the room, I did not see what she was wearing, but got a brief whiff of her perfume Oscar de La Rente, pure intoxication, hypnotic. Not a sound was made. She bent down to me, pulling my hair with a rough tug and placing a leather collar to my neck. The scent of black leather awakened my senses. The other slave had the same done to him. At which point she attached a dog lead to the collars and one by one paraded us around the carpet like dogs from crufts. Up stairs on all fours trying to keep up. The harshness of the carpet burning on my knees. One lap around the house and back to where I began. Patted on the head for being good doggies!! After the initial shock of becoming a dog for the evening and entertaining my Mistress in this manner, I calmed down and took to my new part with pride.The meal was of chilli con carne. "You shall eat at my feet while I shall sit at the table...a dogs place is on the floor." I was kneeling one side of her legs, the man, the other side.We had our hands tied behind our backs, only left to use our mouths, like dogs eat. I was the first one finish, doing my best to lick the remnants form around my face, so as not to be punished for making a mess. I was praised for leaving my bowl empty for which I received a pat on the head.." Good dog." I was pleased with my first attempt at trying to gain 'brownie' points against the other 'dog' not wanting to be the under dog so to speak. The evening was going with a swing, I'd been fed, walked but now I was desperate for the toilet, not daring to ask and holding my self between my legs, worried I'd be made to cock my leg in the cold winter night or some thing terrible like that. The pots were tidied away. As we sat from where we first began, the fire crackled and spat, but I was a content. My Mistress stood up and disappeared out of the room and upstairs. I took this swift opportunity to make a dash for the toilet hoping I wouldn't meet her on the way out or back in. I made it just in time as she re-entered the room, the lights went dim, the music started playing and we began.

Monday, 7 April 2008

Pain barrier

I'm thinking about having my nipple pierced! Now I know many of you might at this point be feeling rather squeamish, grabbing you tits and shouting at the screen 'Noooooooo...!' but I'm quite set on the fact that I'd love to have a large needle shoved through my pink bud of skin whilst gritting my teeth and trying to think of some thing nice!!! For many of you women out there who've experienced child birth, this is just a drop in the ocean..I've had tattoos in several places, surely having my tit done will be the icing on the cake!.It can't be that bad can it? So come on ladies.. let me know what you think. Should I go for it or not? The decision lies in your hands...Yay? or Nay? Let the voting begin...

Sunday, 6 April 2008

Language of two Bodies

Last night I had the opportunity to try my hand at Tango AND Salsa dancing... all I can say is " WOW. .!!" I also thought being as how I'd considered myself to be fairly fit what with all the running I'm doing it would be quite easy. How wrong was I? I have to admit though they are both 'Sexy 'dances. My legs and feet are aching today and I only scratched the surface, but I'm pretty sure I'd like to dance some more. I went with a girl friend, so I was the male for the evening. The teacher who was a young coloured man and his partner a young woman, they gave us a view of what the dance entails.. they moved almost as though they were joined at the hip.. almost like liquid gold, smooth and silky. You have to guide your partner , assuming your partner's the woman where you want to go, it's all to do with body language.. to be so close, for the audience to be the voyeur, apparently because of its appearance, up close and oh so personnel, the Pope band it. All I can say is the Pope needs to get a life!
After learning the basis steps of the tango, the music was applied and as you can imagine... 'yeah..' we went wrong. The intensity is immense, but the professionals make it look so easy. Years of practice to get to this standard and the standard was high. Toe tapping stuff, I found myself twitching whilst watching the show; the spot light above these angels flying around the floor, stopping, taking a side step looking into each others eyes then off again. I can actually describe it as hypnotic, and ' Soooo... Sexy..' Awesome!
THEN..... came the Salsa. A total new ball game. If the Tango missed out on the passion, of which I very much doubt then the Salsa equaled it. The DJ turned the music up and with another excellent performance came the Midlands qualifiers. Dressed to kill, make-up to perfection, almost acrobats, light and agile. Three men with three women, and I was mesmerised by the whole dance sequence, fantastic dancers, who danced with every inch of passion and commitment. I will have another go at these dances. Doubt I'll ever match this quality though..
but I can see now why people rave about it.....both dances!

Saturday, 5 April 2008

Ever closer

The weather has been kind, although the wind can be rather intensive. My training is coming along nicely. I am developing calf muscles like walls of rock; my breathing has settled down too. I can't ever go back to the disgusting habit of smoking, I won't go there. Why do people do it, it's horrible and evidence proves, it eventually KILLS you! I checked the calender yesterday, my race day is getting ever closer. I'm actually rather looking forward to it. My appetite has doubled but so far my weight has not...phew! I am starting to suffer slightly with hard skin, but as I learnt over the years of marathon running, this can be solved quite easily with a regular application of Vaseline petroleum jelly, 'Mmmmm' can think of other ways of using it!!!!! Any how this softens the offending area from becoming blistered, when applied on a regular basis. I have graduated from not just one mile but three.... still got a long way to go yet though. My sponsor money's doing nicely.. about £120. I often think about my best friend and what she'd say if she knew what I was doing... I can see her face now even as I sit here typing away. I used to cry but now I hold my head up high and smile at her. I don't think I'm losing my mind as I often hold a conversation with her... it keeps me sane! Today is my rest day, but itching to get out there tomorrow and run some more. Vaseline Petroleum Jelly at the ready!

Wednesday, 2 April 2008


Hate me...

Loath me...

Bite me...

Cut me...

Hit me...

Scratch me...

bleed me...

Knife me...

Excite me...

Thump me...

Bruise me...

Fist me...

Abuse me...

Break me...

Degrade me...

Hate me...

Accept me?

Just Love Me

Caress me...

Praise me...

Pamper me...

Humour me...

Cuddle me...

Hug me...

Kiss me...

Phone me...

Smooch me...

Charm me...

Embrace me...

Tease me...

LOVE me!

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

Pleasure bound

My instructions for the evening were to arrive no later than 7pm. My nerves were in tatters, I couldn't eat my dinner, the thought of what was to happen, and woe be tide me if I was late.
The traffic was lousy, I was watching the clock every step of the way. This was my first visit so I had absolutely no idea what I was letting myself into. My stomach muscles ached. As I drove up the gravel drive, the tyres crunching on the stones. I pulled to a stop. The house appeared to be in total darkness, my nerves now in total tatters. My groin throbbed, as I opened the car door, turned to pull myself out of the car, swung my legs around, the tight fabric of my jeans caught the tender flesh of my clit sending wondrous sensations rippling through my body; i bit down on my lip, inhaled sharply. The time was getting ever closer. My hand shook as I pressed the door bell, my mouth was dry. I waited. It seemed like an eternity before some one came to open the front door. A man dressed in what appeared to be a maids outfit, answered the door. " come in and stand there." pointing to a chair just a few feet inside the entrance. He disappeared into a room. I was left standing there, not knowing what t do next. My eyes surveyed the intricate wood work of the furniture surrounding me. The door from where this 'maid' had gone, returned
looking rather flushed, red in the face. He hurried towards me. " Go through that door, she's waiting for you." I pushed the door open and walked nervously into the semi darkened room. My eyes adjusting to the dimly lit room. I kept my eyes low, watching my every step, my nerves getting the better of me. "You come here to serve me? " " Why are you still dressed?"
I stuttered, not knowing what to say, feeling terribly guilty of my crime, I lowered my head further to the floor. " Go out , undress then come back in and kneel before your Mistress."
"Yes?" ..." Yes what? " she scowled at me... standing there before this woman who was from what I could see, was dressed in a black basque, high heeled thigh length boots; and she wasn't smiling!
I hurried out from whence I came, unbuttoning my jeans as I walked quickly toward the door.
I couldn't get undressed fast enough. My hands were trembling so much it made my task almost impossible. Stark naked I hurried back into the room. My nipples standing to attention, a certain excited dampness between my legs. My mouth was dry, my palms, sweaty.
I was ordered to sit down in front of her, to lick her thigh length boots from the heel to the top, whilst keeping my hands behind my back. I'd never done this kind of thing before, but I soon got the hang of it. My nerves had settled down, my sex twitching for attention, my nipples hungry for a hot mouth. When I'd licked one boot I was given the same order for the other one. My tongue became permanently fixed to the smooth sensuous black leather, its intoxicating scent hypnotising me. My head, full of images of lust and desire. After what seemed for ever, my Mistress got up to admire her new found slave...ME! I was to do every thing I was ordered with out any protests, otherwise I would be punished! My mind went blank, my eyes started to fill with tears. I was led from the lounge out into the cold hall way and into the dining room; where upon I was to lie face down on this rather long cold wooden table. My skin shuddered with every naked inch that came into contact with it. My body was covered in goose bumps, I'd started to shake again. A blind fold was forced over my eyes, so plunged into darkness. My hearing became my every sense. I could feel the touch of what I could only describe as rope, slither across my ankles. Noises of feet against stone floors echoed in the next room. A hint of music fluttered through the air; Low tempo with an electric violin's ghostly haunt. I tried to relax but I was so cold and some what frightened, but not frightened.. excited and ready for some heat. That is exactly what I got. The smell of a lit match, the sound of it being struck, the crackling of the fire melting the wax candle.... the scent of vanilla. Then as the music changed, so did the tempo of ... " ouch "... the riding crop;it stung as it bit into my arse cheeks, I flinched, biting down on my mouth. Pulling on the rope, protesting. My screams were soon drowned out by a gag and ball pushed into my mouth.. some medieval contraption. Forcing my head up into an uncomfortable position, slobber dribbling from the corners of my mouth. "Struggle and you will receive ten more strokes, stay still and I will soon be finished. " My new found Mistress playing her part to the full... showing no mercy. Flesh with raised welts covering my arse, the warmth replaced by heat. Her hand stroking the end result of her handy work. Soon I was to be released from my restraints, led back into the lounge, where upon a log fire had been lit. The carpet felt like sandpaper on my bum, my legs ached, my ankles scared with the marks from the rope. My Mistress bent down and kissed me on my lips, pinching my right nipple, then stroking my face. The blind fold was removed and for the first time that evening I saw my Mistress.
Pain was some thing I learned to deal with, but for my discipline, I was to receive much pleasure.
That evening was the beginning of a very special relationship. I learned to except pain like never before. The more I got, the more I wanted.