Friday, 30 May 2008


Yesterday I paid in my sponsor money for the race for life charity for cancer research. A grand total and I'm proud to have raised £142.50 for the cause. I've had a rough week one way or another. I went to a friends funeral on Wednesday, he died of leukemia at the young age of 68yrs. Yesterday my boss at work told me he had just been diagnosed with throat cancer. So even though we cannot help people directly and make this awful disease go away, we can still raise much needed funds for the research into hopefully one day finding a cure for cancer.
So lets keep giving for these well worth causes and never forget the one's we've lost. Take care of the friends we still have, give them love and respect and treat them as you would like to be treated. We may not be on this planet for ever so come on people lets get ready to party, as life's for living.

Friday, 23 May 2008

A tribute to my best friend

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
with a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me,
and I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves,
and satin sandals and say we have no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
and run my stick along public railings,
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other peoples gardens..
and learn to spit.

You can wear horrible shirts and grow more fat,
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go..
or only bread and pickle for a week.
And heard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street,
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
so people who know me are not to be shocked and surprised
when suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.

This is a poem my friend wrote to me to try and cheer me up one year when I'd had foot surgery. I've treasured it for ever and still have it. She was always so full of life, life so tragically taken away from her last year, after a short fight against cancer. So you see she never got to learn to spit, rattle her stick along the railings and to wear purple. As for wearing purple, well I got to wear pink when I ran for cancer on May 10th this year. The grand total of my efforts has risen to £142.50 . Last year whilst I was in Morocco I visited Marrakesh, where my friend had visited some many years previous, so this was a trip I had to do. The Sunday of the journey to this amazing city had bearing on me reading this very poem, because in England on the same day in a small village called Ilam in Derby-shire, in a church on a sunny day, the family of my best friend were celebrating her life, every one that ever met her was there and by all accounts the church was full. But as I was unable to be there, I had my very own private ceremony.. and I read this poem.............................
shead alot of................. tears.. and told her I loved her and missed her.
She was most certainly with me on the day of the race, more than likely looking down and laughing at me... my naked legs more likey!! She had a wicked sense of humour, she oozed personality and life. At the bottom of the poem, she added 'Hi you, thought you'd like this poem "Warning" I do & I'm getting there sooner than you' Thinking of you strapped & laid up after your operation... see you soon. Love Anita. Or as I'd called her and still do 'nattie.'

Sunday, 18 May 2008

Only Human

I've had an amazing 24 hours! Last night I had a fantastic night out with a woman who I've been best friends with for so long, but I fancy her to pieces. Today I've been out for a thrill of a ride on my motorbike. Washed and polished her, cooked n amazing dinner and got pissed on three glasses of cabinet wine, and still drinking. This isn't normal this is M&S food...hahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahah... or as I say this is S&M food!! It's an enormous feeling, of total euphoria. This feels foreign to me because I've felt so depressed just lately, anxious, panic attacks, is it my age? Go fucking knows but one minute I'm high as a kite and the next I'm thinking fuck life I've had enough! I need help I think. Or is the fact that I'm talented and can't come to terms with life? I read some where some time ago that the talented are more likely to have problems dealing with life itself than normal people who just live to work and breathe n work, full stop! So do I deliberate with the physic? do I continue to drink myself into oblivion or just get on with life? We tend to judge ourselves when infact we should live for the moment. A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer of the blood about three months ago, he spent 10 months in hospital......... He died yesterday. Alcohol lowers the senses, you can go from happy to sad in seconds..... I just did! Life is for living... live today as if it was your last. I'll be OK in the morning, will no doubt have forgotten about this conversation by tomorrow, may well think about what I've read and laugh at what I wrote.... I am after all only HUMAN!

One Hot Second

You and I had a late night. I was due at half seven, but arrived at eight. You wore my favourite perfume, my senses dancing with euphoria every whiff I got. I drove, we chatted, where to go? Try some where different? sure. Another village another country pub, busy chatter every where, bright surroundings. You sat next to me, I turned my head to see you, you smiled at me. A swift half of this I had the same, next to be fruit juice, I was driving, remember? Next place nearer town, new owners. Very nice decor, soft sumptuous leather sofas, decorative guitars hung, tempted to pluck... resisted. We sat next to each other and reminisced, your face broad with smiles of events gone, I slightly embarrassed over one in particular, but if you'd known me as you do now, but then, back there, the situation would have resolved itself, still smile about it though, but we moved on, for better, and you were getting slightly worse.. too much wine. Lively conversations, our body's getting comfortable and warm against the leather sofas, me not wanting to move. I yawn, then you. We leave and I take you home, every one's gone to bed. The house lay in darkness and cold, the heating having switched off. I shiver as we enter the front door, your key clicking in the lock. You put the kettle on, I'm on tea now, driving remember. You get the brandy out and pour a large amount into a cut glass. We sit talking, I can tell you're very relaxed now, I smile at you, you return the gesture. I hug the mug of tea, I'm tired and now cold. You light the gas fire, soon the room is filled with colour. We tuned the computer on, our smiles turned to loud chatter. We scanned certain web sites, voyeurism with intent on finding some thing saucy! A poem I'd written on my blogg. The brandy's working well, you start to get slurd with your speech. All I need to is turn to you and.... but I resist. I've recently finished a story, you lean further toward the screen, trouble focusing, you start to read it. I smile and sit back in the chair, my hands rest peacefully in my lap, I smile at you but you're lost in the words, I smile anyway. You're wearing a white low cut top, each moment I win, and you're not looking in my direction-I steal a gaze of your cleavage. My eyes easy, my expression calm. You giggled at the story, my loins become awaken, I'm feeling moist, I want you but I bide my time, not yet my friend, not yet. This moment holds very close a life long friendship and an intoxication of hidden passion. I want you and the time is now, but again I resist. My pussie tingles, I rub my legs together, sensations slide down my thighs, I wriggle, make some excuse to use the bathroom. I return and the brandy's almost gone, my god slow down I thought, she'll pass out before I get any further at this rate, I smiled at you. I turned to look at the kitchen clock..'hey you got work in the morning'...'yeah, but who cares' came your reply, not a care in the world. You moved closer to me, resting your hand on my thigh, I sat back so you could see the screen, straining to focus. I suggested I read the poem of the year to you, raw sex in every sense, lost love, the hurt left behind. You'd see it before and made a comment about how I'd suffered and still was, I brushed it aside, yes it did hurt, but I've moved on. Your sumptuous right breast, soft pink flesh oozing out of your white bra, my gaze now fixed in one direction, yours! I ran my finger down the length of your top, stroking your skin, 'hey you're leaking.' I didn't hear what you said, I was in heaven, momentarily. 'Yeah' ... I lost all train of thought. I picked my coat up and suggested you went to bed, I need mine too. You followed me to the front door, the smell of the midnight air hit my nostrils, a shiver ran down my spine. 'Click' the central locking open, climbing into my car, you swaying in time to the music. Female vocals purrfect for the kind of moment that was too follow. I asked you for a good night kiss. You leaned forward and with soft parted lips offered yourself to me. For one brief minute that felt like a life time, we shared a kiss, a soft sensuous perfect in every way....kiss. I wanted to pull you in, into the car, embrace you, pull you further into my world. At last my evening was complete. A short sweet kiss is some times all it takes, some times that's all it needs. I was happy, I was content.

Friday, 16 May 2008

Letting of Steam.

I don't know if it happens to every one, but I tend to get either morbid or extremely happy when drinking. I know it relaxes the senses, helping you to unwind, gives you a false sense of security...blah blah blah. I can touch on a few nerves some times, I don't always mean it of course but when I drink I lose faith in the ability to have such feelings;so how can I judge what I've done or come to terms with the fact that I've just written a load of bullshit?! I think tonight I've possibly written a poem from the deep depths of my once ticking happy heart, and turned it into a weird kind of bad tasting poem. But some times I have to get things off my chest with out directly pointing the finger... or not as the case tonight may be! Let me know your points of view. Tomorrow when I've slept on it, had time to re-read it again, I may still think it's a good poem. HOWEVER... I may also think SHIT what the fuck have I done?! Life's like that some days isn't it? Well I'd better go to bed now, as I've been up since 5a.m this morning, but the good thing about tomorrow, I don't have to set my fucking ALARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Submissive Love

You tied me up in chains, and gagged me too muffle the pain.
I wriggled and shouted, kicked and cried, for when you left me, my love just died.
But I wanted more, to strike you back, to make you hurt, to get you back.
The time has oozed hate, for once you were my lover, but now....
I can't wait.. Wait to see you cry, for my..our love just died.
There have been times when I wanted to say no!
You smiled, stroked my hair, told me love just wasn't fair..
Touched my heart, fed me warmth, gave me love, held me tight.
I could sense that some thing just wasn't right.
Every day would pass, you... I... we...
Drifted apart.. my warmth for you.. my love for you..
it died.

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Randy Weather

The day was another run of hot lazy sunshine. I had the day off so I decided to go for a walk, but to get to the woods I had to travel quite a few miles, so I changed into a pair of cut of jeans, threw on a strapless top, no bra; my nipples-free, the fabric brushed them, causing them to stand to attention. Slipping into some old trainers and headed off for day. The radio blasted out some heavy rock, the sky was clear blue, no clouds anywhere. I pulled into the car park, dust rising up from the gravel as I skidded to a halt, like some kind of stunt driver. I was the only car. I closed the sunroof, grabbed my bottle of water and headed off toward the pond, located deep into the undergrowth. The scent of the blue bells was immense. I saw several grey squirrels scooting about the tree trunks, their tails flickering and then they had gone. Streams of sunlight pushed its way through the tree tops-dazzled the earthy ground. Wild garlic grabbed the senses, its sweet intoxicating scent. As I wondered deeper through the wood, I caught the distant sound of dogs barking.. the sound drowning into the distance. I wasn't the only one here after all! I wandered off the beaten track, a small insignificant stream wound itself through the undergrowth. The ground was dry and covered in pine needles. I was beginning to feel randy, his sunshine makes me feel randy, as though its inviting me to do some thing naughty out side-as though I need an excuse!As I walked a few more yards, I noticed an opening and the tallest redwood I'd ever laid eyes on. I couldn't see the top of it, as hard as I strained my neck, blinded by the sun, I could not reach the top. The birds were singing, my crotch was hot and sweaty. A trickle of sweat ran from under my breasts. The sensation of all too much for me to cope with. Standing beneath the giant tree trunk, I took a quick glance to see if I was alone. I pulled my top down to expose my ample breasts;the sun hot on my damp skin. Taking the left nipple in my fingers I pinched it until the pleasure was replaced with weird pain. Unbuttoning my top button of my shorts and quickly pulling the zip down;I seized the moment, sinking my right hand down to my hungry clit...'Mmmm' the scent of a woman. I didn't need to lick my fingers, I was moist and ready. A few slow rotating movements over the tip of my love bud, my legs began to buckle as the wave of orgasm flushed itself through me, leaning forward at the very last moment rubbing my naked nipple over the ruggedness of the tree bark, as I orgasm, I ejaculate a stream of hot liquid down my legs. The sensations are toxic, I almost collapse under the quivering pleasures. My sensations are spent, and my god it was SO worth it. I sit down, my legs bent and my clit twitching with the after math. I smile, sucking my soaked fingers, tasting my perfumed fingers. Suddenly I hear noises coming quick and fast toward me, I scramble to the under growth, yanking my shorts up, re-arranging my top. The sounds of people chatting. They pass and the sounds fade. I'm still wanting more, one orgasm isn't enough. The thrill of masturbating in the open is like your first time on a white knuckle ride. You want to but you're not sure how much it scares you and how much you know you'll love it;and want more! As I dress myself and stand up, the course seem of my shorts rub against my clit driving even better sensations through my body. Stumbling toward a tree, throwing my back towards it, biting my lip to muffle the sounds. Rubbing my breasts together pinching each nipple with passion. My limbs ache beyond compare. I can't take much more. I'm hot, spent and thirsty. Time for home. I head back for the car park, with a big smile on my face, my pussie still tingling...

We did it

Here is the evidence to prove that myself and a friend took part in the Race for Life race on Saturday 10th May. The day was very hot, very sunny, great fun and a day to remember. I am
so proud to have taken part. I have managed to raise £137.00 for cancer research. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who sponsored me. THANK YOU. As you can see from the photo, I was wearing a pink t-shirt and blue shorts. My number was 519. Yes folks... this is ME!!

Monday, 12 May 2008

Running for Life

Saturday May 10th. We've trained and trained to get this far. All our hard work done, now is the time to put it to the test. As we made our way to the main field, the sight of all these women, from very young through to older ones, wearing various outfits of fancy dress, was a picture. The local radio station blasts out music to jeer the crowds on. Ice cream vans scatter the edge of the field, queues of desperately hot and hungry crowds battle for the burger vans. Portable toilets for the last minute nerves.. of which there was alot. The atmosphere was amazing. So many people running or walking to raise much needed cash for cancer research, promising us that together we can find a cure! I hope one day soon we do find a cure for this horrible disease. We arrive in time for a warm up, and on the stage are four young men/lads with pom poms , wearing black t-shirts and shorts-shouting words to a song, I don't know if they realise just how funny they look but it is after all for a good cause.They made us laugh. We stand together in strength, our running numbers on the front of our t-shirts. The reason for our just cause on the back of our t-shirts, mine said in bold silver writing... 'For my best friend.. Anita.' Every one had some one close who'd either died of cancer or had the disease and recovered from it. I was running for my best friend that day and I'm pretty sure she was with me. I kissed her photo before I left the house and told her to look out for me, I had a strong feeling she was listening that day. The time was ticking on, and every one was getting ready to run. The elite athletes were at the front of the starting line. I wanted to join them, but I knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn't ready to sprint, not in this heat anyway. I forgot to wear my peak cap, my head taking the brunt of the sunshine. What a gorgeous day for a 'fun' run. I can't remember the last time I sweat so much! The crowds gathered at the start line and the crowd counted down from ten to 1 and start, the gun went off, and the race had begun. The atmosphere was electric. We started off slowly, the grass below was green and lush. The route had changed since I had done it in previous years, with a few added steep hills to get up, which we took in our stride. The scenery was breath taking, and the route strewn with clapping on lookers beckoning us to do well. We ran with all that we had to give. I had time to read some of the reasons for running, on the shirts of the athletes in front of me, one was for two people who had died of it, some body's relative and herself who had survived the illness and recovered enough to actually take part herself, which I thought was goal in itself... truly wonderful. I was by this time starting to get slightly emotional. The sweat was running of my face, the sting of salt seeping into my skin and the burn in my calf muscles as we staggered up the hill. As we neared the finish line, Marshall's with fluorescent waist coats shouted us on even more, praising us for doing so well. With the crowds clapping and shouting. the last descent down the grassy bank was ever closer to the finish line. When I could see the finish line in view I mustered up all my energy and made a final sprint. Stitch in my lungs and cramps in my thighs I gave it all I got. And even now as I type it up, I can feel tears welling in my eyes. It was a very HOT sunny day, not ideal weather for running, but I'd have done it if it was deep in snow! Nothing would've stopped me from taking part. I nearly collapsed as I ran over the finish, relieved to have done, extremely proud to have had the opportunity to take part and help raise much needed monies. My friend did extremely well to have kept up with me, as my legs are slightly longer! Every one who took part has my admiration.. From those that organised it to those who completed it.. A day to remember.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Almost here

Over the last few days I've upped my training for the race for life. On Sunday I ran four miles in the rain, with my friend who's running with me on Saturday. Yesterday I walked four and a half miles to a village, and decided to run back the same distance of four and a half miles. Today is a rest day, as I can feel my thigh and lower calf muscles tightening up. I need to take on board some carbs and continue to drink plenty of fluid. Saturday is just '3' days away. I can't believe how quickly it's come round. I hope the day is filled with fun and joy.. and the weather isn't too hot. I remember the 1996 Flora London Marathon,the hottest on record, heat is the last thing you need when running... anywhere! I was asked the other day that when I've run the race for life, shall I continue to do some running? My reply was 'yes!' I enjoy the space, can think of nothing better than getting hot and sweaty whilst dicing with the on coming traffic.. what fun!!!!!
My friend's looking forward to the day too, we should have fun, with no injuries;whilst raising much needed funds for a very good cause. I can't wait. And hopefully will have some photos of the event to put on my blog!!

Fracture or Fiction

Well the day has finally arrived. My appointment at the fracture clinic . I was kind of nervous, not wanting to be put in plaster for six weeks. Well the good news is nothing is fractured or broken, but badly sprained. I've had one week off work and now have to endure another two weeks off work. I'd much rather work for a living than sit at home wondering what the hell to do. But these things, ligaments and stuff take time to heal. I guess alot of you reading this would relish a couple of weeks of doing absolutely nothing? Well after being restricted in certain activities, life's not exactly a bunch of roses right now, and financially I can't afford to be off work. I can honestly say I've never had a day off sick in my life, and when presented with a sick note to give to my employer, I didn't know what to do with it. So my next two weeks will be filled with fun....NOT. So there you have it.... there's one good thing to come out of this... the weather has improved!! ..... For now!

Sunday, 4 May 2008

Wishful thinking

Today is the first time since I've actually taken my hand brace off to do house hold duties, which is what I'm not meant to be doing;but being as I have the patience of a saint, I knew the 'rest the hand' part of the conversation with the hospital would eventually go out of the window. I have convinced myself that my hand IS in actual fact just bruised and NOT broken! The day is getting ever closer to going back to the fracture clinic, I'm starting to panic slightly . I can be quite convincing at the best of times and I've fallen for this. It has to have mended. It doesn't hurt any more. I haven't taken any painkillers for a couple of days. Could I be right in thinking.... I've mended myself? A miracle has happened. I'm a 'healer' and didn't know it. Some one told me once that I had two life lines on my right hand, which had significant powers... yeah I thought but you never know. Tuesday will be the day when I shall find out if my theory is true. Watch this ...............................................................


Thursday, 1 May 2008


Today I phoned in work to say I was going to the doctors to get checked out regarding my swollen hand. OK the doctor did his usual examination by pressing on certain areas of the hand, and me in return pulling contorted faces responding to the fact that wherever he prodded, I HURT!! He then suggested I go to A&E to get it x-rayed, so off i toddled to the hospital! Several hours later and four x-rays done, they think I might have, but they're not sure, but I might actually have fractured a bone in my hand. I was yesterday in some considerable pain, the hand is now in a brace with Velcro straps to hold it steady and support my swollen, now multi coloured bruised hand in place. I have to admit I do feel pissed off with the fact that I may actually get 'plastered' and not in the liquid variety, next Tuesday when I return to the fracture clinic. For now the swelling's too much so they won't do the cast bit. I don't look forward to 6 weeks in plaster, more so, I don't want to be off work that long, but accidents do happen, I happened!
I'm taking anti inflammatory tablets and painkillers to make things bearable. The house work is out of the question, washing and taking care of me is hard enough! I'm trying to look on the bright side of things... I get bored very easily, so may read a book. At some stage of the game, I've to go for a run, Oh yes I have my race for life in nine days time! Everything appears to have gone wrong, and I'm feeling sorry for myself.