Shattered Love

I held the hand that wasn't there.
I felt the relief when you left.
Time heals all wounds, for a while
I didn't care. That 'while' still
remains, the heart is cold...
I am no longer there. You are no
longer here, I no longer stare
at the photo that once stood upon
the shelf. I no longer smell your
sweet perfume, wipe the remains of
the lost love. Re heat the menu..
to feel your skin, to lie beside
you, crumpled sheets where we once
lay, battered pillows of friendly play.
The crowd do gather, it's cold out
side, once again you are by my side.
The mourners gather, the rain clouds
form. My tears have dried, they no
longer fall. I'm frozen, shaking..
cold. My blood stained skin...
where the thorns has pierced me
within, the love that abandoned me.
Cast aside this red rose, down to the
sodden earth below. Dark is where you
belong, from where you shall lay..
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust....
from my hands the roses fall.
And I shall walk away.

Want

As I stand before you, you lay your hand upon me. I feel your warmth, I hear your need. Pull away my hair from my face, wipe away my tears from my skin. Remove my trousers with you teeth, I have this urgency to cum, I have this want to be..
Pull yourself closer to me, let me wrap my love around your soul. My hand meets yours, I guide you below my existence, to my dripping hole that so urgently requires your touch. We kiss, our lips are damp, my legs shake. Pulling at your shirt, buttons flying off at all angles. Push me aside, lean upon my shoulder, let me take your weight. You're light in comparison, your skin is fair, your touch is..........
Your heat brings life to my pussie. Each gentle stroke of your hand, each gentle touch of your face, we dance in silence, the music of the gods is on our side. And you with all that you give, all that you hear, with all that I see. The foundation of which our love stands erect, my orgasm is building. I hold you tight, you feel what I feel, your pace quickens, and I ........ 'my goddddddddd.'
We are. I am. You hear and I see all. We are the future.

Goodbyes

I never looked behind me
when you said all your
goodbyes, but I'm still wiping
away the tears that stung my
eyes, the misty sunsets, the
heat upon our flesh, I blink
and there it is, still fresh in my
mind. I run my fingers through
my hair, close my eyes and
wish that you were still there.
Lie naked in clean cotton sheets.
my nipples..hard, my heart...
weak. Can you feel where you
used to lie... I can taste you-beside,
I fight with the pillows, hold them
to my face, I can smell your
perfume....there's just a trace.
They say that time is a healer..
but I don't really know.. it's been
only a week now. Your photo lies
upside down on the shelf...
should I move it, I can't bring
myself. Maybe it's too early yet.
I'm still in the 'God I don't know
what to do stage.' Some days I just
sit and cry.... others I'm full of rage.
I can't make any plans, I don't want
to move on, I'm OK sitting here..here
where we used to hold hands. Used
do a lot of things, used to do's, don't
happen any more. The day you left
me, you broke my heart.

Calmer Waters

Just to let you all know that after my heart wrenching story 'Instruments of destruction' last week, I've calmed down a hell of a lot-for how long I have no idea. Spiky-Jackie-UBS-Nitebyrd to name but a few have given me strength to regain my inwardly love that I'm missing from me, let alone the world, I can't take everyone on at once. I would like to THANK YOU all for your heart warming lovely loving comments that you wrote for me, some of which made me cry, but I think they were good tears .. tears being some thing that I rarely part with, even when I'm slicing my flesh up! Today at work I had the opportunity to go the whole hog and join the GALIPS union. A union that protects Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender people from sexual discrimination.. also helping them to work in a safe environment, equal rights etc. I got a goody bag with rainbow coloured goodies in... actually the signing my name and ticking the box marked 'Gay' was more exciting than getting the goodies. I've come a hell of a long way recently, and what with my writing and how that has developed, I think I've chosen the right path in life, just need to find me a woman now! But I realise that should I never find a woman to share my world with, it doesn't matter, but I'll sure have fun looking. I want to get a step further with my writing, I must get in contact with Mia again, I know she's a busy lady what with her job. Tomorrow is a day not yet started and after a good nights sleep, my batteries hopefully recharged, I should start to regain my life back. I've felt bogged under of late, it's almost like my energy channels have got crossed, giving out negative energy, what with late nights and long days, this week has been extremely tiring. Some times it's like that, but I tend to think I can cope...I'm not getting any younger or so my Friends keep reminding me!! ;-). Monday is a day to get over with before it's started. I had some dis functional visual defects in my left eye, back in March- well actually it was behind my left eye. Any way after several trips to the eye hospital, having drops into both eyes that dilated the pupils, ( felt like my eye balls had been grated) having incredibly bright lights shone in them...as you can imagine I've had enough, but they have yet to find out what caused it in the first place. At my last appointment in September I was told by the specialist that a woman of 'my age' shouldn't be having haemorrhage's behind my eyes. That left me feeling slightly worried as you can well imagine. I had to have endless blood tests ( I hate needles) and a chest X-ray of which I get the result on Monday. I have absolutely no immediate worries at this stage of the game. I will however keep you all posted. So that's a catch up of me for the past !!!!!! months. I'm not going to write anything for a while, to tell you the truth, I've lost my erotic vibe of late. It's like that some times ...... but I will be back.

A tribute to my best friend

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
with a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me,
and I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves,
and satin sandals and say we have no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
and run my stick along public railings,
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other peoples gardens..
and learn to spit.

You can wear horrible shirts and grow more fat,
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go..
or only bread and pickle for a week.
And heard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street,
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
so people who know me are not to be shocked and surprised
when suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.

This is a poem my friend wrote to me to try and cheer me up one year when I'd had foot surgery. I've treasured it for ever and still have it. She was always so full of life, life so tragically taken away from her last year, after a short fight against cancer. So you see she never got to learn to spit, rattle her stick along the railings and to wear purple. As for wearing purple, well I got to wear pink when I ran for cancer on May 10th this year. The grand total of my efforts has risen to £142.50 . Last year whilst I was in Morocco I visited Marrakesh, where my friend had visited some many years previous, so this was a trip I had to do. The Sunday of the journey to this amazing city had bearing on me reading this very poem, because in England on the same day in a small village called Ilam in Derby-shire, in a church on a sunny day, the family of my best friend were celebrating her life, every one that ever met her was there and by all accounts the church was full. But as I was unable to be there, I had my very own private ceremony.. and I read this poem.............................
......................
shead alot of................. tears.. and told her I loved her and missed her.
She was most certainly with me on the day of the race, more than likely looking down and laughing at me... my naked legs more likey!! She had a wicked sense of humour, she oozed personality and life. At the bottom of the poem, she added 'Hi you, thought you'd like this poem "Warning" I do & I'm getting there sooner than you' Thinking of you strapped & laid up after your operation... see you soon. Love Anita. Or as I'd called her and still do 'nattie.'