Time to say goodbye

Tomorrow I will be handing over my dear friend Dragonfly, my trusted friend my Honda deauville 650cc motorbike, in a part exchange for my new bike. I'm kind of sad, I always get attached to my bikes, like my cars, but I don't name my cars-just my bikes. Well you've seen the photograph on my blog... I actually get to bring the new bike home tomorrow. I would like it to be a nice day, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a dry journey. I shall say my goodbyes tomorrow just before I ride her for the last time, she's been a great piece of mechanical brilliance and never let me down, pitty people can't be like that.. never letting us down! I have to make room in my life for new beginnings. I know that once I get to grips with the Yamaha FJR 1300 aptly named ' Black Thunder,' I will love riding her. I will have to run her in, go steady for at least the first 200 miles, that shouldn't be too difficult, I'm not a stupid rider, I'd like to class myself as a sensible rider. I had a near miss the other day in the car park at work, some silly bugger didn't stop to see what or who was coming around the corner, it happened to be ME!! I slammed on the brakes, she kind of hit her brakes and we managed to miss one another... her explanation was " Oh sorry duck I didn't see you!" ... That's the main problem with prats in cars, they have tunnel vision and don't look out for any other road users..
For god sake it's a big enough bike ad I was wearing bright yellow fluorescent jacket, how the hell could she MISS me? Anyway, I can't make excuses for the idiots on the road who don't recognise us bikers, they should be given a test to see how they would cope in an accident with a biker or better still how to avoid having the accident in the first place! I will love and care for my new baby, she's brand new. I've had an alarm fitted, data chipped,heated handle bar grips, top box suitable for two crash helmets, and the addition of intercom, so I can talk to any passengers I decide to take on board. I'm quietly excited, tired more likely. I've been up since 5a.m-having started work this morning at 6a.m.

On the road to recovery

Tonight I had a sort out and I lit a bonfire, I thought I'd feel sad, angry, empty. I didn't feel anything., or if I did, I was hiding it well. It was the end of an era. Maybe it was the wine that I drank in vast gulps, maybe because I'd prepared myself for this event, I had accepted the inevitable. I have had a good clear out, it's amazing, us as human beings, just how much stuff we actually keep. I do however wish to apologise to some one for being ... possibly a bitch for any thing I've said, maybe they've taken it out of term, I don't know. But this for once is about me and how I've felt over the past god knows how many months. I'm looking toward the future, whatever that might bring, I know for sure that next time, if there is a 'next time' that I will not fall so fuckin head over in heals in love. I have to stay focused and take my time to channel my new energy's. Look after 'me' sod any body else. If I can't channel my energy's for me, then I have no hope for anybody else!! All my life I've been there for people, given my all, my best, my 100%. NOW I have to start taking care of 'myself.' I may not find new love, just loving myself is the number one priority right now.. and I'm not sure that's going to be easy.... but I will give it my 110%.

Farewell

After my last blog, I've had time to realise that I'm ready for a large bonfire. I've got to soon or later and maybe I should have a long time ago, got rid of a load of emotional shit. I'm not tired and I haven't been drinking, unlike last Friday when it all came flooding to the surface! Whilst I was at work today, a few work friends asked was every thing alright with me? as I'm usually bright n cheerful n telling jokes. Some times I like to have a quiet day, time to reflect on what I really want out of life, at work and at home. I've had all day to figure it all out. You might agree or disagree with that but I'm ready. I won't be told how to deal with my life, and I'm pretty sure some folk only have my interests at heart, some.... those I work with just want some juicy gossip, they ... I do not class as true friends! Anyway when I tried to explain my healing process that I had the wonderful opportunity of receiving a few weeks ago, as soon as I opened my mouth, I just knew .... I was waisting my time trying to explain why I was being quiet. Things like 'healing' and ' grounding' are not the terminology that these 'Vanilla' folk would understand, let alone figure out. It'd be like me listening to some body talk Chinese... a complete and utter waist of time, WHY?? because I don't do 'Chinese' that's why! Right so that is my decision. I shall prepare an area of ground tomorrow night and pour some flammable liquid over the area, just to make sure that the evidence is completely destroyed. I won't shed any tears, I shall raise a glass to the future and make a wish, that I find new happiness. But like I said in my Friday night blog, I'm not in any immediate rush, it will happen when the time is right.