Believing...

After careful thought and a lot of worrying over the years, I think I've finally figured 'it' out! It doesn't matter what people say or think, it shouldn't bother me. It used to. I used to think that any passing comment was aimed directly at me, some thing I'd done wrong or said. I've spent a lot of my life treading carefully around family and friends in particular, planning what to say , how to build a conversation, thinking ahead what they might reply, would I take offence? The answer to this is yes I'd take it to heart, get down, let it eat me away, destroying any self confidence I ever had inside of me.
Just of late I've for some miraculous reason taken exactly the opposite approach. Things are looking better, I don't give a damn any more what the general public think or say... they can go to hell for all I care, AND I'm not short of telling them that either! YEAH ... I've grown up in a sense, realised they can't help the way their tiny little minds think,. I know from the warmth that I feel inside of me that I'm OK with whatever life hurls at me. Shit happens.. it hits the fan some times, I just got to learn to duck down when it takes off. So my life in general so far is starting to take shape once more. I stray off the beaten track on occasion but this is to be expected, god... I'm only human after all... aren't I?

Courage.

In previous posts I've talked about the 'Abyss' and how it drags me down into the unknown. Well I'm kissing the 'Abyss' goodbye as from today.. Kickin it into orbit. No more cutting, no more bleeding and putting myself down.. instead I'm holding my head up high and walking proud. Proud of who I am and who I want to be.. I'm not there yet, these are just the infant stages of my journey. The map isn't clear and I don't have sat nav either, but I know roughly where I have to head for. I've got to reach for the stars if necessary, take each day as it arrives. If we awake tomorrow then it's a blessing. I don't pretend to be any one in particular, but I am important... to me first and fore most. For once in my life, I come first. Look after number one because no one else will!! I can honestly say I'm in for an experience that will change the way I talk, think, love, live. I don't proclaim to be super human, far from it. I do know that we all have a reason for being and I WILL find the true me.