Identity

I've always had a problem
with who is the 'real' me.
First I told the world I
was Bi-sexual, but I soon
realised this wasn't to be.
So then I came out as 'Gay'
with the feeling this was
the real deal.. I didn't
get a medal or an approved
seal. I dress more like
a man, don't feel comfortable
in a dress, have the body
language to suit. I even have
my Dad's mannerisms. The
words my mum always told me
'you should've been a man.'
Confused.. I sure as fuckin
hell am!!!!!!!!
But today.. I found the
answer, like a bolt out
of the blue, this is it.
I've come to the conclusion,
puzzled no longer am I.
I'm a Gay man in a woman's
body, skin and bone too.
So the question now is,
is there more like me?
Or am I the only one?
I know what you're
thinking and to be
honest I don't really
give a fuck. It's
what's in my heart
that counts, my brain's
already screwed.
So no I still don't
know who I am or where
to go. Therapy might
be a start.. I guess
I really do not know.
Happy is what I thought I was.
Elated now I should be.
Loving is my aim,
Paralysed by not knowing..
this is killing me,.
I feel suspended in time,
another sphere unknown to life.
I have two children, a husband
for god's sake I'm a wife!
Am I in a nightmare,
will I suddenly wake
up in a sweat? Jesus Christ
I think I'm losing it.
So my next question is
'What do I do next?'