No boundaries

I'm at my most vulnerable when I've had some alcohol, listening to rock is a must too....What I here you ask? Pain. Self inflicted is the best, the adrenaline rush is awesome. But to get the full effect of pain is, it just keeps coming, the sharper the implement the better, the deeper the cut depends on how drunk I am, like a sedative. Yes I used to be a user, or in English terms... a 'cutter.' The best time I ever had was when I broke up in a relationship a few years ago. Shit happens. It nearly finished me, came close to ending it all. Am OK now but still feel the need every now and again to feel the rush.. when I get rock bottom. I have certain areas of my body that I go for, areas that are less likely to show, having said that tattoos are a good cover up. I can talk about it now because I've got a hold of my life ( tears flowing now!) Am fine really! Need another drink, don't worry the knives are safely put away. The other kind of pain I love is when I'm tied up and whipped with in an inch of my life by another being and saying 'FUCK OFF' no more.... laughing now, god I love to shock and I'm on a roll now! Slurp!!South Australian wine... fuckin great wine. Now where was I oh yeah... flesh ripping blood soaked sleeve. I'd been in a long loving awesome relationship for almost five amazin years with this shit gorgeous woman. The times she's handcuff me to the ceiling, blindfold me and tease me, god.. putty in her hands. I never gave into the pain barrier, never used the safety word. This makes me stronger, this builds my immune system for future references. I can take anything ( but dental pain ) LOL!! I have an amazin tiger tattoo covering up some pretty impressive scars. When I need a reminder of what I used to be, I run my fingers down the tigers face. My tattooist recognised them and fully understood my past without questioning me. He said the tattoo would cover it up, but it doesn't repair the emotional side. That's the kind of people I like, folk who understand me, know where I've been and know where I've come from. Those were the days, sad really 'cuz I kinda miss the adrenaline rush, feeling in total euphoria but I got a new kinda rush now.. she's called Dragonfly, my motorbike. I hope never to go down the lost road of cutting up again, and if I do I may not be so lucky next time! So until the next ....adios