Monday, 9 March 2009

Hope

Tonight I met with my lady of the past seven months. We drank, I got drunk rapidly, spilt my heart out to her. Apparently what I said to her regarding our break up had actually made sense to her and she admitted I was right in what I had spoken to her. That kind of made me feel good, but in another way I felt bad. I am still very much in love with her, and told her so tonight. I am very much under the influence of alcohol and very much worried of my future regarding a follow up appointment at the hospital regarding my eye sight tests I had done last week. I have an emergency appointment this Wednesday at 9.30 and have to admit I am bricking it, shit, fucking scared as to what they will have to tell me! As in any situation we automatically think the worst!! I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we kissed deeply and passionately tonight, the fire that was, is still there I think, but, and there's always a BUT!! She isn't sure, but the fact that we kissed, with tongues, our hands clenching the parts that we once had fire for, thighs, breasts .. mouths... God I so missed having her around these past few days. which feel like months to me. So every one who was concerned with my welfare, and thank you for caring, it's hit a spot in my heart that will always feel needed. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Regarding Wednesday and the hospital...... I will keep you all informed.

12 comments:

nitebyrd said...

Indigo, I'm so sorry all this has happened. I've been remiss in visiting because of some difficulties at work. I just feel terrible, now.

My thoughts and prayers are with you for your appointment on Wednesday and that your condition is treatable.

I also think that the love and desire you and your girl have for each other will be able to mend your broken hearts. It sounds like there is still much love in both of you.

(((HUGS)))

Loving Annie said...

Indigo,
Nitebryd said it beautifully.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Indigo: hello sweetie. I'm sorry to hear the news on your eyes...but honey, chin up and think positive. I'm sending my bestthoughts yourway and prayers too.

As for our love life...throw every obstacle out the window...what really counts is the love.

please let us know about you and the hospital on Wednesday.

kisses going your wat sweets. xxxx
Ciao honey. :D

Loving Annie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Loving Annie said...

And as far as the comment you left me on Tallgrass' blog - of course, Indigo.. I had my own very bitter wounds in the past. And once you know something of that quicksand of pain, the only decent thing to do - the ONLY thing you can do, is reach out a helping hand to someone else.

AND NO MORE DRINKING, INDIGO !!!
I don't and won't do the drama that goes with it. Life is hard enough.... No matter how much empathy I have, it doesn't extend to co-dependency. Tough love here.

((hugs))

Trixie said...

Here's hoping the two of you can make it work out Indigo...good luck with Wednesday x

Indigo said...

nitebyrd~ We met last night for a drink or many! I hadn't eaten much all day due to mind going into turmoil over hospital appointment tomorrow. My head has been else where. We have got back together, I had said a lot of stuff to her and she had agreed that I was right on nearly all of it. Love eh? can make a person or ruin them. Thank you for being there for me... I know you were in your heart. Will tell all when I know more re- eyes.. but for now my heart is mended.

Indigo said...

Loving Annie~ all of the above that I wrote to nitebyrd. I am bricking it for tomorrow, I shall stay off the wine for now, I learnt my lesson last night. I am getting help re- self harm, but there isn't a known replacement for my pain, I have to direct my anguish else where and that will take time...thank you again for your thoughts and prayers..

Indigo said...

Spiky~ I have lots of people who, in blog land actually care about my welfare and this means so f*ckin much to me. I am hoping my eyes will mend, my heart is working again, my nerves may be slightly shattered but I will survive this...... I hope!! Thank you hun, much appreciated x

Indigo said...

Trixie~ Thank you, we're making another go of things, I hurt her but also showed her another route to finding happiness.... with me! She also has demons of which she has to deal with in her own way and time... and we have all the time in the world. x

Tallgrass said...

I hope you find peace.

Reach out to others and they will reach out to you.

Only unconditional love lasts.

Unfortunately, lust, alcohol and drugs distorts our views of what true love is all about.

(I know, because I frequently struggle with those demons.)

So just know that others care and that you are loved.

Indigo said...

Tallgrass~ Thank you for your untold support, I reached out and you were all there for me. That has fulled me with great hope to run the straight and marrow from now on, but I might fall off the wagon , but I will hold on really tight.