Faith

The past few weeks have been some what traumatic for me. I haven't been very good at handling my life, throwing myself over the edge in more ways than one!!
Today was a tough one. I had had an emergency appointment through from the hospital for an eye problem I thought I'd over come last week-when I had suffered a hemorrhage at the rear of my left eye. With the massive headaches that attached them selves to me, stress and ample amounts of worry, I headed for trouble...big time!!
I couldn't sleep last night , had lost my appetite.... all in all..... I was a mess!! BUT ... and there's always a BUT!.... There's a light at the end of the tunnel! I arrived early for my appointment, sweaty palms and thumping tension head to boot. More eye drops that stung like hell, then more drops to dilate my pupils AND more bright lights to look into my eye cavity. All of what I experienced last week, so I knew what to expect. The consultant has no idea why I had the hemorrhage, and wants me to come back in 8 weeks time for another check up, with no doubt the fabulous stinging pain numbing drops!!
However it doesn't stop there. I had some blood tests last week. The large discoloured bruise still visible on my arm, along side the puncture mark the nurse assured me would not hurt ( SHE LIED!) My next obstacle is to go to my own doctor and figure out how to eat better... as one of the blood tests reveal I am ' Border line ' DIABETIC!!!!!!! Does it get any better? So that is my life in short. I still have the headaches, more due to tension due to the eye pain- some thing to work on with some medication no doubt I will survive and wonder what all the fuss was about. My eye sight is ok, for now. I intend getting my eyes tested and buying some new glasses.

Hope

Tonight I met with my lady of the past seven months. We drank, I got drunk rapidly, spilt my heart out to her. Apparently what I said to her regarding our break up had actually made sense to her and she admitted I was right in what I had spoken to her. That kind of made me feel good, but in another way I felt bad. I am still very much in love with her, and told her so tonight. I am very much under the influence of alcohol and very much worried of my future regarding a follow up appointment at the hospital regarding my eye sight tests I had done last week. I have an emergency appointment this Wednesday at 9.30 and have to admit I am bricking it, shit, fucking scared as to what they will have to tell me! As in any situation we automatically think the worst!! I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we kissed deeply and passionately tonight, the fire that was, is still there I think, but, and there's always a BUT!! She isn't sure, but the fact that we kissed, with tongues, our hands clenching the parts that we once had fire for, thighs, breasts .. mouths... God I so missed having her around these past few days. which feel like months to me. So every one who was concerned with my welfare, and thank you for caring, it's hit a spot in my heart that will always feel needed. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Regarding Wednesday and the hospital...... I will keep you all informed.