Silence is Golden

Silence is golden, my mind is clear from all the traffic that has travelled through it the past eight years. Tomorrow is at the back of my thoughts, I've found a remedy for the knowing and not wanting to know... it's called red wine and plenty of it. I am in a dangerous mood at this present moment in time... but I think I'm in control... going out for a fag in a minute. I feel so in control I feel I want to cry! Or do I want to cry because I'm not really in control? I am watching a recording of 'Queen' at the moment, that in itself can make me very emotional...! I was told once to live my life so that I was satisfied, my dear Grandmother told me just that... bless her she died at the grand age of 96 of dementia. I remember going to say my good byes when she was close to dying... you can't get more raw emotion than that, she passed away three weeks later.
I am trying to come to the terms in the body that I live, I have a bloody vein in my left leg, I must have scratched it in my sleep... this is not good BUT and I just love waiting for the 'BUT' I'm counting down my days to the Eve of Christmas when I eventually after twenty years... get the operation to have them mended. I can't wait, I also look forward to get this damn awful tattoo on my right arm covered...SORRY............................'SORRY' I'm having a panic attack!! I'm getting rid of all the shit that still haunts me...Fuck!!!!!!!! Sharp knives apart...
I'm losing the plot again... what was I on about? Oh yeah sharp knives.. ;))))))).
Exhaustion can play a big part in emotions can't it? I've had a fun filled weekend in rainy Wales, driven through deep floods, waded through shin deep flood water in my stockin feet with my trousers up above my knees!! Great fun. Breathe taking scenery, friendly people and lovely food. Done over 400 miles and enjoyed every inch of the way. So why do I feel like I wanna die? Only joking folks... it's the wine swimming round my head 'BUT' let me tell you that 'Silence is Golden.'

Hope

Today I had an appointment through to go to the Breast clinic for an emergency mammogram. All I can say is they don't hang about. My day is Thursday 3rd Dec 9.20am. I'm not looking forward to having my swollen breast squashed in to a machine that resembles a meat slicer! But it'll put my mind at rest when they tell me it's nothing to worry about. I'm pretty sure it's nothing to worry about, but I have done my share of worrying.. we do don't we? As human beings.. we worry, for no apparent reason. I've had other things to focus on just lately like my three days away in south Wales, starting tomorrow afternoon, hope the weather is kind to me as I'm going on my Yamaha FJR 1300. Also my trip to the NEC at Birmingham to the International Motorbike Show on Monday. So with these events in place, I have been fairly OK. I just hope the nurse who attends my examination on Thursday has warm hands Lol. So there it is... in black n white. I guess I'm over reacting, but I can't help it. I'm still in some pain, but that's the infection. Horse pills will start working soon I hope, no alcohol for me until the course is finished on Monday, then I will have a couple of LARGE glasses of red wine... but I won't be celebrating any thing until I get my results... once again I like to thank Secretia for being there for me...she's a gem.

A Breast of things

Some time the middle of last week I noticed some discomfort in my left breast. A couple of years ago I had to go for a mammogram on both my breasts. That is a painful process in itself. I was told that I was just one of the many women who suffer painful breasts and there was nothing I could do, so I believed them. Up until now I had no problems, then last week it all changed. I had a chat with another blogger.. Secretia who is a nurse, so I asked for her advice and she told me to go get it checked out asap, I told her I would do and I would keep her informed. This morning I made an appointment to see a lady doctor. I've got one uncomfortable breast, it's hot.. sore..tender..PAINFUL! I told the doctor this, she examined me.. her hands were cold, but a welcome change to warm hands as my skin is hot. Apparently I have a cyst just to one side of my nipple. I am now taking a course of Antibiotics, so that means no alcohol for me until I'm all done popping these horse pills, I say horse pills due to their size....BIG!!
To find out the exact problem, I am now on the waiting list for an emergency mammogram. I'm not looking forward to it, but it will put my mind at rest when I find out it's a minor problem.. I should hear about this in a couple of weeks. In the mean time I shall continue to take my medication, paracetamol, Ibuprofen. So it's a good idea to keep doing the checks on your boobies regularly, you just never know what might happen! I'm hoping my problem IS just a cyst and nothing else. I will keep you posted because I know this subject is very important, life is very important.