Thursday, 29 April 2010

Time Out

The bags are packed,
waterproofs n hat.
I'm going away for
a few days.. I'm
in need of a break.
Comfy shoes, warm
jacket, not sure
of the weather but
right now it's wet!
Bike gear standin
by, satnav all set.
I don't care if it
rains, I quite like
getting wet. I am
prepared, I got
the gear, Spike is
ready and raring
to go. So I'm
looking forward
to doing 'jack shit.'
Got my favorite
book to read, can
lose myself in
crime.. I will
eat alot, maybe
drink alot, but
I can't wait to
get off to Whitby.
Whitby is famous
for Count Dracula,
with the remains
of the Abby on the
hill. Many times
I have been, but
never have I
seen the caped
demon with
vampire teeth.
Fish n chips we
will stuff..
plenty more
fattening &
sticky finger
stuff. Time for
a play in the
penny arcade..
I can't wait,
I'm like a child
expecting a ride.
I don't care if
it's wet, 'cuz
I know I'll have
fun, fun, fun
all the way.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Pushing it.

I have found at Long last what I was looking for. This is a lovely necklace made of cream coloured some thing or other.. it resembles bone but I think it may be plastic.
It is made from broken hearts in actual fact. It is one & half inches long, 3 quarters inch wide, not heavy. In actual fact it's pretty much the same size as on this blog. Also I have the 'Mermaid' still for sale.. she's coming up in a minute. And here she is. I will pay for P&P 'anywhere' in the world. I have enough bubble wrap to make sure they arrive in one piece and in perfect condition, that is my contribution to the cause. Next week I will be back with some other unwanted items.
Thank you for browsing .. hope you find some thing to amuse you. Make me an offer.. think of it this way, the postage will cost me more than the item you are buying.. but like I said.. I want to do my part, and yeah as it rhymes... I am all heart. I won't rip you off, I just wanna make some much needed cash for cancer.

I have a Pay Pal account just ask ;)


I still have some stuff I wish to sell for a good
cause, one being Spikey's Charity and the other
being I no longer want these objects
anywhere near me. David at work first fell
in love with this glass necklace when we
first found each other, from that day to now
we have bonded, he introduced me to the gay
scene.. so I asked him today if he wanted
to buy it.. and he said yes. So that's
another few quid for Cancer. I still need
a home for a painting and if I can find it,
another item of jewelry, I'll keep you all
posted, but I won't be around for a few days
after Friday, I'm off to Whitby North York-
shire until next Tuesday.. on Spike my motor
bike, weather permitting I will have a paddle
in the sea, not sure whether to take suncream
or waterproofs, but I will have a fab time..
because I won't be here at home bored out
of my tree. ;)


Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Bleeding Heart-Tuesday's Poem

Bleeding heart
a cut above
the rest. Hold
out your hand
embrace all
that I have,
all that I
gave.. all
that I will
give again.
Let me dress
your wounds.
Give unto me
Open up ..
let me in.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Truth ?

As I stare into this glass object.
I used to cringe.. check out this
ugly person stare outwardly then
in. Inside I am warm, loving and
kind.. but on the outside I have
this appearance of which I am
unsure of. Inside my head I feel,
I think , for I am a child.. I
am, for I have been born. I see
this object, of which should be
of desire? I feel no such thing.
I stare at myself trying to say
the magic words which fall out
of my mouth. Without much
enthusiasm I repeat five times
'I am beautiful' but I feel
nothing. Maybe I am doing it
wrong. So I try again with
meaning 'I am beautiful'x 5.
Is it meant to work like
Oil of Olay, with time will
it iron out the hate for
which I have held for the
past ?? years. Will it dry
my aged tears? I hope so.

Saturday, 24 April 2010


Let me
myself, my
name is
now new.
just as
some one
I was,
a long
time since,
called this
I have
to change.
I shall
now be
known as
who knows!
Maybe you
could think
of a
for me?
that be

Friday, 23 April 2010


Pull back the soft
furnishings of my
heart, this hard
pounding organ
pumping red stuff
around this path-
etic life form.
Pull back the
skin from this
shrivelled dick,
he no longer
requires help.
From a new
I have, we
have discovered
new boundaries.
No mans land
has been ripped
up, trashed. I..
we, I say we
because I used
to be me, then I
discovered I had
a 'he' inside
of me so now I
say 'we,' if
you see what
I mean. Anyway
where was I..
Oh yeah. I have
thought long
and hard of
where I ought
to go.. which
direction. I
though at first
I'd have a ragin
thirst for cock,
gay man scream..
not! My eyes are
wide open. My
heart is tickin
over nicely. I
have no one
in mind for
romance.. I
shall take it
so god damn
easy. Lie
back and
relax. I
used to say
time waits
for no one..
do I care?
Nope. I just
hope that
when I have
made my way
through this
I can become
this amazin
human being
keep insist-
ing I am.
She/he's in
here some
where, I
I don't care.
What you see
aint what
you get...

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Fuck it.

Turn here... 10 years down the line.
The world should now be my oyster.
I smile.. the sun captures my
inwardly shy sincerity for
a while.. clouds gather..
turmoil, like the heat of
a Volcano's fire. I am
lost again, no more smiles.
Have I?
Did I ?
Should I? Back track or
carry on regardless?!
Questions, questions, questions.
I muddle on.. doing my daily
chores. Smile, make some times
awkward conversation, fingers
blindly crossed behind.
I imagine myself standing
on the edge of a high
building. Do I stay a while,
continue to smile, let people
think it's OK, I'm fine?
Should I fall-not jump.
Jumping is the Grand Finale-
to fall wouldn't be seen as
deliberate. To fall would
be simply a stumble-tumble-
like toddlers do when they
run before they walk!
I dreampt once I could
fly.. in a turbulent
wind, level with the
street lights..completely
free, no ties. Is it...?
Am I..? ready to die?
Am I a cheap skate?
chicken or yellow?
As time trickles by
my mind will become
full of anger.. brushed
aside. Naggin at the
back of my brain
like the gate that
couldn't shut..
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Trigger, click, dead.

Now I am feeling better
for getting this confusion
of my chest.. I have not
the balls to kill myself..
well not just yet. So
please do not panic,
although I may be manic.
Depression will shortly
disappear. Once again
please.. don't worry.
Have no fear, I will
be here yet for many
years. I am venting
my kept body, for so
long I have felt
shoddy. Yeah the poem's
coming to an end.Hope-
fully I will soon be
on the mend. Thank you
for helping, but my
journey's just begun.
No I do not own or
possess any guns.
I only have these
panic attacks
when my hormone
levels plumit.
here I go again.
'Fuck it!'

Wednesday, 21 April 2010


I've always had a problem
with who is the 'real' me.
First I told the world I
was Bi-sexual, but I soon
realised this wasn't to be.
So then I came out as 'Gay'
with the feeling this was
the real deal.. I didn't
get a medal or an approved
seal. I dress more like
a man, don't feel comfortable
in a dress, have the body
language to suit. I even have
my Dad's mannerisms. The
words my mum always told me
'you should've been a man.'
Confused.. I sure as fuckin
hell am!!!!!!!!
But today.. I found the
answer, like a bolt out
of the blue, this is it.
I've come to the conclusion,
puzzled no longer am I.
I'm a Gay man in a woman's
body, skin and bone too.
So the question now is,
is there more like me?
Or am I the only one?
I know what you're
thinking and to be
honest I don't really
give a fuck. It's
what's in my heart
that counts, my brain's
already screwed.
So no I still don't
know who I am or where
to go. Therapy might
be a start.. I guess
I really do not know.
Happy is what I thought I was.
Elated now I should be.
Loving is my aim,
Paralysed by not knowing..
this is killing me,.
I feel suspended in time,
another sphere unknown to life.
I have two children, a husband
for god's sake I'm a wife!
Am I in a nightmare,
will I suddenly wake
up in a sweat? Jesus Christ
I think I'm losing it.
So my next question is
'What do I do next?'

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Mr. Presley

Tuesday poem twat thingy!!

I was just 16 when he passed.
I was still living in the
grand old US of A.I'll
never forget the radio
report.. the King is..
my eyes filled to the
brim with wet stuff.
I blinked and cried
for a whole week..
The King.. is dead.
Love me tender..
love me sweet..
all my dreams
come true..
Oh my darlin
I love you..
and I always
will. Love me
tender, love
me true.. all
my dreams
forfill, Oh
my darlin I
love you..
and I always
will. He is
'The King'
long live
Mr. Presley.
I miss him.

Monday, 19 April 2010

My World

I live in this world
of mine, enclosed
and safe. I have
many memories
from previous
times when I
felt so sad.
I know she
is there..
I can feel
the heat of
her constant
stare. Her
eyes light
up my day.
A mere..
gentle brush..
and she passes
by. I know she
is here, I see
her there. I
don't always
look, but I
know she is..
Here in my
world I am
safe. I have
very few
worries from
day to day.
I walk into
a room. keep
my head down.
Go about my
chores, tempted
to rise to the
bait.. but..
wait. I hear
her voice,
the smile
meets me half
way. 'How are
you today?'
My reply 'OK
thank you, a
large smile
my face. I
hover a while,
too quickly
that moment
has gone, I
look away and
carry on. I
don't plan for
anything to
happen, maybe
it won't. I can
dream and I
nearly always do,
cuz in my world
I'm safe. In
my world I know
she is there..
I can tell.

Saturday, 17 April 2010

Beauty and the Beast

Here we have a glass beauty from New Zealand. Not very heavy and lies nicely around any neck line. In length it's just short of 2" & 1" wide.. if whoever wants to buy it, it is made of glass. Dark blue with what looks like a hologram inside but it's a different coloured glass.,if you like you can have it hanging on a leather platted lace (but that'll cost you more)and I make the leather laces. P&P is free to you, that comes out of my pocket as I said from the start just ask Vi who bought two paintings from me for her son who adores cats. They went well padded in bubble wrap n boxed weighed and stamped.. so no worries there, anywhere in the world! So who would like this little beauty? Who would like to wear it, it's the only one like it as far as I know in the UK, as for the world I couldn't be sure.
Now on the right I have a painting of a big cat..size wise it's 12"x10" and when I can find it.. another paintin or two of two more kitties. So here I am, having a clear out, selling some OK stuff for Spiky's and mine charity.'Cancer'. Take it away people. I have a pay pal account with some dosh in already. I would like to raise a fair amount of money, but I'm thinking anything will do, I know we're all in a recession. And as the little old lady said as she peed into the sea ' every little bit helps?' ;)



Friday, 16 April 2010

Watch this Space

OK folks, time for some more hard sell. I have some more goodies for sale, when I have got my ass into gear, I will have some pictures for you all. I have a mermaid for sale, some paintings for sale (not mine). If you like jewellery then you're in for a real treat. I have one piece of glass to hang around your neck.. it's real pretty too. It's a piece that was a present but I no longer require to hang it anywhere so for the highest bidder will receive it. 'AND' it is as far as I know the only one like it in the UK, but it came from New start savin ya hard earned pennies people and they could be yours, gift wrapped from me P&P paid for any of the items.. and for Spiky's charity 'cancer research'... yeah 'that' again. Told ya'all last time I got some selling to do and I aint givin up 'til I've hit my target. It's for a very good cause. We all know someone who has had the misfortune to have it or die from it. Sorry to be to the point, but I have to be. But for now I will say goodnight and have a lovely weekend, weather permitting I will be out on Spike my motorbike....

Thank you for takin time out to come see my blog



Wednesday, 14 April 2010


Rise .. fall.
Rise and fall,
press your
hand against
the flesh,
the cage of
my chest
that holds
gently this
heart, so
rise and
Rub gently
this organ
and thumb.
Gently, at
first. Ease
your digits
over the
trace the
heat, rise
rise and
fall. Pick
up the pace.
Tender little
clit, to
begin ..
soft, pliable.
Rub slightly
this gentle
bud out of
it's hood.
rise, rise
and fall then
rise again
and start
over. Pick
up the
pace. This
begins to
the feelin's
drivin me
rise n fall
rise and
fall, my
voice becomes
the cage
of which
my beating
heart lives
is beating
with such
pace. My
glance is
your fingers
dance, my
body cries
out for
more. Rise
and fall.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Tuesday's Poem - Every day

Tuesday follows
Monday, a day
for feeling
great, for the
day that
follows Tues-
day is full
of glorious
are in the middle
days, half way
there n back.
I like
cuz they're
next to
and we all
what that
day brings?
The long
which is
a time for
out n riding
my motorbike.
Spike is her
name. She
makes me
aint bad,
she always
does her
job. Slick
sexy chick,
my legs..
tight, legs
she's my babe
of a massive

Friday, 9 April 2010


Put your life
in my hands.
with untold
Give into
toward your
face open
mouth chase
my tongue.
Turn up the
some heat.
Lie back..
legs open,
heart on my
full of want.
To hell with
come get it.
Touch, pause
engage. Hands
fumble, fabric
of time ripped.
paramount. Kiss
my hand, trace
the outline..
nipple, pinch,
suck, roll.
Abundance is
imminent. Hold
'crash & burn'
lights out.

Thursday, 8 April 2010


Warm me in your hands.
Tenderise me with your
peel away the first
layer, then do all of
the above...
bite into my world,
take a piece of my
flesh.. spit it out
then start again..
until you have
totally undressed
me. Every inch of
what you
me. 100% real.
Not fake, make no
mistake, this is,
I am .....
I make the rules
I break them...
you obey me...
kiss my every
minute of every
day. This is my
world. So, now
I have your
I assume you want
to play? Undress
me again, but
this time with
your eyes wide
shut. Kiss my
tits and suck
on my butt..
delve deeper
and you might
just find...
this well
hidden lover
who knows how
to please...

Wednesday, 7 April 2010


Clothes left draped on the door.
Shoes.. scattered memories on
the floor. My heart left visible
on my sleeve. You told me you'd
never leave. Come on babe we've
been here before, remember last
time, what you said n how I
listened.. you haven't changed.
How come this time it's
different, what's changed? Do
you know no shame? I used to
believe in fairy tales but
not anymore, so remove
your clothes from of the
door, pack your case and
leave. I no longer feel
what I used to do, my
heart no longer sits on my
sleeve, it's hidden and
out of reach, it's under
cover. Move over, walk
away I have no energy
to scream n shout.
And when I've blinked my
eyes and wiped away dry
tears... I expect you
to have disappeared.
Go... walk away. I
will not cry and with
no regret, I curse
the day you ever walked
this way...into my life.
I was vulnerable, easy
pray. Like giving sweets
to a child. I'm wiser
now, stronger too. I
want normality to
resume. This house
is crowded, to many
memories, scattered
photos of the smiles
we left behind.

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Missing You

Tuesday's poem - dedicated to my friend Spiky.

You have left a message, of one I am
not sure. I think, I hope you won't be
long... and shortly you will return?
I miss your amazing ability to make
everyone including me.. smile.
I know in my heart that you will
be back, you've only gone for
a short while. Rest is what you
needed.. and rest is what you
shall get. The cyber space
is quiet without you there.
I hope and pray you will
return... one day.
Spiky you are unique, talented
through and through.. but never
forget, for wherever you be,
we all including me....
Love you. So remain away
relaxing, taking a break,
I hope you're OK? I hope
one day...I.. we.. will
see you writing your
wicked story's for us
your fan club to read.
Take care my friend..
T.T.F.N xx Indi xxx

Monday, 5 April 2010


I'm not feeling myself tonight.
I felt myself last night...
I sank my hand deep down
into my groin, rubbed for
a while, felt the heat
rise as my finger worked
it's little surprise.
The tip on my clit twitched
as I fumbled for the excite-
ment. My crack felt uncomfort
able as the fabric slipped.
From one hand to the other
I wanked my fuckin brain
away.... 'Oh My God....'
came the shout as my hand
all hot and sweaty did
I pull out. My body
convulsed this way and
that... my throbbing
aching body thrashing
about. My swollen
sticky twat......
So no I'm not feeling
myself tonight......
I did all that
last night !

Saturday, 3 April 2010

Chapter One - Debut

This was the first night I had waited for in what seemed forever, my nerve steady. I stepped out of the taxi smoothing down my skirt, pulling the hair out of my eyes. I wondered for the umpteenth time since leaving the hotel, just how much nerve I actually had to go through with this.. a smile crept across my face with a wicked thought in my head. Glancing over my shoulder then skipping across the road to the pavement on the other side. My breasts bounced as I jumped over a large puddle, ample cleavage, a sure distraction for passer by. I inhale, the cold night air stinging my lungs. I couldn't stop smiling whilst thinking about my new quest. My quest was to find some one, I have discovered the hidden world of S & M. I had often thought maybe my fantasies would stay just that... fantasy. I had found this tall elegant woman.. at our local library, she is studying art, I befriended her, I have posed for her on a couple of occasions. One day we got chatting, after I admired her leather trousers one day. It appears she is into S & M too... so maybe , just maybe we could get together?!
I am both excited and scared, I smiled inwardly knowing that tonight was going to be the start of something different but in a good way. I was on my way to a party, this being the culmination of my dreams, not to mention the mass of text messages to Tia about times for modelling, our friendship had over the months blossomed from friends to lovers. She is gorgeous... 6'1" with green eyes and rich Auburn hair. I found the address climbed the stairs...opened the door.. the room fell instantly silent. I froze on the spot, a shiver ran up my spine, my nipples springing to attention, a twitch in my labia. I scanned the room looking for Tia, and then I saw her. She was standing with her back to me. She was dressed from head to foot in tight black leather, heels so high I'd fall off them. The anticipation of the night to follow Had taken my nerves to another level. My heart rate had risen, I could feel myself getting warmer. Perspiration forming in tiny beads between my cleavage. I walked over to the group of women chatting. Tia swung around to greet me. I knew from this moment on I was going to be introduced into the world of S & M. I was led away to another room by four other women, my feet barely touched the floor. The sound of the room fading as I left. My mind went into over drive. Rules of engagement on the wall in front of me. I was pushed into the small room, told to strip and put the dress on. They slammed the door shut and told me to hurry. I looked around looking for a dress, expecting a fabric dress or something similar. On the back of the door was a 'chain' I took my clothes off, de-tangled the 'chain' dress, shuddered as I attempted to put it on.. god it was so cold. My fingers fumbled, my nerves getting the better of my excitement. The door flung open, the edge of it hitting me in the back, I stumbled forward. 'You ready slave?' Eyes widened my mouth fell open. They spun me around checking I had dressed for the occasion, hands slapped and stabbed finger nails prodded my flesh. I winced several times. 'She's ready' one woman said. I was marched back out of the small cubicle and back into the great hall way where I first started form ten minutes ago. Once again my entrance was met by a fallen hush. My mouth dry, my hands nervously twitching beside my body. Tia slowly walked over to me, I lowered my stare to the floor. 'Oh good, she's learned the rules.' 'Bend over slave I wish to examine your ass...' I felt ashamed of showing my shaven ass in front of a load of strangers, be it they were dressed in similar attire to Tia. The scent of all that black leather was making me dizzy. I leaned forward pushing my ass up and into the air. I felt myself blush. Tia walked around the back of me and with one long painted nail she traced the outline of my dress right down to the last link just above my sex. I so wanted to touch myself at this point but I knew that was not going to happen. 'Hmmm... not bad.. now stand up straight and place your hands behind your back.' I instantly knew I was going to be either tied up or cuffed. I was worried.. what if I needed to scratch my nose? A blind fold was also added. Plunged into darkness, my senses stolen from me. Hands touched my body, pinched my nipples... the urge to scream out abandoned me. I started to cry.. a sharp slap across my cheek stung. 'We don't allow tears slave, you are hear for OUR amusement tonight. You will do as we say and you will not protest.. do you understand?' I shook my head up and down, I spoke no words. 'Good..well done' another sharp slap cracked across my bottom, I winced. 'Right everybody let me introduce you to my new slave..' I heard a rapturous applause light the room. 'You will obey my orders, serve my needs, accept my dominance and pleasure my desires.' I again nodded. Even after all that had taken place so far tonight I felt nervous, excited but nervous.
The game then went up a level, I was placed on what can only be described as a table, on my back, my hands released from behind then tied above my head to a post at the top of the table. My legs were opened. My sex awakened and eager for some fingers.
'Aha here we have what can only be described as untidy.' I felt a hand brush roughly against my sex, I felt wet and very aroused. I was about to be humiliated in front of a group of strangers whilst being shaved. Tia's hand moved slowly over my neck, chest over my abdomen, my thighs, my Mons Venus. I shuddered with the thought of being stripped of my pubic hair. ' Slave when I said I wanted you to be naked... it meant totally naked... and I think you now know what that means don't you?' I nodded my head, swallowing hard. Rapturous applause filled the room. Laughter along with it. I don't know if it was the thought of being totally humiliated or pleasure that made me feel the way I felt...I so needed fucking, but I figured that's come much later. I know I want to explore my sexuality, now is that time. The first touch of the scissors on my pubic hair. I bit my bottom lip to keep from screaming. With each touch I felt myself getting wetter and wetter between my legs as Tia snipped away at her hair, using a razor for the very last few hairs from my groin. Her fingers dipping into my pussy every now and then just to tease me over the edge, knowing that I wouldn't, couldn't make a sound, as if I needed reminding! My body was on fire from the intimate contact of Tia's hand. Tonight was turning into a dream come true for me, I am usually a confident woman, in fact most people I work for envy me. But I have always felt I needed to give a part of me up for some one else, some thing was missing. A deep part of me needed to be trusted by another being, another woman...Tia. This woman who was shaving me, toying with me, was the woman I'd chosen to fulfil my fantasy. In a quiet voice I whispered 'Mistress?' That tiny wicked smile hiding from with in me crept across my expression, my eyes still shut, the heat rising in my sex. I had found my happiness.

Friday, 2 April 2010


Sleepless nights, scary dreams.
Feeling off colour or so it seems.
Not my usual girl, not being me..
as you can see I'm losing my head.
Lost all knowledge of who I am..
is this for real or is it a spam?
Easter is here, no chocolate
to eat, but I shall make up
with plenty red wine....
So for now I'd like to wish
you all a very.............
H*A*P*P*Y ~ E*A*S*T*E*R
And when I return I hope
to have found the lost
girl I call me. Love
and best wishes.......

Indi xxx

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Naked Truth

Naked Truth.
of how I used to look. Tall, slim, tattooed bum! Picture on my arm, a snake from which a past relationship spun. This is who I was and this is who I am. My hair is no longer long, short and to the point. This is me... who I some times like, but of late I have fallen out, with the inner soul. You see I'm lost, temporally out of control. People usually blame the weather, but I got a feeling of what's at fault.
The doctor has ordered a blood test to figure it out. So a little prick as the nurse stuck it in, I never look, I can't. Next week I should get the results and find out why I feel the way I do. Aching joints, swollen thumb, sleepless night and all.
We have had some crap weather what with cold fronts and isobars.. I had to thaw out my hands before I could attack the car. I have closed my window to the crowd that persistently ask the questions " what's up?" I grin, lower my chin and walk away. I'm done being nice, I have nothing to add... this painful condition is driving me mad. The doctor Say's it might be Arthritis Ostio or some thing? He then adds or it might or could be rheumatoid blah blah blah .. not sure, I wasn't listening, he wasn't talkin out loud. So I did my bit for red. No doubt tomorrow my arm will turn black.... I'm at work Easter Friday... what joy! I some times wish I'd been born a boy!! My appetite has fallen, half a stone has disappeared, I'm trying hard not to worry...blah blah blah...