Sunday, 18 May 2008
I've had an amazing 24 hours! Last night I had a fantastic night out with a woman who I've been best friends with for so long, but I fancy her to pieces. Today I've been out for a thrill of a ride on my motorbike. Washed and polished her, cooked n amazing dinner and got pissed on three glasses of cabinet wine, and still drinking. This isn't normal this is M&S food...hahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahah... or as I say this is S&M food!! It's an enormous feeling, of total euphoria. This feels foreign to me because I've felt so depressed just lately, anxious, panic attacks, is it my age? Go fucking knows but one minute I'm high as a kite and the next I'm thinking fuck life I've had enough! I need help I think. Or is the fact that I'm talented and can't come to terms with life? I read some where some time ago that the talented are more likely to have problems dealing with life itself than normal people who just live to work and breathe n work, full stop! So do I deliberate with the physic? do I continue to drink myself into oblivion or just get on with life? We tend to judge ourselves when infact we should live for the moment. A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer of the blood about three months ago, he spent 10 months in hospital......... He died yesterday. Alcohol lowers the senses, you can go from happy to sad in seconds..... I just did! Life is for living... live today as if it was your last. I'll be OK in the morning, will no doubt have forgotten about this conversation by tomorrow, may well think about what I've read and laugh at what I wrote.... I am after all only HUMAN!