What do I want for Christmas?

I know what I'd like for Christmas and it won't cost me a penny! This is some thing I've dreamed of for the last twenty years. The last twenty years being the last time I went to the hospital to have a problem sorted;but it wasn't sorted. I came away very disappointed, my world shattered. 'BUT' ... and there's always a but! I went to my doctor some months ago with a swelling in my left thigh area. I was sent immediately to A&E with suspected DVT deep vein thrombosis. This condition can be life threatening. I was lucky that time, I had some thing else called Thrombophlibitis, inflammation of the veins. Still bloody painful, but it wasn't going to kill me. I have had several trips to the same hospital I went to twenty years ago, they still say the same thing... 'no can do.' BUT ... and there's that but again.. I was sent to a different hospital in a different town, they did an examination, ultra sound and put me on a waiting list. A waiting list!!!!! So I can hear you asking what it is I want for Christmas and am having it.....
A new leg. Yes. On Christmas Eve this year at 7a.m I will be going to have my left leg sorted, my varicose veins burnt away. The hidious bulging mess that has prevented me from wearing shorts in the summer, going swimming for fear of people staring at me. You might think that sounds nasty and painful. It might well be but I need the operation and I'm getting a new leg for Christmas. I am one happy bunny!!

Out with the old and in with the new

I'd like to take this opportunity to say 'All the very Best ' for every body in blog land, to the people who I've come to know, the stories and poems I've come to read. I know that I haven't actually met all of you, even though I feel I already know you... The day is dawning, the eve shall soon be here, when we shall remember our friends and family who we have lost..
I'll raise a large glass of merriment to you all wishing you all the ' VERY BEST ' for the new year ahead. May all that you dream for become reality, may your health be good, the spirits protect you. May you always have love to share, health to spare and friends who care. Keep your heart safe and your friends, they don't come along every day, it takes a long time to grow an old friend. Be good to yourselves and others. Have respect for those around you. And when it eventually arrives..... I shall raise my glass high and wish you all

' A HAPPY NEW YEAR '

Only Human

I've had an amazing 24 hours! Last night I had a fantastic night out with a woman who I've been best friends with for so long, but I fancy her to pieces. Today I've been out for a thrill of a ride on my motorbike. Washed and polished her, cooked n amazing dinner and got pissed on three glasses of cabinet wine, and still drinking. This isn't normal this is M&S food...hahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahah... or as I say this is S&M food!! It's an enormous feeling, of total euphoria. This feels foreign to me because I've felt so depressed just lately, anxious, panic attacks, is it my age? Go fucking knows but one minute I'm high as a kite and the next I'm thinking fuck life I've had enough! I need help I think. Or is the fact that I'm talented and can't come to terms with life? I read some where some time ago that the talented are more likely to have problems dealing with life itself than normal people who just live to work and breathe n work, full stop! So do I deliberate with the physic? do I continue to drink myself into oblivion or just get on with life? We tend to judge ourselves when infact we should live for the moment. A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer of the blood about three months ago, he spent 10 months in hospital......... He died yesterday. Alcohol lowers the senses, you can go from happy to sad in seconds..... I just did! Life is for living... live today as if it was your last. I'll be OK in the morning, will no doubt have forgotten about this conversation by tomorrow, may well think about what I've read and laugh at what I wrote.... I am after all only HUMAN!

Some where over the Rainbow..

I talked yesterday about a beautiful rainbow I'd seen on the way to work, and the wish I'd asked for.. well I can tell you now what that wish was...To be happy for the day and believe it or not it worked. Today however was a different story! No colourful rainbow... so how did I survive? Amazingly enough, pretty well. I did have an accident mid afternoon but that was partially my own fault, and when the bleeding had subsided and when the swelling has gone down I'll be fine. I do believe that with my belief in wishing that I had a good day yesterday and stayed happy throughout is true testament of knowing that this is what I strive for. And if the weather doesn't throw rainbows at me when I'm feeling glum then it doesn't really matter, I've proved to myself that I 'can' be happy.

Make a wish...

On the way to work today I witnessed a beautiful rainbow lighting up the clouds, with an etching of the sun peering around from behind. So... I made a wish! And I can't tell you what I wished for otherwise it'd break my wish into a million pieces and it would rain forever... OK, so I got slightly carried away with the last sentence! I've had a lovely day at work, and believe me it's a different kind of job, unusual, so enjoying it IS hard for me or anyone. So what do I aim for? A rainbow every day? Because I don't hold my hopes out for that tall order, do you? I've obviously convinced myself that with just a few bright colours in the sky, a trick of the light, that I can have 'happy' days... Tomorrow will be the test for me, unless of course we do see another rainbow..! But I'm not going to pretend anymore with what I feel and how each day arrives. I'm starting to smile on the inside again. This feels good!!!!