Friday, 29 February 2008

Lost cause

OK... so I've given up bread for lent, god knows why, but I have, I've lost some weight in the process, not wanting to try and lose weight.. but I have! Can't give up fags, cuz I've done that and into my 5th month now. Can't give up chocolate cuz I can't eat it, I have an allergy to it..shit happens! Anyway I've been really good just lately cuz I haven't self harmed!!! AND that for me is a major break through, so I'm raising my glass to myself ...'Mmmm' this red wine's got a sexy body, velvety and smooth. I'm turning over a new leaf so to speak. I feel emotionally drained instead. Why? Well I'm not quite sure but I put it down to over load. My brain has been starved of attention from the adrenaline rush I felt from cutting..please don't judge me. Unless you know me and can relate to my problems then please DONOT judge me. I feel most vulnerable when I've had a drink, but with the help and guidance of several good friends who visit my blog, and they know who they are...'Thank you' to you. I shall endeavor to follow my new found path of a clean living, terminology used for ex- druggies-users-cutters etc;etc;etc.
I will be taking part in the race for life challenge in May of this year to raise much needed funds for Cancer research.. I had retired from running, but this is my new quest, to dust off my running shoes and take to the roads to train, for the ones who weren't so lucky. So you see there is a reason for carrying on, making the most of what I have, and for a 5k run I hope to raise a load of dosh.. I have already got sponsors for over £100.00. They say money isn't everything, but in this case it sure as hell helps, although I'd much rather have the people back, my family and friends who've died. This makes my problems melt in to insignificance, but because I can't diminish them that easily, I can fall back on my raising cash for a good cause.


nitebyrd said...

A cancer support run! How freakin' awesome of you! (((hugs))) I'm told that running or intense exercise can give you an adrenaline rush do maybe this new/old endeavor will replace the harm with good.

You're doing so fantastic! Oh, btw, I couldn't give up bread. Lord knows I love my carbs. How great you must feel! :)

Indigo said...

Yes I'm looking forward to coming out of retirement re;running. I get a huge adrenaline rush, as I did when I completed the 1996 London marathon, totally emotional, I burst into tears as I got over the finishing line. and for a cause that is close to my heart.;-)