Saturday, 16 February 2008

The first step is the hardest...

I've spent most of my life trying to please every body, from parents to brothers and sisters..teachers to friends and even trying to fit in with the bad people at school, trying to be one of the gang... but it never seemed to work. I was beaten up on several occasions. I tried to do things the wrong way at school, didn't work either.. so I gave up! My parents weren't happy with my attitude either which made me rebel even more, and so the vicious circle started. I guess now I've grown older I'm still trying to please, you'd have thought I'd have learnt my lesson by now... oh no not me! You see my problem seems to be that when I'm given a project to do , I give my very best effort 100% always have.. and when people wanted to hear some thing, I told them what they wanted to hear, regardless of whether or not it was true, thinking that it would make them love me even more.. well at least begin to like me at least. That wasn't always the case, I never lied about who I fell in love with. A new found friend of mine, who lives across the sea in America told me once that I had to learn to really love myself... and I guess in a way that's where I've been going wrong all these years, trying to love every one I came in contact with, forgettin the real me. I should love myself for who I am, putting myself first then thinking about what other people want... easier said than done. So what is my next step? Hmm... not sure how I start to love some thing that for the past forty or so years has been the joke that every one has laughed at, or that's how it feels. So if you people out there in blog land know what I should do and how I should go about loving myself then please show me the way, because I haven't the fuckest idea where to start!!

6 comments:

nitebyrd said...

Start by realizing you are unique. Why do you want to "fit in?" Revel in the fact that you are different. Wonderfully, creatively, thoughtfully, fantastically - DIFFERENT! You need to take that first baby step and be happy that you aren't a clone or automaton. Don't be ashamed or sad, be true to yourself.

You know you've got your first cheerleader, right here! ;-)

Anyone who wants to change your mind, body or ideas, is someone you don't need anymore. Yeah, that's hard as hell but if you're going to love yourself as you are then the ones that want you to be something else, aren't good for you.

Once you start on your journey, people that like what they see, hear and feel about you will find you.

Indigo said...

I thought yesterday that I had to set myself a task, I'd done the London Marathon so that's no longer on the list. THIS is my next task and I know with all my heart that I can do it..So give me a H give me a A GIVE ME a P P Y, this what I yearn for, thank you for guiding me to the starter post..;-)You're good at this..!

nitebyrd said...

GO, GET IT, GIRL!!! You can do it!

Jackie Adshead said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Indigo said...

Thankyou nitebyrd I think I'm starting to believe in myself at last

Indigo said...

Thank you Jackie for your thoughtful kind words. I know who these people are and know where to find them... I guess the rest will follow?!