Trust

I have to gain your trust.
I can't feel anything from
my waist downwards right
now. My leather jeans are
stuck. Pain gathers momentum
whilst the slightest of
movement penetrates my
brain telling me not
to move..wait for the
ambulance to arrive..
The young police woman
stares at my legs..
I hold tight her hand,
my eyes become blurred.
I need to pee. The sound
of sirens deafen me.. like
fireworks on new year's
eve. I close my eyes
and inwardly with
power and determination
repeat 'the Lord's prayer.'
Our father who art in
heaven... darkness fell
that day. I've been in
another universe. I can't
get used to the wheels
on my chair. I tried
a wheelie yesterday,
with the whole ward
watchin with baited
breath.. I regained
my trust, but I know
it'll take me a lot
longer to trust my
nerve. That light
at the end of
the tunnel? I felt
the heat from the
bulb, I turned the
light back on.
Death will not
take me away,
not just yet.
When I am feelin
brave, I fill the
bath with hot water
sit and stare at
the scars..they
will not repair.
I have no feelings
my legs are dead.
My head still aches
for the bike I know
in my heart I will
never ride again.