Friday 13 August 2010

Weakness

Today I had a chat with a long time friend. She had no idea I am Gay. She soon found out. She didn't judge me, she was very comforting. We discussed my present situation with my mouthy self centered daughter. She gave me some tips on how to approach my husband. She could also see from how upset I was that if I didn't do some thing, say some thing soon... I would and still might be heading for a nervous break down. So tonight I had a quiet chat with my husband, I kept my voice low. I had no plans of letting tears flow down my face, but it happened anyway. I told him I hadn't been happy for a long time, that I'd been feeling very low-depressed even. I told him that he needs to put our daughter in her place. How can I grow with out his strength behind me. I also told him that I will go to the doctors if I don't improve, does he want me taking Valium? We/ I spoke quietly, voice trembling, tears running.. I think it is a start. I did mention however that should she not improve I will pack her bags and I will throw her out. I am not a violent woman, I would be mortified should she drive to the point of I actually struck her. I can't abide violence of any kind, regardless of how far to the edge I may arrive. I feel relieved in a way but I am sticking to my guns. I said that when she can show me respect I will give it. Simple I would have thought... for a lawyer, not rocket science. The phone rang tonight, I had turned my mobile phone off, the house phone rang, it was her, needing a lift home at some ungodly hour in the morning... I will not be going to collect her. I have made my point, my husband had no idea I was feeling so depressed. I said my piece and left the room. Sitting on the leather couch, he came and sat with me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I haven't been well of late.. I have been up and down so much I've got sea sickness. David at work thinks I'm Bipolar... I may well be. I'm not a hipacondriact either, contrary to what folk might say, for those who say these things, are not my friends. I haven't had a cigarette in just over two weeks, my final attempt at giving up... it's not been easy but I hope I'm getting some where now.

8 comments:

UBERMOUTH said...

of course you're not a hypochondriac and if anyone should say so ,get up and leave the room!

That's great that you're taking a stand. She can taxi it home or get home at a decent hour.

Good for you,Indi. DON'T EVER FORGET YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF YOUR CASTE and if she does not abide the Queen's rules she has to go find her OWN castle.

I am pleased that your hubs is listening. But remember you have survived a lot and you ARE very strong.Now RULE YOUR KINGDOM!

The Bipolar Diva said...

You did an awesome thing! She has to have boundaries and realize that there are real, solid consequences to her actions.

I'm so glad you had that talk with your husband. You have me crying now.

The Savage said...

Again I loves ya... You'll be in my thoughts and prayers Indi...

Indi said...

UBS ~ A Queen ? Me ? Well I knew the Queen of England is my land lady, but I didn't realise I would be related! I have to take it steady, my felings have been trodden upon for so long, I'm fragile..apprently! Thank you

Indi

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Indi said...

The Bipola Dive ~ I haven't done crying myself yet. I feel like I've just survived a crash.. been there, it wasn't nice .. I remember crying constantly for months.. I didn't have councelling then either.. maybe I should have. It's like grieving.. does'that make sense? I can be strong in some areas of life.. but I need strength to regain mine. Sorry I made you cry, but we are in some ways so alike. Thank you

Indi

x

Indi said...

Savvy ~thanks hun, I needs all the prayers I can get right now

Indi

xx

Bella said...

Am sending positive thoughts and big hugs your way. I know that was so difficult to have that talk but I'm glad you did and that he listened to you. ((((hugs)))

Indi said...

Bella ~ It was a very intense conversation... I have to admit I was very nervous.. but I kept my nerve... I think it was a success, we'll ahve to see, I opened his eyes to a few issues he wasn't aware of. Thank you, I need as many hugs as I can get right now, I still feel shell shocked.

Indi


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