Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Hurting

OK so I wrote a crap post earlier. I have things on my mind at the moment. Life isn't all roses right now. I have a 24year old daughter who loves to throw knives at me. Well not actual knives but they may as well be. One liners that really hurt. I also have a husband who I have come to believe that although he is of the 'male' species he has neither balls or back bone! He never sides with me when she is rude and vulgar, he never tells her of as not to talk to me in that way. He appears to think that I can fight my own battles. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I am slowly cracking up here. Tonight I came home after an 8 hour shift, I cleaned the house, some thing that I rarely do, well no that's wrong, I do when I have the energy. She walks in, sits down and says 'my god you've actually cleaned up.'To which I replied 'well no one else is going to bother.' I get no help from her or her 22 year old brother and the man of the house is fucking useless too. So at this present moment in time I am feeling very low. I have to also add that yes I did give birth to 'her' and if I had known she was going to turn out this way I would have insisted he use a fucking CONDOM!! I have to control my replies as 'she' usually has some thing to answer back with. I will not be leaving her anything in my last will and testament. I have left the building. I do hurt and it is a waist of time me even having this conversation with the so called 'man' of the house as I said before he has no balls or back bone.!!
One of these days I will take a swing at her for sure. I don't do violence but I can be pushed only so far... it's going to happen. My best friend says that I am not a bad mother but I have a bad daughter who is so full of herself, selfish, self centered and mouthy... quite the ingredients for a 'lawyer?'!
I look forward to the day when she leaves home, I will break In make a meal and trash the place..pay back time!! She never does this to her Dad, remember the male with no balls or back bone? OH no he's MR. goody goody. He's the one with the answers to the car won't start, my tank is empty, I have no money, I can't afford to do this, can you lend me some money? As Dad's do but I appear to be the monster, the same monster who washes her clothes, collects her at 1a.m when she's drunk and missed her taxi, the one who washes her best frock when she's puked down it, the same monster who cooks and cleans... the very same monster who stands there after a hard days work and gets verbal shit thrown at her....excuse me but where exactly am I going wrong? Apart from still living under the same god damn fucking ROOF!!!

30 comments:

Beryl said...

She would so get nothing from me. No words, no help. If she is so dissatisfied with her life, she can grow the fuck up and move out, and see how long she lasts abusing someone else like that.

Holy shit. This really pisses me off.

Huge hugs, mama.

Beryl

nitebyrd said...

You're not a bad mother, you're too good of a mother. Let her clean up, do the washing and cook. She should be helping around the house at her age. Also, give her a smack across the mouth next time she gets smart with you. She deserves it!

xl said...

Different issues, but the situation with the ex and daughter were very much like that for me as well.

No words of wisdom or advice, just empathy.

Christiejolu said...

I am sorry...That sucks...I am glad my little girls are still little...My mother and I have never had a good relationship..but I always had respect...She needs to get some!

Beryl said...

I'm sorry I lipped off, mama. I just can't believe she could be that disrespectful. My mama bear slipped out. Just hate that you were hurt like that. Grrrrr.

xox Beryl

The Savage said...

I wish I had some cheery advice but having no kids of my own I don't know what to say.
Lotsa love your way and none for her from me...

UBERMOUTH said...

'I have a bad daughter who is so full of herself, selfish, self centered and mouthy... quite the ingredients for a 'lawyer?'!'

I feel your pain but it was written with such finesse I DID laugh.

Indi she loves you of course, she just isn't old enough yet to APPRECIATE you. That does not come until much later.

But your husband should insist she respect you and stop enabling her!
I agree with Beryl. I htink the time has come to tell her she needs ot move out now,that this is your fucking hoem and you're not going to be treated so abusively in your home by some snot nose whose diapers you had to change not that long ago.
To still be able to live at home at 23 is a luxury,no longer a child's right beyond 18.

UBERMOUTH said...

In fact, I'd kick everyone out,including 'No Balls'

Spiky Zora Jones said...

oh honey...this is a problem that you must resolve on your own. We as readers don't know all of the particulars of what is behind each charcater's actions.

I do feel for you my friend. No one should be miserable at home. It's the place a person should want to go to.

I know you will work through things...just use your heart to guide you and belive in yourself. Be strong and be brave and don't give up.

later sweetie. (((HUGs))) going your way bella. xxx

Indi said...

Beryl~ I've had this verbal abuse before and when I utterly refuse to even acknowledge her she eventually realises some things wrong.. or at least I think she does. Last night when I wrote this I was ready to pack and leave myself. No balls is like a ostrich, he sticks his head in the sand hoping the problem will disappear... thanks anyway

Indi

x

Indi said...

nitebyrd ~ it's easy to say that but she is so full of herself, she doesn't like getting her hands in dirty water when washing pots, so one day I produced a pair of rubber gloves, she did however wash her pots. I wil rise above slappin her, viloence never solves anything, but I would love to slap no balls!! thanks hun,

Indi

xx

Indi said...

xl ~ it stinks eh?

Indi

xx

Indi said...

Christiejolu ~ She having a bad time at her job, she wanted to be a lawyer... her problem not mine. She came out with a one liner once and said, couldn't I get a better job than cleaning? That day I nearly killed her..cheaky cow. One day I'm goin to lose my temper I just know it. Maybe that's waht's missing? Maybe that's the missing link? Thank you

Indi

xx

Indi said...

Berl ~ don't worry mama... I can't talk to my mama she has the same problem, they don't visit their grandparents often enough... I keep tellin them, but then I get grief of my parents!!

Indi

xx

Indi said...

Savvy ~ Thank you my friend... I could do with a hug right now... I won't be nice to her for a long time, she might in that selfish head of hers some who actually realise this, but I don't hold my breath..

Indi

xxx

Indi said...

UBS ~ That actually does make sense as for the husband part, I got more chances of platting fog!

Indi

xx

Indi said...

UBS ~ It's never that simple, he owns the fuckin house

Indi

xx

Indi said...

Spiky ~ Yeah follow my heart or guide my fist? As the days pass I will calm down but she has this ability to mould me.. then she'll be nice and then out of the blue 'WHACK' she goes it again. I'm not for harsh words, a fault on my half eh? He however is fuckin useless some times, I have to pre warn him, get him on my side... then open the flood gates to rebelion.... not the way forward me thinks. Thanks anyhow, much appreciated all your help. I will keep ou posted...

Indi


xxx

Boonsong said...

Wow! Are you ever having a rough time! I really do hope things start to come right for you.

All the best, Boonsong

蕙陳春宗陳穎 said...

It is never too late to learn.......................................................................

Indi said...

Boonsong ~ Thank you, I hope so too

Indi

x

Indi said...

Oriental person ~ you are so right with that one! Thank you

Indi

UBERMOUTH said...

By law you own half,Indi, you're not there by his grace and favour.

I can't believe your daughter mocked your job.You are bieng mentally/verbally abused in your own home.

I was out of the house at 19 and paying bills and rent. Even though I longed to go to university, I had to wait 3 years and then work fulltime whilst I went to school.

She is very lucky to even still be allowed to live at home and maybe that needs to change???

Indi said...

UBS ~ I had a chat with the sad bastard ( my other half) tonight, he says I just have to ignore her, there's nothing I can do. You know I've come along way spiritually in the past twelve months. Today I found a piece of broken glass , I almost thought about cuttin up again... it can be that easy.. I didn't cut up but I wanted to. Thta's how fuckin unhappy I feel right now... I had a chat with the so called ma of the house tonight... I told him I didn't think he had balls let alone a back bone, he just got up and walked away, he's in denile! I? I give up......... next time she has a go ... I fear I will slap her across the face, violence goes against the grain, it would destroy me If I knew I had hit some one. Some body some where needs help.... I can't decide who that person is..... I'v had a vast amount of wine, I have a razor blade with me.... I think I need the fucin HELP!!!

Ind


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxox

The Bipolar Diva said...

I'm so sorry that you have to endure that. I'm not really sure what else to say but that I'm sorry.

Little ol' Me said...

It's amazing how much love you can shower your children with and they are blind to it. They forget so easily, and they hurt us because they know our weaknesses.

You sound frustrated, and hurt. I'm sorry. I wish I had the right words to offer comfort.

I'm a single mom of four. I just recently wrote a post about this overwhelming urge I have to just run away.

But we are mothers. We don't run, we take it all in and come back for more.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Indi said...

The Bipola Diva ~ thanks...


Indi

x

Indi said...

Little ol' me ~ I have the urge to run away and never come back, but we are mothers, we are the punching bag, we take the crap... as for the fathers... they more often than not bury their heads in the sand! This one does... I want to win the lottery so I can just fuck off out of this shit place, build my own dreams.... got more chance of plattin fog! I will come visit your blog later, but for now I have to go work, a place where I can escape or not, it's a prison;)

Indi ~ thank you

xx

viemoira said...

I'm sorry you're going through this! Parenting can be so thankless! HUGS!!

Indi said...

viemoira ~ Thank you, it didn't say this in the book on how to be a parent. Did I have the wrong edition?

Indi

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