Weakness

Today I had a chat with a long time friend. She had no idea I am Gay. She soon found out. She didn't judge me, she was very comforting. We discussed my present situation with my mouthy self centered daughter. She gave me some tips on how to approach my husband. She could also see from how upset I was that if I didn't do some thing, say some thing soon... I would and still might be heading for a nervous break down. So tonight I had a quiet chat with my husband, I kept my voice low. I had no plans of letting tears flow down my face, but it happened anyway. I told him I hadn't been happy for a long time, that I'd been feeling very low-depressed even. I told him that he needs to put our daughter in her place. How can I grow with out his strength behind me. I also told him that I will go to the doctors if I don't improve, does he want me taking Valium? We/ I spoke quietly, voice trembling, tears running.. I think it is a start. I did mention however that should she not improve I will pack her bags and I will throw her out. I am not a violent woman, I would be mortified should she drive to the point of I actually struck her. I can't abide violence of any kind, regardless of how far to the edge I may arrive. I feel relieved in a way but I am sticking to my guns. I said that when she can show me respect I will give it. Simple I would have thought... for a lawyer, not rocket science. The phone rang tonight, I had turned my mobile phone off, the house phone rang, it was her, needing a lift home at some ungodly hour in the morning... I will not be going to collect her. I have made my point, my husband had no idea I was feeling so depressed. I said my piece and left the room. Sitting on the leather couch, he came and sat with me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I haven't been well of late.. I have been up and down so much I've got sea sickness. David at work thinks I'm Bipolar... I may well be. I'm not a hipacondriact either, contrary to what folk might say, for those who say these things, are not my friends. I haven't had a cigarette in just over two weeks, my final attempt at giving up... it's not been easy but I hope I'm getting some where now.

Lucky Escape

For some considerable time now I've been feeling some what low! Not sure about how I've been feeling this way but I've come to the conclusion it's either an iron deficiency or the lack of hormones!! Either way I'm gettin on with dealing with it... HOW?? Alcohol!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm startin to get a liking for red wine. For years I didn't ever drink it, I'm hooked on it now... to the point of nearly every night I look forward to a drink with my dinner. Well tonight I'm well n truly trollied! Although I'm bordering on almost sober, due to the almost good typing.. without too many mistakes. Tonight however took a turn for the worst... not to go too much into detail, I've been very pissed. I'm startin to think I have a problem? Tonight I've drank almost a whole bottle of some nice red bird, er... bottle! I've had a good day at work although I'm hung over in love with several women... several? yeh! I like to keep my options open, not that they even know I even exist! I'm rambling now... SO why and what am I talking about. Too be totally honest I'm not really sure, like I said earlier I've kinda lost the reality on life just lately. Tonight I came so god damn close to getting a sharp implement and doing some major damage. I tried so fucking hard to control my destiny... I tried so fucking...........................................................! Yeah am back again, sorry, hey shit... no! I'm not apologising for no one, I gotta get through this my way... how? I have no idea, but I can't go back to my old ways, I can't.... I nearly did tonight but it was a lucky escape for sure.................................