Saturday, 24 October 2009
I've been feeling out of sorts just of late. I don't really want to discuss it just yet because I have to discuss it with some one else first. This problem I have has been eating away at my soul for some time now. Time being of a length of months that could possibly have run into years without me actually realising it. Some thing that I've tried to brush under the carpet thinking it'd go away or I was imagining it. Is my mind so full of hurt that I've got the two confused? I have several issues that each time I think about how I'm going to execute them, I get wound up and even more so angry. I need to down load this unhappy emotion otherwise it'll make me one sad lady who will worry the rest of her life, and I'm not about to waist any of that on anyone. But it's not as easy as that, it never is! I need to write a letter, a hand written letter , explaining how it's come to be this way. For once in my life I know I can do this, I have to be strong, I am in control. Like I said I can't give to much away until I've written the letter. I wouldn't normally write this kind of a post but I'm looking for constructive advice.. of which I know I'll get of my friends out there in cyberspace. I have a very good friend at work who sends me advice via E mail, she chats with me at work, she's putting me on the right track...... but her job is counselor. It's always good to have some one out side of the situation who can take a fresh look, without taking sides. Some years ago I went to see a counselor who wound me up so much I snapped, she was found later to be 'not' doing her job and she was sacked, I never went back for round two after that, but my friend has to deal with real fucked up people, the kind behind bars, so my problems are superficial in comparison, but not for me. I need to sort this out, for my state of mind. Now it might go smoothly but it might also go 'tits' up so I have to prepare myself for the inevitable, but I hope that doesn't happen, it'd be a shame if it did happen. I shall have to see. Write from the heart as that is where this all started from.