Saturday, 20 February 2010

Ashamed

Today I learnt some thing that I guess I already knew but had slipped from the front of my mind. My daughter and I have been getting along better than in the past. Whether or not it's because she's grown up due to the fabulous job she's just managed to land with the best law firm in the UK. Any how she'd had a fall out with her boyfriend so decided to take it out on me..nothing new there then, but I have broad shoulders so I can cope with the verbal abuse! But should she ever decide to 'lamp' me one, I'd never give it a second thought to knock her lights out!
Any how she has a male friend who has decided to join the firm that I work for.. the Prison service.. yeah you guessed it.. where I actually work. She then told me that she has concerns that he may put two and two together and figure out that his friend (my daughter) has a 'gay' mother. So I have come to believe she is and has always been 'ashamed' of me?! Like I said earlier I have broad shoulders so I can take it. I can't imagine how I would feel if I found out my Mother was gay. Looking in on the situation from a different angle I don't know the answer to this. My daughter is 24 soon, a grown woman (still my little girl) I have no intention of broadcasting my sexuality at work, I did that just before Christmas last year.. she thinks just a couple of my friends know this fact about me. I didn't tell her the whole truth ( I have so many secrets) my head could blow at any moment! Any way I feel that this has nothing to do with her, chances are that once her male friend figures out how tough it is working in a Prison, long shift patterns, danger and all the shit that goes with the job, I'm guessing he won't be there long enough to figure anything out about anyone. AND if he does decide to stay then, I guess she'll have to grow up some more! I some times feel like I'm doing time for a crime of passion but haven't actually committed any 'crime!' Life's a bitch then ya wake up n realise it wasn't a dream after all!!!!!!

16 comments:

BamaTrav said...

Gay or not, you did invite me to join in with you and Spiky, fun fun, till daddy takes the T-Bird away. ;)

Indigo said...

BT ~ And the invite still stands so go get ya coat yav pulled...twice !

NK said...

Prejudice must be that much harder when coming from a loved one. i can't imagine. One day I will know. One day my truths will be revealed and I will have to have those strong shoulders to bear the weigh of their disapproval. But until that day I get to revel in the truths I have admitted to myself, the freedoms I have from excepting who I am.

Indigo said...

NK ~ yeah I guess. She' has known about me before I got the bottle to actually tell her, was I so obvious? Must have been! I have found myself but I still tread careully, for the land mines are still evident. Thank you

phallatio said...

So sorry to hear that. A homophobic lawyer? Wow! How does she do her job?

Indigo said...

phallatio ~ Apparently she hasn't come across any of us yet! Would be interesting if her first case was of a gay couple who were filing for divorce... I'd buy tickets for that one!

Steel Horseman said...

By the time they are in their 20s, most people are grown up enough to accept that not everyone is the same. I think if he learns you are his friend's mom, and gay, he probably won't think it a big deal.
Of course, since she is so close to you emotionally, it will always be a kind of a big deal to her.

Meagan said...

Here we are in the year 2010 and people still actually care what, and who you love? Whathafuck is that all about!! As long as you’re happy, secure and respectable of self, it is the individual(s) that has the issues, insecurities, whether it’s your daughter or not! We can love our children, but cannot let them dictate or provoke guilt to live by the standards or love who they want us to.

This hits a really soft spot with me because of the relationship my son and mother have with my husband! In all honesty they wouldn’t be upset if he vanished off the face of the earth, but that’s another story and this isn’t about me LOL. Love your daughter and stay in love with yourself!

Kisses/Hugs’
Meagan

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Indigo-go girl: Hi baby...sorry to hear about the hassels at home.

roll with the punches babe...that's what you have to do but don't be ashamed of who yo are...you are real and you are wonderful.

This gal at work said she heard a rumor...that I was queer. I said "No, for realz?" She said "Yeah" "OMG!" I said...as I laughed. "Just wait till my girlfriend hears this one...she'll laugh her head off." I then smiled and walked away. "Tah-tah."

It's easier for me for many reasons.

wishing you well sweetie. xxx

Indigo said...

Steel Horseman ~ Yes you have got it in one. If I wan't her mpther she wouldn't give a ****. I do understand, but it hurts me too. Thank you

Indigo said...

Meagan ~ You are so right there. I would not and have never told my parents (I wouldn't have the nerve) to tell my parents how to live, not that they have a problem with their marriage or anything. I won't be told how to live n love, as I haven't loved for a long while..lets not go there eh?! She I think is ashamed of me and or the fact that her dad didn't know, he's always known, I told him from the beginning, he's an adult too, but a Virgo... easy going. I think I've digressed a little but I get you message thank you

Indigo said...

Spily ~ Pretty much every one at work knows who I am, they don't give a shit either. I am proud of ME.. 100% proud, any one who doesn't agree with that n my priciples can go fuck 'em selves. They aint worth the paper they are written on. They are scum! ME? I am fabulous..funny..I give great tongue!!!!! Might put that on my CV? What ya think Spiky? ;)))xxx

Secretia said...

Any one who isn't living a "crime of passion" hasn't really lived yet!

Secretia

Indigo said...

Secretia ~ Damn right honey. Tell it how it is


Indi x

UBERMOUTH said...

Never let your daughter make you feel ashameed for being you. She should be very proud.

Indigo said...

UBS ~ she used to make me feel the lowest of the low, but not now... honestyl ;).I am proud of who I am... and I will be even prouder tomorrow, I'm another year older ..