Silence is golden, my mind is clear from all the traffic that has travelled through it the past eight years. Tomorrow is at the back of my thoughts, I've found a remedy for the knowing and not wanting to know... it's called red wine and plenty of it. I am in a dangerous mood at this present moment in time... but I think I'm in control... going out for a fag in a minute. I feel so in control I feel I want to cry! Or do I want to cry because I'm not really in control? I am watching a recording of 'Queen' at the moment, that in itself can make me very emotional...! I was told once to live my life so that I was satisfied, my dear Grandmother told me just that... bless her she died at the grand age of 96 of dementia. I remember going to say my good byes when she was close to dying... you can't get more raw emotion than that, she passed away three weeks later.
I am trying to come to the terms in the body that I live, I have a bloody vein in my left leg, I must have scratched it in my sleep... this is not good BUT and I just love waiting for the 'BUT' I'm counting down my days to the Eve of Christmas when I eventually after twenty years... get the operation to have them mended. I can't wait, I also look forward to get this damn awful tattoo on my right arm covered...SORRY............................'SORRY' I'm having a panic attack!! I'm getting rid of all the shit that still haunts me...Fuck!!!!!!!! Sharp knives apart...
I'm losing the plot again... what was I on about? Oh yeah sharp knives.. ;))))))).
Exhaustion can play a big part in emotions can't it? I've had a fun filled weekend in rainy Wales, driven through deep floods, waded through shin deep flood water in my stockin feet with my trousers up above my knees!! Great fun. Breathe taking scenery, friendly people and lovely food. Done over 400 miles and enjoyed every inch of the way. So why do I feel like I wanna die? Only joking folks... it's the wine swimming round my head 'BUT' let me tell you that 'Silence is Golden.'