Elation

OK today I faced my fears. I went to the Breast clinic for a mammogram. It hurt.. but I expected it would... I swore... I knew I would! I apologised after using the 'f' word... I have manners. I went in just before my appointment and sat in the waiting room. I was the only one there at that time, but the room soon filled up with unsuspecting patients of all ages and sizes. My name was eventually called. I was shown a small carpeted room, told to stay there and the doctor would soon be in to see me. The walls were plastered with diagrams of breasts. Information about cysts and other problems. About five minutes later the door opened and a shortish well dressed man walked in and introduced himself as Mr. Rogers the consultant. He sat down and preceded to read my notes. I was nervous to say the least. I had sweaty palms and a dry mouth. He then asked me if I knew why he wouldn't do my varicose veins? The reason he asked this was because he is the consultant for the Breast clinic and the Varicose vein clinic that I attended earlier in the year. This was the first time I'd actually met the man, at this point I didn't tell him I'd gone to another hospital and was having them done in three weeks time! He told me to strip off all my clothes above my waist and lie on the couch.. this I did. He had warm hands and as to ease my nerves I commented him on this, but he didn't smile!
He did however notice the ugly snake tattoo on my right arm and ask me 'what was the meaning of this?' I paused and replied...'it's a long story!' Like it was any of his god damn business anyway!! He couldn't find the cyst but said I'd have the mammogram anyway just to make sure. I still wasn't convinced I was in the clear. Any how the nurse was very good at trying to lever my breast from my body on to a cold slab and proceed to squash it... at that point tears formed in my eyes and I swore at her!!
If you've ever had one of these then you'll understand where I'm coming from! Four times this happened two on each breast. I dressed again and went back into the waiting room which by this time was over flowing with women.. and the occasional screaming child. Flicking through year old magazines not really reading them just checking the page numbers and glancing at the pictures, my name's called out and I find myself in the previous small room. I'd been at the Breast clinic just over two hours and was getting rather hot n bothered, but judging by the colour of the sky outside I would soon cool off when I left the building. Dark skies were forming, rain was on the way. Mr. Rogers was accompanied by a nurse this time... which made me slightly uneasy.. he explained that every thing had gone well.. every thing was fine and the reason I was suffering with a painful breast was due to A. my age
B. lack of hormones & C. I'm in the category of 'painful breasts.' Some women get these problems and I'm one of them. He wrote down the things I can do to self aid this. Cut out caffeine, take oil of evening primrose capsules 320mgs a day for the next twelve months, reduce chocolate intake (I never eat the stuff,) take Ibuprofen for the pain, wear a firm bra (of which I already do). So all that unnecessary worrying has worn me out. BUT .... if we/I didn't worry about some thing that is so close to my heart (literally) I wouldn't be human. I thanked the doctor and proceeded to shake his hand. Yes I am going to live... YES I am so going to have a large glass of wine tonight... YES! YES! YYYYYYYYYYYYYESSSSSSSSSS I'm happy. I'm still in some conciderable discomfort but I now know that it's not dangerous and I'm not going to need surgery, I'm not going to die young.... 'OH MY GOD!' I so want to jump up and down with joy but I can't my breast still feels like it's been ripped off and used a a football and put back on!!I'd like to thank all my friends out there in blog land for supporting me and giving me hope, helping me to understand. You were there with me today Secretia & Spiky, I don't know if you heard me but I spoke to you both quietly under my breath. I am totally 'Elated.'