Saturday, 27 August 2011

Random ramblings of desperate depressionist!!!!

Even though I haven't had one juicy ( terribly missed ) glass of any kind of alcohol in the last three weeks...almost.. my dreams are very colourful, vibrant and surreal! When I did drink.. my dreams became almost scary... but not to the point of waking up scary. Last night I dreamt I was lost whilst out on my motorbike and I managed to drop her not one but three times... and without loss of ability to pick her up again. So you can imagine that when I got up this morning and found the weather to be ideal for riding my Yamaha FZ8, I was slightly nervous... to say the least! I did have a near death experience last week when following a car at roughly 70mph, he decides to stop thus slamming on his brakes... 'I' slammed on mine too, which.... sent my back wheel into the locking position and my front wheel then wobbling erratically whilst 'I' tried my best to stay on.... it was fuckin scary, and I left a long black rubber line where my tyre skidded on the tarmac.. but I survived to ride another day. I have had one or two surreal episodes since taking the medication... and wonder if it is in fact the medication that has sent my mind into over drive.... alas my body has not followed and still feel constantly tired!! My first hour with the councillor last Tuesday was one I shall not forget in a hurry.... I have three more appointments to come.... and she will be giving me home work.... I have some more questions for her myself so I expect it to get very heated in there.... I just hope I can eventually find my inner peace and have a fricken drink of wine to celebrate my triumph.



But do you feel better,Indi?
That's the main thing. :)

Anonymous said...

Was I in any of them? *blink blink*

Indi said...

UBS ~ I have my ups quickly followed by these heavy downs!! One day I'm so happy it fricken hurts, then I feel ill with feeling so rejected by my own feelings... but I've been told to continue with meds as round about the 3 month mark (if I haven't gone crazi without drinkin booze) it should start to kick in!!!! APPARENTLY.... won't hold my breath then!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Indi said...

BT ~ that would be telling ;-P