Thursday, 4 August 2011

Blurry eyed

Lost in this dark ses pit of life.
Cold and alone... crying eyes..dried.
Blurry vision.. palpitations..fear
of the not knowing...panic attacks.
The first step is to admit, first to
yourself you require help.. that is the
first step, I took that step last week,
I had a chat with my sister Cindy in
Canada... she's been through what I'm
not feeling right now.. I have lost
myself in this world.. my feelings
are in turmoil.. I cry.. I shout,
I'm here for everyone but have
forgotten about how to look after
number one.. I'm going for help..
I need to set my head straight..
I have so many issues.. I don't
know where to start..I might
tread on a few feet along the
way... but hey, the only word
that rhymes with hey & way! I
don't smile much these days..
Cindy is there for me, she got
me to open up.. that's a start
right? I have a heart..but it
aches so god damn much of late.
Sticky eye lids, dried with spent
tears.. I have to go there.. to
chat.. to face my fears..

24 comments:

red.neck chic said...

I love you. And, I'm always here if you ever need to just let loose.

And - just carry band aids for those toes you may step on, then keep taking care of you... it's ALL about you. You first - everything else will fall in to place.

I'm glad you're back!!! I missed you!!!

xoxoxo
robelyn

nitebyrd said...

I love you, too. I'm also here for you. I'm proud and glad you are going to face your demons and vanquish them with help.

(((hugs & kisses)))

Indi said...

red.neck chic ~ Thank you honey, I'm not very good at down loading my woes! But if I need a good cry you might need to go purchase a box of mansize tissues!!

Indi


xoxoxox

Indi said...

nitebyrd ~ this may be the biggest thing I've ever faced in my life, but I have to do it or I'll never fin me again and be happy... Love you nitebyrd


Indi


xxx

Red Shoes said...

Hi there, Indi... I learned the hard way... that one must take care of himself/herself first and foremost.

We can't be happy by being busy trying to make everyone else happy...

*huggles*

~shoes~

UBERMOUTH said...

You're a sensitive but strong person,although hard, you will be okay. Of that I am certain.

Now would you please email me at ubermouth@hush.com?

JStar said...

This is sad Indi...But we all go through this feeling from time to time in our lives...Find comfort from wherever you can. Your peace and joy WILL return!

With Love,
JStar

Indi said...

Shoes ~ We/ I am a parent/ wife/ friend/ daughter/ sister/ the list is endless.. I don't like to see the people who are special around me fall part.. I have fallen apart.. and I don't know how to get back to being whole again, but your support is one of the many bricks to the foundation I have to rebuild...


Indi


xx

Indi said...

UBS ~ I think in the past I have found my strength, this I knowb'cuz I hadn't got the guts to slash my wrists, there again worrying who would clean the house or cook the dinner? Would they really miss me if I walked out of here? Yes I will E mail you..shortly


Indi



xx

Indi said...

Jstar ~ You have no idea how much your words bring trembles to my heart...tears to my eyes... I have to reach out to some where.... thank you



Indi


xx

Red Shoes said...

Sweetie... make a list of things that would allow you to feel better about yourself.

When my world fell apart 15 years ago, it degraded down to me. I was it... and I came closer than I will ever care to admit to ending things.

I had to undertake a great rebuilding project... and I had to place myself first...

I can't be a good Dad, brother, uncle, teacher, anything if I'm not in a good place.

I've written before that when I need to take care of me, my 'world' gets really small...

We just have to do that.

~shoes~

Indi said...

Shoes ~ I'm going to go see some one who can show me the way out of this quick sand. I've been for coucilling before but she just screwed with my head even more, shortly after that episode she was moved.. so I'm thinkin every councillor is like that, I'm guessing wrong right? I'm going to keep a diary...


Indi


x

Red Shoes said...

Journaling helped me more than I could have ever imagined. It's helpful to put it in words and then be able to go back and read it.

Besides... look at all of those people up above that care!

:o)

~shoes~

Leah said...

Indi - sweet girl, take comfort in knowing that this will pass eventually. It's going to take time though, so be patient if you can.

Shoes is right in what he says. Try journalling and after a while you'll see how far you've come.

I've been here too, trying to be all things to all people. I tried too hard to please those who just pleased themselves. I also had a crap counsellor who didn't help in any way at all. So I called a halt, and pleased myself. That was 10 years ago. More to it of course, this is just the condensed version.

BamaTrav said...

You're loved by many, on the sphere and I am sure in real life as well, just remember, we still have to meet, marry and retire down by the coast here in Alabama. XOXO lots of love.

Indi said...

shoes ~ thank you


Indi

Indi said...

Leah ~ can I condense life?


Indi

Indi said...

BT ~ can we share a big fat cigar too?


Indi

BamaTrav said...

Indi - I have one just your size ;) XO

Indi said...

BT ~ Just what O need now XO



Indi



x

BamaTrav said...

And to think you were a mere few hours or less flight from here not too long ago. xoxo

Indi said...

BT ~ I am never flying through Chicargo again...Immigration really need to step up the mark. I know they have to be dilligent what with 9/11 but we all felt intimidated by the time we'd got through...finger prints/ photos/ then to add insult to injury this short fat black security guard opened my suite case and removed a container of body lotion that had left London Heathrow managed to get as far as Ghicargo only to be removed! I bwet she though she'd have it for herself...bitch! Our flight was re booked and had to wait another 3 hours, hasten to add I have gone off Chicargo airport and will never return.. I should have phoned you ou could have driven me to Winnipeg eh?

Indi


x

BamaTrav said...

Not to Winnepeg, to MY place, xoxoxoxo

Indi said...

BT ~ So you'll have to give my your address so should I fly out that way again... Ican come visit you.....


Indi


xoxox