Reflection

Today is the Anniversary of my journey down to Devon. It's this time last year I found out my best friend was poorly, so I drove to Devon to see her. The journey was long, hot and tiring but well worth it, as I wasn't sure how long it would be before I saw her again, if at all. She had been taken ill and was coping the best way she new how. Secondary lung cancer is difficult in any one's eyes to cope with. The thought of dying is scary enough. But to be told that you have only a short time left to live must be earth shattering.. and maybe she didn't take it all in, maybe she knew but wasn't showing so. It's usually the people left behind that have to come to terms with it. Today I went to her house in the local village, where she once lived and thrived. The house is locked and a for sale sign is bolted to the wall. Quit a sad day for me. I went on my motorbike, parked it up and sat for some considerable time on the porch, just thinking of what she might have said about my new bike. I tried to hold it together and was doing really well until her neighbour appeared and asked why I was sitting where I was. I told him I was remembering the good times as my best friend used to live here but died last year. Up until that moment I was OK. He was a friendly kind of a man in his mature years. 'Oh yes' he said, with a broad smile on his face. 'She was a lovely lady...' that was it for me, my eyes started to fill up and I started to cry! He started to move away, 'Oh I'm sorry for upsetting you,' he said. 'That's alright, ' smiling back, it was due to happen, and it's good that I've come round to see her again. I still talk to her, she's with me most of the time, it does get easier, but I wish she was still here, I have so much to tell her, we have so much too laugh about, jokes to tell, hugs to share!
I spoke to her daughter a while back; they still have her ashes; they can't move on yet, but as long as they have her with them, that's comfort in itself isn't it? I couldn't make the service held for her last year, I was in Morocco. I do have the service sheet from the church and the poem she adored so much. This is the poem by Joyce Grenfell.........


If I should go before the rest of you,
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone.
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice,
Be the usual selves that I have known.
Weep if you must,
Parting is hell,
But life goes on,
So sing as well.

I shall remember my best friend as I knew her best, full of life, always laughing, bright, vibrant,
cheerful, charming, with an abundance of love for life and every one around her, family and friends. I loved her then with all my heart and I still do.

Fancy Dress

On Friday 22nd August I'm going to go fancy dress for charity, my friend Caroline's organising the evening. Her other friends are going dressed as either fairies or maids! I do not wish to go dressed as a f***ing fairy! That is not my thing.. however I do fancy going as a Dominatrix, now THAT is more my thing!! There is one other problem . . . . we're targeting the local pubs in a near by town, I'm not sure the locals could handle a full on Dominatrix? Can you imagine the lads and the older men, half of them perhaps don't even know what a Dominatrix looks like let alone does?!! I am running out of time as the event is THIS Friday night. I'm wondering 'what' I should do exactly. Does anyone have any brain waves, some thing that won't cost me a bean, as I'm skint. I am all out of ideas right now. Let me fill you in some more, my friend's doing the Sahara walk next year to raise money for diabetes, a much needed charity like all the others out there. I have to admit I'm jealous of her, although I couldn't put myself through the rigorous training that she will have to endure, I have an idea of what she will have to do to get fit, if it's anything like what I did for 6 months re London Marathon, she has her work cut out for sure and I wish her all the very best. My contribution is walking the streets and pubs begging for money, shakin my collection box, and making a complete fool of myself in the process, I truly cannot wait. SO . . . . . . . What am I to wear???????? Did think about my birthday suit but I might get arrested!! That wouldn't bode well for my occupation! Years ago my dad made some olde fashoined stocks, I sat in them locked in and people got their revenge throwing cold wet sponges at me, made loads of money, almost got the flu in the process!! Hmmmm.... come on peole I need your HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucky Escape

For some considerable time now I've been feeling some what low! Not sure about how I've been feeling this way but I've come to the conclusion it's either an iron deficiency or the lack of hormones!! Either way I'm gettin on with dealing with it... HOW?? Alcohol!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm startin to get a liking for red wine. For years I didn't ever drink it, I'm hooked on it now... to the point of nearly every night I look forward to a drink with my dinner. Well tonight I'm well n truly trollied! Although I'm bordering on almost sober, due to the almost good typing.. without too many mistakes. Tonight however took a turn for the worst... not to go too much into detail, I've been very pissed. I'm startin to think I have a problem? Tonight I've drank almost a whole bottle of some nice red bird, er... bottle! I've had a good day at work although I'm hung over in love with several women... several? yeh! I like to keep my options open, not that they even know I even exist! I'm rambling now... SO why and what am I talking about. Too be totally honest I'm not really sure, like I said earlier I've kinda lost the reality on life just lately. Tonight I came so god damn close to getting a sharp implement and doing some major damage. I tried so fucking hard to control my destiny... I tried so fucking...........................................................! Yeah am back again, sorry, hey shit... no! I'm not apologising for no one, I gotta get through this my way... how? I have no idea, but I can't go back to my old ways, I can't.... I nearly did tonight but it was a lucky escape for sure.................................

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty woman where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suite a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms, the span of my hips
The stride of my step, the curl of my lips.
I'm a woman, Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, that's me.

I walk in a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man, the fellows stand or
Fall to their knees.
Then they swarm aound me,
A hive of honey bees,
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I am a woman
Phenomenally,
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenamenally,
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally,
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.