Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Against the grain

I've never been selfish in my life.
Generous to a fault my mother used
to say... shirt off my back I'd give
if I thought it'd help, last penny
in my pocket to anyone I'd give.
I like to be of help.. putting
others first, fighting peoples
wars.. giving a helping hand.
I really am struggling to put
me first for a change, it
doesn't seem to come
naturally, of course it
isn't who I am. If I am
to recover this dismal
state of depression that
I'm in, I need to carry
on regardless or I
won't conquer anything.
Some days I find my
mind wandering to far
and distant lands,
lands where I shouldn't
go, the demons will be
waiting to take me by
my hand. These inner
screams are deafening
I don't know what to
do... how long do I
have to defend myself.
When I stare in the
mirror, a frightened
young girl meets me
with fear in her
eyes.. most nights
I don't have pretty
dreams but night-
mares in black
and white.

6 comments:

nixabn said...

Wow. It seems you and I have a lot in common. I do the same. I don't think I have ever just put myself first. I always worry about my friends and lovers because I think I can handle the hardships of live better than they can and feel that I have to be that barrier for them. Hmmmmm....xoxoxo

nixabn said...

I meant "hardships of life" ;)

Indi said...

nixabn ~ You hit the nail on the head there... if anyone needs my help, I drop everything and go running, think I must have 'mug' tattooed on my forehead... of course they don't really appreciate whet we do ... but we do it nontheless xoxoxo

Indi said...

nixabn~ I love your spelling mistakes ;)
xx

nixabn said...

:) XOXO

Indi said...

nixabn ~ :-OoOoOoOoO blowing bubbles ;)))))))))))))))))))))


Indi


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