Monday, 12 September 2011

Disaster

Today I went to work whilst wearing
a tubular bandage on my lower left arm.
Not a soul asked me what I'd done..
until after lunch when I realised that
the world was now actually awake!
The main question was..'what had I
done to my arm?' I replied 'whilst
climbing the bloody damson tree
I slipped and caught my arm on
the rough bark.. it's nothing
really.' That appeared to go
down quite well actually...
No I'm not lying, well in a
way I guess I am. Please don't
judge me either, I had enough
of that with my first session
with the not so delightful
councilor a couple of weeks
ago, who in her infinite
wisdom decided to label me
butch due to the way I dress.
I phoned the doctor's today
and cancelled my next three
appointments with the so called
councilor, I don't think we would
have got on terribly well..
So for now I'm back to the
beginning.. I'm now quiet again,
don't wish to talk to no one..
I actually thought I was
getting some where.. still
not sure if this world is
for me!! Still takin my
meds.. still not drinkin
alcohol. Treated myself
to a packet of brand new
razor blades the other
day... Sat really quite
quietly on my bed yesterday..
steady hand, not a note
of panic anywhere..
I was in total control,
and the first sign of
blood made me smile..
it didn't hurt.. I had
prepared coverage and
tissues at the ready.
Be prepared is my motto.
So I fell out of the
bloody damson tree..
easy really when ya
think about it. This is
my business,
I have come to judge
no one, so no-one
should judge me...
I feel free when
I cut myself...
end of!

8 comments:

Red Shoes said...

Hey you... I know first hand that ones relationship with a counselor has to be great... He/She referred to you as 'Butch' strictly on the way you were dressed? How would you refer to yourself?? How do you perceive yourself???

You need to find someone with whom you can talk...

I hope all is going OK with you...

~shoes~

red.neck chic said...

You know pretty lady (I think you're beautiful) I'm only a phone call away.

That's it... some numbers - and I'm ALWAYS here.

I love you... even over all of the miles.

xoxo
robelyn

Christiejolu said...

Stopping by to say hello.

Indi said...

RS ~ ~ I'm 6'tall have short, some times spiky hair.. I wear trousers and jeans alot, I ride a bamf of a motor bike.. but I got tits and a fanny... I was born female. I dress how I feel like dressing, she should not label me. Also she was the same woman I saw 12 yrs ago, she fucked with my head back then... I had a feeling we weren't compatable. I will find some one else in time... thankyou


Indi


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Indi said...

red. neck chic ~ I know and that means so much thank you


Indi


x

Indi said...

Christiejolu ~ Hey babe where ya been? Long time no hear from you.....


Indi


xx

nitebyrd said...

I'd never judge you, Indi. I don't want you to cut yourself, though. PLEASE, find a new counselor as soon as you can.

Any therapist/counselor that would label you on your appearance alone shouldn't be treating anyone.

Indi said...

nitebyrd ~ I had made a doctors appointment last Friday afternoon but thought long and hard about it, I eventually cancelled it... am going solo for now... I still have kind of panic attacks but I put that down to the medication! Or maybe not. I've spent the last half week by myself...my other half being in Spain, I've really quite enjoyed it...to be truthful.
I will however find s new more reliable councillor at some point, as for the cutting... I did it again theis morning... I feel better when I slice my flesh... that used to be hard to admit but now I'm not ashamed.


Indi


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