Lost and frightened

The past few years have been turbulent in my love life, to say the least! After one broken relationship that seemed to throw me over the edge, I feel I've lost the true ME!! Life has had it's ups and downs, more so the downs. Until a few weeks ago I hadn't really been looking for love- but it found me. My new lover, who I've known for quite a few years as a friend. We've grown strong together, finding out what we like in and out of bed. Apparently, she says I might come over as the tough kinda Tom boyish woman... it's fake. She has found this lost little girl in me, and looking at myself in the mirror I can see what she's on about. With her help I have to now find myself again; I know in my heart of hearts I can do this, but I'm not sure where to start! I have the ability to give my undying love to the new love of my life.. at the same time I seem to have the same ability to forget about me and what I want. I'm a fish out of water at times, slowly suffocating... drowning. So 'how' do I start this journey of self discovery? What do I do different that makes me stand out from the rest? I can write about pretty much anything. But when it comes to describing how I really feel, what 'I' want and need.... the answer is empty. My expression is blank... I look lost, this little girl inside of me is searching for the 'woman' who I am and should be proud of. It's almost as if.... I've been impersonating some one else all these years, being some who in the past other people have wanted me to be, and without realising this-have been some one else... if that makes sense? I'm open to any suggestions as to how I tackle this hurdle .....