Aggressive

Numb is how I feel today,
something to do with life.
I really thought the meds
were beginning to work, but
now I'm slowly slipping down
the ramp into the abyss... I
feel like I've failed myself
I hate to trample on others
feet. My mouth is small, my
heart is full of pain, and if
that wasn't enough I have
received bad news from afar.
My life is nothing when I
compare my sister's pain..
Cancer is gettin the better
of him... it doesn't look
good. If Liver and Colon
wasn't shitty enough..
the results of the CT scan
show it's now spread to
his spine, lymph, lungs..
from his liver and that
massive tumour they
found in his colon last
time. So I have no
right to complain..
my new found family
from across the pond
are struggling with the
on going thought of
losing their Dad..
time limit..who knows.
Chemo is an option, but
at 73 yrs old..to fill
his body full of nasty
aggressive chemicals,
to attack this awful
aggressive cancer
which is rapidly
taking away his life?
And I thought my life
was bad..... I still
feel numb.... I read
the E mail that my
sister sent, I read
it twice, I still
can't take in those
dreaded words... I'm
going to lose my new
adopted dad... I feel
the grief which explodes
in me... the anger from
deep wthin... I'm numb.