Wednesday, 19 September 2007

Pain....

Pain comes in different stages from self inflicted to grief. I feel I have to write about this because my best friend died of cancer due to smoking for years and years. I'm trying to deal with the fact that I'll never see her smiling face again, and believe me it's very difficult to come to terms with. She was so full of energy and enthusiasm for life, she was an amazing woman, but the nicotine killed her, I have to admit I've given up the dreaded weed, not wanting to be the next victim of the killer disease. So how do people cope with losing a relative or friend, the pain must be so awful, unmentionable and unless it happens to YOU we have no idea of what the human mind can cope with. But do we actually cope or do we go into auto drive? Today I went for a mammogram, painful experience I have to admit but necessary just to be able to put my mind at rest. This tough exterior that I so often show as me, isn't real, I have to admit I was scared, just a very small amount of me but none the less I was scared! But I was one of the lucky ones, imagine being told you've got a lump and it's cancer!! Shit happens every day, my shit happened last Saturday when my friend passed away, I'm dealing with it in my own way, ample amounts of alcohol, maybe not the answer but this is the only way I can cope!

8 comments:

having my cake said...

There was an accident near where I work recently. A young girl of 20 was killed crossing the road. A sportscar lost control and flew through the air, hitting her in the head and snuffing out her life.

In the days following, I watched her family try to come to terms with the tragedy. They visited in tears, taking comfort from the huge pile of bouquets that people had placed near the spot where she died.

Today, five months on, I saw her mother and sisters replacing the flowers that they lay there regularly. There is a lamp post with photographs and poems in her memory as well. For the first time they were not crying, just remembering with love.

I know it's trite, but Time really is a great healer.

Lady in red said...

I am sorry you are in such pain.

Indigo said...

Having my cake, it's been a week since my best friend died and yes you're right, time does heal, I still cry every day but it's gettin less, not because I don't care but because I'm learning to cope...thankyou

Indigo said...

Lady in red.. thankyou for caring

bittersweet me said...

my sympathies for your loss. How sad.

Yes, there is a certain amount of 'auto' that happens - you carry on, cover over the pain, and hopefully it will heal and not fester.

best wishes

Indigo said...

Bittersweetme..Thank you for your support, yes auto does happen in sad times like these, you're right there, I do cover up and it is getting less painful now, the crying has subsided, I smile now when I feel a tear forming, and laugh at the good memories

nitebyrd said...

Time and happy memories are what will take the pain away. Be thankful you had her in your life, even if it wasn't long enough. I'm sure she felt your love and was joyful because it was there.

Indigo said...

Thankyou nitebyrd, I still want her here, times remind me of how lucky I was to have had in my life, the pain does subside, replaced by laughter of the things we got up to..!