tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post3564788294427229238..comments2023-10-25T10:51:24.340+00:00Comments on Indi: CrushedIndihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-5611231110264213852010-08-13T04:20:34.910+00:002010-08-13T04:20:34.910+00:00The Bipola Diva ~ 'Thank you' I will read ...The Bipola Diva ~ 'Thank you' I will read more later, I have to go to work now, it's ym early shift.<br /><br />And I will seriously concider the test...<br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xxIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-74421563242379918432010-08-12T23:02:11.682+00:002010-08-12T23:02:11.682+00:00Indi;
It wouldn't hurt to be screened. I don&...Indi;<br /><br />It wouldn't hurt to be screened. I don't think you're going to get any fingers pointed or judgement from any one that's left comments here. Everyone, I mean everyone, has problems that they believe are insurmountable. No one has the right at someone else and the pain they have. No one's feeling it but you, we all feel pain and handle pain differently. <br /> You know what? I even kept pictures of my arms bleeding the last time I cut to remind myself of it all. I left the bullet hole in my ceiling to remind me. I was like you, I was either on an incredible high or the depths of depression that I can only describe as the pits of hell. I went through my share of red wine as well, and I don't even like much of it. <br />What could it hurt by being screened? You'll know something one way or another. Then you'll know which path to take. If you don't know what you're dealing with you can't choose the path to take. You don't, no one deserves to live in the pain that you're in. <br /><br />I'm leaving links to some of my writings that I did through the pain, the cutting, and the depression as well as how I felt when the sun began to shine again. If you want to read them, maybe you can see that you're not alone. Someone's been there and has survived. That night is about the night I ended up in the hospital. Two little words is about being diagnosed. Calm and Unorthodox about the peace I felt when cutting and my thoughts then. Who knows? they might help some.<br /><br />http://www.thebipolardiva.com/2010/02/that-night.html<br /><br />http://www.thebipolardiva.com/2010/02/two-little-words.html<br /><br />http://www.thebipolardiva.com/2010/02/sea-turtles.html<br /><br />http://www.thebipolardiva.com/2010/02/unorthodox.html<br /><br />http://www.thebipolardiva.com/2010/02/stronger-force.html<br /><br />http://www.thebipolardiva.com/2010/02/calm.htmlThe Bipolar Divahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05449793830455116918noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-20508266759102928582010-08-12T20:29:37.947+00:002010-08-12T20:29:37.947+00:00heelsnstocking ~ in need of much hugs thank you fo...heelsnstocking ~ in need of much hugs thank you for being there, thank you for all of you all being there. I having a rough time, I don't know how long I can cope with this either...<br /><br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xxIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-32247316116900938312010-08-12T20:23:51.382+00:002010-08-12T20:23:51.382+00:00Christiejolu ~ I caught your hug... thank you... I...Christiejolu ~ I caught your hug... thank you... I need many right now and less red wine!<br /><br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xxIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-29371303818246654712010-08-12T20:22:39.068+00:002010-08-12T20:22:39.068+00:00The Invisible Seductress ~ tears fall like red ros...The Invisible Seductress ~ tears fall like red rose petals... the pain subsides like the sun setting in the evening.. I ramble on but I know not what I write...thank you<br /><br /><br /><br />IndiIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-57035280955596462372010-08-12T20:20:33.974+00:002010-08-12T20:20:33.974+00:00nitebyrd ~ Am I strong though? Can I come out the ...nitebyrd ~ Am I strong though? Can I come out the other side unscathed? I doudt my ability to do anything right now. I haven't had a fag in two weeks, but now I drink like a fish... Alcohol and I donnot mix. I have this voice inside my head which comes on to me, she tells me it's good to bleed... the wine assures me it won't hurt........... thank you for hug, think I need help<br /><br /><br /><br />Ind iIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-70899888055899770942010-08-12T20:17:06.270+00:002010-08-12T20:17:06.270+00:00The bipolar Diva ~ I want to cut up now, all I hav...The bipolar Diva ~ I want to cut up now, all I have to do is walk into the kitchen pick up a sharp knife and get stuck in...what's stopping me? Admitting to the rest of the family that I actually have a problem, they don't understand me now, I haven't got a cat in hells chance of explaining why I have red stuff running down my arm. I will have an accident at work, a planned one, I stumbled on a broken bottle, the cut will resemble a broken bottle... I have no bandages right now... I have to plan my assult. I am this scared pothetic woman who has memories of being told off by my father along time ago. I wet the bed until I was 13... the list is endless. I can't remember the last time my parents told me they loved me, please stop me.......<br /><br /><br /><br />Indi<br /><br /><br />xIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-90367092484019238862010-08-12T20:11:36.230+00:002010-08-12T20:11:36.230+00:00Little ol me ~ Emmerson also said 'nothing gre...Little ol me ~ Emmerson also said 'nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm' it says that on the back of my London Marathon medal. I loved what yot you wrote. I have had more red wine tonight, It's becoming a habit of mine. I and alcohol to not mix well, I get tearful, I cried just when I read that. It's lovely and so true... I am swimming but up stream half the time...<br /><br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xxIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-277167157454925702010-08-12T20:07:39.472+00:002010-08-12T20:07:39.472+00:00The Bipola Diva ~ Having read your reply, through ...The Bipola Diva ~ Having read your reply, through teared eyes, I have drank my way through hlaf a bottle of red wine tonight. I feel I suffer in silence, this being that I am ashamed of how I feel. I know I shouldn't behave like this. David at work who gives me great advice , who doesn't acuse me, he doesn't point the finger at me, he is and has been my aid in all that I have discovered or unearthed about my feelings. He thinks I am bipola, I'm either on a high or wanting to kill myself. I think I keep it well hidden from my family, that or they don't know my real worries, my true aims in not wanting to live. I am trapped in my world, but in my world I only hate one person, that person I see every morning I look in the mirror... thank you for caring, tis means so much to me<br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xxxIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-24678922362186817242010-08-12T19:18:21.561+00:002010-08-12T19:18:21.561+00:00just checking in and seeing if you needed another ...just checking in and seeing if you needed another hug ... here's one anyway xx ((((hugs))))<br /><br />keep moving forward babes thats what i do, dont stand still and ponder just move forward and find a new muse for yourself whatever it may be xheelsnstockinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15181825688180635545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-44008780545397347042010-08-12T18:32:54.695+00:002010-08-12T18:32:54.695+00:00I know it doesn't seem like it...But things wi...I know it doesn't seem like it...But things will get better...I was with a man who was useless...Once I got rid of him things became so much better...So you just have to believe things will get better! <br /><br />Since you need hugs I am sending you some big hugs...<br /><br />Stay strong!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-46224102155772053192010-08-12T18:14:04.236+00:002010-08-12T18:14:04.236+00:00I can't add too much more because it's bee...I can't add too much more because it's been said rather well here. Looking at the scars on my wrist to say you are not alone. You are braver and stronger than many and are very loved and respected here!<br /><br />All the best to a beautiful spirit that knows how to soar and just needs a breeze to get back up there..The Invisible Seductresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03137976587160997129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-62116490176989820292010-08-12T17:47:18.362+00:002010-08-12T17:47:18.362+00:00(((HUGS))) Indi, you're in the abyss but I kno...(((HUGS))) Indi, you're in the abyss but I know you'll come out of it - without any cuts. You ARE stronger than that desire. Please know you have friends that love you. We care. Very, very much.nitebyrdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04967190902623933068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-90465019590992209842010-08-12T06:27:41.943+00:002010-08-12T06:27:41.943+00:00Your posts resonated with me. It was as if I were ...Your posts resonated with me. It was as if I were reading my own words. The pain seems insurmountable. My therapist asked me what I felt when I cut and I told her that it was a feeling of peace that rushed over me and that I could breathe. She said that she was afraid of that. I had no idea that endorphins were released through that. <br /><br />I don't even know why I first thought of it. Then one night it got really bad. I had taken ambien, four of them, because my husband wouldn't shut his mouth. He kept yelling and fighting and I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep. Well I guess the ambien just put me into a hypnotic state and I cut my arms a lot. Then I remembered a shot and my husband came in the room he said, I don't remember. There's a bullet hole still in my ceiling. I have no memory of it.<br /><br />What I do remember is waking up in the hospital the next day and completely freaking out. It was horrible. Then about a week or so later I was diagnosed with bipolar. It was still a struggle but then my demons had a name. I haven't cut in months, maybe close to a year. I have scars, but you'd not know what they were unless you knew. <br /><br />Then to have pain from one of your kids has to be excruciating. I really don't know what to say except that sometimes I've found it easier to talk to people that I don't know because then it's like there will be less judgement, at least in my sometimes warped mind I feel that. <br /><br />I am here for you if you ever need to vent or anything. I'm a good listener and I've been there. <br /><br />Also, kind of a FYI, I looked at your profile and your interests, every single one of them are my interests as well. I just couldn't put them all on my profile since my kids read mine.The Bipolar Divahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05449793830455116918noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-78212148840131637312010-08-12T05:55:28.629+00:002010-08-12T05:55:28.629+00:00The Bipola Diva ~ I will be e mailing yu at some s...The Bipola Diva ~ I will be e mailing yu at some stage thank you. I have scars where I used to cut. I had a tiger tattoo to cover those scars, but I now want the tattoo covered a it is no longer loved... long story, I won't bore you with the details.<br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xxIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-19622428403657761752010-08-12T05:53:40.619+00:002010-08-12T05:53:40.619+00:00beryl ~ YES you're right... all this mist is i...beryl ~ YES you're right... all this mist is in my head. Thank you<br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xxxIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-15922148859254051922010-08-12T05:52:54.244+00:002010-08-12T05:52:54.244+00:00Spiky ~ I think I've fallen off the rails agai...Spiky ~ I think I've fallen off the rails again. Just when I thought it was all going swimmingly well... hey I just caught this great big 'hug' thank you... oh n 'smack' the kisses too..;/ thank you babe, in much need of.<br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xxxIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-481261276093407122010-08-12T05:51:32.460+00:002010-08-12T05:51:32.460+00:00I just remembered this quote and thought about you...I just remembered this quote and thought about you.<br />************************************<br />Be not the slave <br /><br />of your own past. <br /><br />Plunge into the <br /><br />sublime seas, <br /><br />dive deep and swim far, <br /><br />so you shall come back with <br /><br />self-respect, with new power, <br /><br />with an advanced experience <br /><br />that shall explain and overlook the old.<br /><br />~Ralph Waldo EmersonLittle ol' Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14457226446961805837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-70317859622601943542010-08-12T05:49:36.594+00:002010-08-12T05:49:36.594+00:00vixen kitten ~ Yeah I think you are right there. I...vixen kitten ~ Yeah I think you are right there. I need to give to me, what go buy myself some flowers type thing? I have lost the way on how to forgive me. But thank you any how, much appreciated<br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xxIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-88601118460579306392010-08-12T05:48:05.351+00:002010-08-12T05:48:05.351+00:00Peedee ~ yep that one's to me. I have this voi...Peedee ~ yep that one's to me. I have this voice in my head, I mutter all day what I'm going to say and when the time approaches... I get so damn angry I blurt ity out, with no voice of authority and then I feel a complete twat..<br /><br />Indi<br /><br />thank you<br /><br />xIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-66142050788642629672010-08-12T05:46:16.935+00:002010-08-12T05:46:16.935+00:00I think sometimes strengh comes to us in ways that...I think sometimes strengh comes to us in ways that other's can't see, but we can feel.<br /><br />I don't know your history or your story, but I can feel your pain in your words. I hope that being able to write them down, and knowing that you have friends and even people like me - strangers who feel for you - offers you some kind of solace.<br /><br />I'm wishing you peace and inner strength. I'll be back to read more and see what you're up to.Little ol' Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14457226446961805837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-86300026976304337112010-08-12T05:46:13.379+00:002010-08-12T05:46:13.379+00:00UBS ~ my other half seems to think she'll move...UBS ~ my other half seems to think she'll move out one day in the not so distant future and that I to for now ingore her stupid remarks.... I think I should slash him!<br /><br />IndiIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-72234325927234154592010-08-12T05:44:45.055+00:002010-08-12T05:44:45.055+00:00Shoes ~ maybe I need to chat with a professional.....Shoes ~ maybe I need to chat with a professional... Samaratans?<br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-76258065477985896532010-08-12T05:43:43.561+00:002010-08-12T05:43:43.561+00:00Shoes ~ thank you... I just hope that next time I ...Shoes ~ thank you... I just hope that next time I can't fight the feeling... I don't slash my arm.<br /><br />Indi<br /><br />xIndihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08053334760178183725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4993145234602652065.post-27784846323943932782010-08-12T01:09:49.124+00:002010-08-12T01:09:49.124+00:00This was such a strong post and I cried, cried rea...This was such a strong post and I cried, cried really hard. I've sat with that glass. I've sat with that razor. I did cut. Not to end things but I guess to feel something, to take the numb away that engulfed me. I wasn't as strong as you were. I'm better now. I know that I don't know you, this is my first time to your post, but if you ever want to talk to someone that's sat there like that you can always email me.<br /><br /><br /> thebipolardiva@gmail.com<br /><br />TeriThe Bipolar Divahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05449793830455116918noreply@blogger.com